• Watching Childbith

    The nurse approached him, smiling. "The labor is going great," she said. "Wouldn't you like to come in?"

    "Oh, no," the man shook his head.

    The nurse returned to the mother's side, and the labor progressed smoothly.

    As the birth neared, the nurse returned to the man, now pacing frantically in the hall.

    "She's doing so well," she assured him. "Wouldn't you like to at least come in and see her?"

    The man seemed to hesitate slightly, then shook his head again, "No, no, I couldn't do that."

    He jingled car keys in his sweaty palm and resumed his pacing.

    The nurse went back into the room and coached Mom's valiant efforts in pushing the baby into the world.

    As the baby's head began to exit the birth canal, the nurse raced to the hall, grabbed the man by his elbow, and dragged him to the bedside saying, "You have got to see this!"

    At that very moment, the baby boy was born and placed on the tummy of the mother whose radiant smile shone through her tears.

    The man began to cry openly. Turning to the nurse, he sobbed, "You were right! This is the greatest moment in my life!"

    By now, the nurse, too, was tearful. She put her arm around him, and he rested his head on her shoulder. She soothed, "No one should miss the birth of their son."

    "This isn't my son," the man blubbered. "This isn't even my wife. I've never seen her before in my life. I was just bringing the car keys to my buddy across the hall!"
  • Heart Transplant Surgery

    A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.

    The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"

    The doctor replied, "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"

    The patient's friend replied, "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"

    "Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
  • No Breast Milk

    She was beautiful, blonde and buxom - a perfect specimen of womanhood - with a small baby in her arms. He was in his first day in private practice, eager to show he knew all about everything.

    "What's seems to be the problem?", he asked in his best medical manner.

    "It's the baby", she said, "He seems under-nourished."

    Earnestly the doctor carried out an extensive examination of the baby and then asked, "Is he breast-fed?" "Yes doctor, he is", she replied.

    "Will you strip off to the waist now, please?" the doctor said.

    The young woman looked at the doctor somewhat anxiously, and began to protest. "But doctor... "

    The doctor simply brushed her protestations aside by saying, "it is better to look at everything... so if you wouldn't mind?"

    Blushing with embarrassment, she took off her blouse and bra, revealing a perfect pair of large, firm breasts. The young doctor professionally weighed each one in his hands, stroked them forward and back, and then gently flicked each nipple in turn for a few moments, finally lightly squeezing them between his fingers and thumb.

    Ah!", he said, as his face broke into a knowing smile. "That's the problem, you do not have one little bit of milk!"

    "Oh doctor, that's not the problem", she replied, "I'm just the baby-sitter - but it sure has been a REAL pleasure meeting you!"
  • Ring Around The Penis

    Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor's waiting room. They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his penis and the other one had a green ring. The fellow with the red ring was examined first.

    In a few minutes he came out, all smiles, and said, "Don't worry, man, it's nothing."

    Vastly relived, the second man went into the examining room, only to be told a few minutes later by the doctor, "I'm sorry, but you have an advanced case of VD. I'm afraid you'll have to be castrated."

    Turning white, the young man gasped, "But the first guy... he said it was no big deal!"

    "Well, you know," said the doctor, "there's a big difference between gangrene and lipstick."