• The Little Girl and The Bird !!

    Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
    "A bird," the guy replied.
    The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don`t know. I was laying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I`m here."
    Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"
    After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
  • The Little Boy & The Fireman !

    A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman`s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
    Fireman: "Hey, little boy. What are you doing?"
    Little boy: "I`m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
    The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
    Fireman: "Little boy, that sure is a nice fire truck!"
    Little boy: "Thanks, mister."
    The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles.
    Fireman: "Little boy, I don`t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog`s neck I think you could go faster."
    Little boy: "You`re probably right mister, but then I wouldn`t have a siren!"
  • Married ???

    A teacher was helping her students with a math problem. She recited the following story: "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?"
    A boy pauses. "None," he replied thoughtfully.
    "No, no, no, let`s try again," the teacher says patiently.
    She holds up three fingers. "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left on the wire?"
    "None!" the boy says with authority.
    The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that."
    "It`s simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird, he scared the other two away."
    "Well," she says, "it`s not technically correct, but I like the way you think."
    "Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question. There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles. One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle. Which one is married?" he asked.
    The teacher looked at the boy`s angelic face and she writhed in agony, turning three shades of red. "C`mon," the boy said impatiently, "One is licking the popsicle, one is biting and one is sucking. Which one is married?"
    "Well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied, "the one who`s sucking?"
    "No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on. But I like the way you think!"
  • F in maths!

    Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetics.
    "Why?", asks the father.
    "The teacher asked `How much is 2x3?` I said `6`"
    "But that`s right!", the father says.
    "Then she asked me `How much is 3x2?`"
    "What`s the fucking difference?", the father enquires.
    "That`s exactly what I said." right!", the father says.
    "Then she asked me `How much is 3x2?`"
    "What`s the fucking difference?", the father enquires.
    "That`s exactly what I said."