• Bullets...

    A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it s too risky to operate.
    All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears.
    "What is wrong" asks the mother.
    "I was having a pee and this bullet came out” replies the daughter.
    The mother tells her it`s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.
    "Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out".
    Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
    A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
    "It`s okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
    "No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."
  • A birthday gift ...

    A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother."
    "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn`t time before your birthday."
    The little girl replied,"Why don`t you do like they do down at Daddy`s factory when they want something in a hurry put more men on the job."
  • Blackmail!

    At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
    The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
    His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don`t tell your father."
    Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
    The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don`t say a word to your mother."
    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.
    The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

    The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
  • Is the mom at home?

    A door-to-door salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by Little Johnny puffing on a long black cigar.
    Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked Johnny, "Is your Mother home?"
    Little Johnny took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, "What do you think?"