• Old Sweetheart

    Old Sweetheart
    Santa decides to go his high school's 25-year reunion. Having not seen anyone in fifteen years he's very curious as to who might show up.

    When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweet-heart. They sit down and talk about the past.

    "How have you been?" he asks.

    "I've been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though."

    "Bad news first, dear."

    "Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy."

    "Oh my, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that."

    "But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!"
  • Private Tattoos

    A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

    When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."

    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
  • Generic Viagra

    In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name.

    For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.

    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course ibepokin.
  • The Facelift

    A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective patient.

    He told her, "I'll install a special screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need a little tuck, we'll just tighten the screw a little and the wrinkles will disappear!"

    The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, "Go for it!"

    The surgery was a resounding success, and the woman went home happy. A few months later, the woman returned in a great state of agitation.

    She pointed to her face and said, "Just look at these bags under my eyes! Where the hell did they come from?"

    The surgeon looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't BAGS under your eyes. Those are your breasts. And if you keep messing around with that screw pretty soon you'll have a goatee!"