• First Sexual Experience

    Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex.

    "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem.

    "That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

    "Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..."

    "Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?"

    "Baaaaa..."
  • A Bad Day At Work

    Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

    "What happened to you?" asked his wife.

    "I had a terrible day" replied Bob.

    "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection."

    "Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy laying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half."

    "I see," said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?" Bob replied, "Wrong room..."
  • Airbus A380 vs Fighter Aircraft

    An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h in 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

    The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, boring flight isn't it? Take care and have a look here!"

    He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, only to swoop down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

    The Boeing pilot answers, "Very impressive, but now have a look here!"

    The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After five minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed, "Well, what are you saying now?"

    The jet pilot asks confused, "What did you do?"

    The other laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back of the flight to the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon cake and made an appointment with the stewardess for the next three nights - in a 5 Star hotel, which is paid for by my employer."
  • Immense Pleasure

    A professor is lecturing his class on the possibility of finding joy in unusual activities.

    "Even the most natural and common actions can provide an immense amount of pleasure. For example, a good bowel movement can be as enjoyable as making love."

    A student starts madly waving his hand and stands up when acknowledged.

    "Professor," he says, "Either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit...!"