• No Breast Milk

    She was beautiful, blonde and buxom - a perfect specimen of womanhood - with a small baby in her arms. He was in his first day in private practice, eager to show he knew all about everything.

    "What's seems to be the problem?", he asked in his best medical manner.

    "It's the baby", she said, "He seems under-nourished."

    Earnestly the doctor carried out an extensive examination of the baby and then asked, "Is he breast-fed?" "Yes doctor, he is", she replied.

    "Will you strip off to the waist now, please?" the doctor said.

    The young woman looked at the doctor somewhat anxiously, and began to protest. "But doctor... "

    The doctor simply brushed her protestations aside by saying, "it is better to look at everything... so if you wouldn't mind?"

    Blushing with embarrassment, she took off her blouse and bra, revealing a perfect pair of large, firm breasts. The young doctor professionally weighed each one in his hands, stroked them forward and back, and then gently flicked each nipple in turn for a few moments, finally lightly squeezing them between his fingers and thumb.

    Ah!", he said, as his face broke into a knowing smile. "That's the problem, you do not have one little bit of milk!"

    "Oh doctor, that's not the problem", she replied, "I'm just the baby-sitter - but it sure has been a REAL pleasure meeting you!"
  • Ring Around The Penis

    Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor's waiting room. They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his penis and the other one had a green ring. The fellow with the red ring was examined first.

    In a few minutes he came out, all smiles, and said, "Don't worry, man, it's nothing."

    Vastly relived, the second man went into the examining room, only to be told a few minutes later by the doctor, "I'm sorry, but you have an advanced case of VD. I'm afraid you'll have to be castrated."

    Turning white, the young man gasped, "But the first guy... he said it was no big deal!"

    "Well, you know," said the doctor, "there's a big difference between gangrene and lipstick."
  • Nymphomaniac Wife

    Bob took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. "This Is one hot potato of a lady, Doctor," he said. "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, and I get very jealous. Killed four guys already."

    "We'll see," the doctor said. He directed the missus into his examining room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.

    The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm. It Was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and began to screw her.

    Bob heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to control himself, he pushed open the door, only to be confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife banging away.

    "Doctor, what are you doing?" he asked.

    The flustered doctor said, "Oh, it's you, Bob? I'm only taking your wife's temperature!"

    Bob opened his switchblade knife and began to wipe it on his sleeve very deliberately.

    "Ok Doc,....." he said, "but when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"
  • How Condoms are Made

    My dentist shared a good one with me on Thursday. He recounts how he was sharing this story with an elderly lady, just as he was putting on his rubber gloves.

    "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

    She said, "No?"

    "Well", he spoofed, "down in Puerto Rico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the natives walk up to the tank, and dip their hands in - and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up - then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and go around again."

    And she didn't laugh a bit!!!

    Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

    She explained, "I just suddenly thought about how they must be making condoms...!"