|One day a man walked into the doctor's office to find out the results of his annual check up.|
"I'm not going to beat around the bush Mr. Smith," said the doctor, "There is good news and there is bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the bad news first," replied the man.
"Well," said the doctor, "the bad news is that you have only 48 hours to live!"
The man suddenly starts to sob uncontrollably and eventually says, "Oh my God, what am I going to do? Is there no cure for what I have?"
"I'm afraid not sir," replied the doctor, "I'm sorry but you will certainly not last more than 48 hours."
"But I thought you said there was good news." asked the man.
"Oh yes," replied the doctor, "I nearly forgot to tell you! You know the beautiful nurse at reception when you came in?"
"Yes!" replied the man.
"The blonde in the tight white uniform?" asked the doctor.
"Yeah," replied the man, beaming, "the one with the big tits!"
"That's right," said the doctor, "The good news is I'm shagging her!"
|A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.|
Man, "What are you doing here today?"
Woman, "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me 500 bucks for it."
Man, "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me 1500 bucks."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man, "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman (shaking her head with mouth closed), "Unh unh."
|A young boy of six was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery.|
On the day he was admitted his mother asked Dr. could you please circumcise him while he is asleep.
The Doctot agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore down there for several days.
After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out soon. He asked him to tell him about the surgery.
The little boy replied, "All I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are."
|An old man, Mr. Smith, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day, he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Nancy asked if there was anything wrong.|
"Yes, Nurse Nancy," said Mr. Smith, "My 'little friend' died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh I'm so sorry, Mr. Smith. Please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Smith was walking down the hall with his 'little friend' hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Nancy.
"Mr. Smith," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like this, please put your 'friend' back inside your pajamas."
"But Nurse," replied Mr. Smith, "I told you yesterday that it died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked the Nurse.
"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing."