• What's a Phallus?

    Rose had come to see Dr. Hardy. When the psychiatrist began using sexual terms, she interrupted, "Wait, what is a phallic symbol?"

    "A phallic symbol," explained Hardy, "represents the phallus."

    "What's a phallus?" asked Rose.

    "Well," said the analyst, "The best way to explain it is to show you."

    He stood up, unzipped his fly and took out his pecker.

    "This is a phallus."

    "Oh, I get it," said Rose. "It's the word for a very small penis.
  • Medication Error

    A man was suffering from a stomach ache, so he told his wife who suggested he try the tablets the doctor had given her for a similar pain.

    After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear.

    He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened.

    Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a fallen womb, God knows how I'm going to get your balls back down."
  • A Forgetful Fresher

    Anyone who's ever been to a "teaching hospital" knows to expect a group of students to descend upon them at any time.

    At one such hospital, in the recovery room, a bunch of students gathered around a beautiful blonde who, even in a gown, was obviously very well endowed.

    Recovery is an excellent place for student doctors to become familiar with variations in heartbeats while the body comes back to normal from the operation and the anesthesia.

    The first student approached the patient calmly and proceeded to listen intently to her heartbeat through the stethoscope.

    The group was silent as he did so.

    The woman hesitated, then looked sympathetically into the eyes of the doctor-to-be. Reaching up, she gently placed the earpieces into his ears.
  • Malnourished Kid

    A lady marched into the doctors office with a tiny miserable baby that was howling at the top of its lungs and demanded, "Do something about this baby."

    After a quick examination, the doctor realized the baby was malnourished.

    "He's obviously not getting enough milk," he said sternly, "is he being breast fed?"

    "Yes," replied the lady.

    "Then the milk supply isn't adequate. Please take your blouse off."

    The woman obliged, and the doctor proceeded to give her a very thorough breast exam, kneading, rubbing, massaging, and sucking each breast at some length.

    Finally, perplexed, he announced that he could see why there was a problem. "You aren't producing any milk at all."

    "Of course not," she responded. "It's my sister's kid."

    "Why on earth did you come?" asked the doctor in amazement.

    "I didn't," she replied, "until you started sucking on the other tit."