• Ring Around The Penis

    Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor's waiting room. They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his penis and the other one had a green ring. The fellow with the red ring was examined first.

    In a few minutes he came out, all smiles, and said, "Don't worry, man, it's nothing."

    Vastly relived, the second man went into the examining room, only to be told a few minutes later by the doctor, "I'm sorry, but you have an advanced case of VD. I'm afraid you'll have to be castrated."

    Turning white, the young man gasped, "But the first guy... he said it was no big deal!"

    "Well, you know," said the doctor, "there's a big difference between gangrene and lipstick."
  • Nymphomaniac Wife

    Bob took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. "This Is one hot potato of a lady, Doctor," he said. "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, and I get very jealous. Killed four guys already."

    "We'll see," the doctor said. He directed the missus into his examining room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.

    The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm. It Was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and began to screw her.

    Bob heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to control himself, he pushed open the door, only to be confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife banging away.

    "Doctor, what are you doing?" he asked.

    The flustered doctor said, "Oh, it's you, Bob? I'm only taking your wife's temperature!"

    Bob opened his switchblade knife and began to wipe it on his sleeve very deliberately.

    "Ok Doc,....." he said, "but when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"
  • How Condoms are Made

    My dentist shared a good one with me on Thursday. He recounts how he was sharing this story with an elderly lady, just as he was putting on his rubber gloves.

    "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

    She said, "No?"

    "Well", he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk up to the tank, and dip their hands in - and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up - then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and go around again."

    And she didn't laugh a bit!!!

    Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

    She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must be making condoms...!"
  • Self-medication is Dangerous

    A doctor drives by a small town. He stops at a gas station and notices there is no one there. A little kid passes by and tells him the gas station is closed because everyone is a the funeral of the owner's daughter.

    Since he was out of gas, he decided to stay for the night and goes to the funeral. When he gets there he goes in and looks at the open casket and notices that something is wrong.

    He calls the father, "Sir, I am a doctor and I can assure you she is not dead, she is in a catatonic sleep."

    "What do we do now?" asks the father.

    "Does she have a boyfriend?" asks the doctor.

    "Yes," replies the father.

    "Take her to a room and have the boyfriend have sex with her."

    They do as the doctor said and sure enough, she wakes up. Everybody was happy and the doctors leaves once he fill up his gas tank.

    A few months go by and the doctor returns to the same gas station. The same kid greets him again, "Doctor, It's so great to see you again. About a week ago Mr. Edward died. Half of the town has screwed him already but he is just not waking up."

    Moral of the story: See a doctor before self medicating.