• Dog Mating

    A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.

    She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

    However, that night, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

    Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

    Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

    "Do you think that will work?" she asked.

    "Just worked on me," he replied.
  • Artificial Insemination

    After considerable soul searching and having determined that the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to give artificial insemination a try. When the woman arrived at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups.

    She was feeling very uneasy about the whole procedure when the doctor entered the room. The sight of him pulling down his pants certainly didn't help to diminish her anxiety.

    "Wait just a minute!" she yelped, pulling herself into an upright position. "What the hell is going on here?"

    "You want to get pregnant, don't you?" the doctor asked.

    "Well, yes, I do," she replied.

    "Then lie back down and spread 'em," instructed the doctor.

    "We're all out of the bottled stuff, so you're going to have to settle for what's on tap!"
  • Doggie Style

    An 80 yr old man just got married with a young wife.

    Fearing with all the sex that he is having with his new bride, he seeks Doctor's advice on the best way to deal with it.

    Oldman: Doc, I am 80 and am sexually active again. What's the best way to have safe sex without getting heart attack...??

    Doctor: At your age , I highly recommend you to use 'The Dog Style'...

    Oldman: Doc, are you serious?? My back is weak.. How can you advice me to do Doggie Style?

    Doctor: I said Dog Style... not Doggie style. Dog style - just sniff the pussy...
  • What's a Phallus?

    Rose had come to see Dr. Hardy. When the psychiatrist began using sexual terms, she interrupted, "Wait, what is a phallic symbol?"

    "A phallic symbol," explained Hardy, "represents the phallus."

    "What's a phallus?" asked Rose.

    "Well," said the analyst, "The best way to explain it is to show you."

    He stood up, unzipped his fly and took out his pecker.

    "This is a phallus."

    "Oh, I get it," said Rose. "It's the word for a very small penis.