• Nude Sunbathing

    The well proportioned though nearsighted secretary like to spend her lunch hour sunbathing on her office building's roof. Wanting an even facial tan, she always left her glasses lying on her desk.

    After a few days, she decided that, since no one could see her anyway, she might as well get a more "overall tan."

    No sooner than she had removed her bathing suit and stretched out, but she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled her towel over her bottom.

    "Excuse me, miss," said the young man. "No one minds you sunbathing up here, but you really should wear a bathing suit."

    "What difference does it make?" she asked. `No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with this towel."

    "Not exactly," said the embarrassed waiter. "You're lying on the executive dining room skylight!"
  • Promotional Offer

    One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please."

    "Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key.

    The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 o'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them He can't believe what's happening. Next morning, still surprised by last night's events, he goes downstairs to settle the bill.

    "How was your room sir?" asks the receptionist.

    "Excellent, I will come back again. What do I owe you?" asks the man.

    "Well... actually, sir, we are doing a promotional offer. Not only do you not have to pay but we give you $10 as a welcome gesture," says the receptionist.

    "What?" says the guy, very surprised indeed. "That's amazing." He takes the ten-dollar bill and wanders off, debating whether his buddies will believe him or not. Needless to say, after a few days he's told all his friends and neighbors about room 13 and the amazing night of passion.

    The next week one of his buddies goes to check out the room. "Room 13 please."

    "Certainly, sir, here's your key."

    After he gets in bed, at the same time, 2 o'clock, three girls this time, extremely horny, get in bed and screw his brains out. The next morning, not only does he not have to pay, but he too gets $10.

    After a month, everyone knows this hotel and especially room 13. Everyone that stays in room 13 gets the same treatment: a good screw and a ten bucks.

    After a few weeks, the story reaches an archbishop. The archbishop decides to check the story out for himself. He visits the hotel and asks for room 13. He gets the keys and goes upstairs. After a couple of drinks he gets in bed waiting patiently for the naked girls to appear. Indeed at about 2 o'clock in the morning two naked ladies come to bed. They are as homy and wild as all the stories the archbishop has heard. The archbishop gets his pecker out and screws the both of them all night long. This is the night of his life.

    Next morning he goes to reception and when he asks how much the bill is, the receptionist says, "Nothing to pay, sir. Actually, we are doing an introductory offer. Here's $50 as a welcome gesture."

    Curious, the archbishop asks the receptionist, "Well, that's strange. Everyone else who comes here gets $10. Why do I get $50?"

    "Well, sir," says the receptionist. "This is the first time we've filmed a porn movie with an archbishop in it!"
  • The Mango Slicer

    Raj worked in a mango pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the mango slicer.

    Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

    After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Raj to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

    The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Malar, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

    Raj tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the mango slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

    Malar gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

    She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the mango slicer?"

    Raj replied, "She got fired, too."
  • Unscripted and Spontaneous Replies

    From The Original Hollywood Squares T.V. Show.

    These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.

    Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
    A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

    Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
    A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

    Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
    A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
    A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I;m too busy growing strawberries!

    Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
    A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

    Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

    Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
    A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

    Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it's sex?
    A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

    Q: Do female frogs croak?
    A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?
    A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.