• Private viewing

    An old man, Mr. Jack, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.
    Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Jack was old and forgetful, decided to play along with him.
    "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
    Two days later, Mr. Jack was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants.
    Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr. Jack, I thought you told me your penis died".
    "It did," he replied, "today is the viewing".
  • Well hung!

    Well hung!
    There was a young man in the Army who was so well- endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Army doctors and one Armey nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.
    The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end."
    They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.
    The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it."
    They discussed this, and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.
    The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it."
    They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him erection problems. The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks.
    The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"
  • Choking sex

    A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.
    The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
    The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also.
    The doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
    The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
    The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies, "She choked."
  • Force-feeding!

    George has an operation on his neck, so he has to be force-fed through his ass.
    At mealtime, the nurse rolls in a big feeding machine, attaches one end of a tube to the machine, and shoves the other end far up George's ass.
    After a few days of the force-feeding, George says, "Hey, nurse, have you got another one of those machines here at the hospital?"
    She says, "Yes, of course. Why?"
    George says, "I want you to have dinner with me tomorrow."