• Making Out in BMW

    A couple were making love in a 5 Series BMW when the bloke's back seized up. The ambulance men were afraid to move him in case of serious damage to his spine. So the police decided to use the 'jaws of life'.

    They simply cut the entire top of the car off so the patient could be safely lifted out without bending.

    When the ambulance departed the girl sat weeping beside the abbreviated 5 Series BMW.

    Feeling sorry for her, a cop patted her on the shoulder. "He'll be all right," he reassured her.

    The girl rounded on him savagely, "Oh, sod him," she exclaimed. "How am I going to explain to my husband what happened to his BMW?"
  • How Mickey Lost the Bet

    Mickey was in a bar having a drink, and the barmaid was one sexy looking lady! He slapped a ten spot on the table and said, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom".

    She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet.

    He took his out his glass eye, placed it next to his drink and went to the bathroom.

    "OK chance to get your money back, I bet I can bite my own ear", Mickey challenged next.

    The Barmaid accepted the bet.

    He took out his false teeth and nipped his ear. Once more he pocketed his winnings.

    "Okay", Mickey said, "I'll give you one last chance to win all your money back. I bet I can make love to you so gently and tenderly you won't feel a thing - double or nothing."

    Now that was one thing she knew about, so she accepted the bet.

    Mickey lifted her skirt and away they went.

    "I can feel you", she giggled.

    "Oh well", he cried while climaxing, "This is not my lucky day... you can't win them all."
  • Sell The Motorcycle

    Grumbling about the distance between campus buildings, a daughter wrote home to her father, who happened to be a veterinarian, asking for money to buy a second-hand motorcycle.

    By the time the money arrived, she had changed her mind and bought a monkey instead.

    After several weeks, the monkey started losing its hair.

    Hoping her father would know how to cure it, she wrote him a letter.

    "Dad, please help. All the hair is falling off my monkey. What should I do?"

    A couple of days later, she received a reply from her worried father. It read, "Sell the damn motorcycle!"
  • Running or Fucking?

    Doing any kind of exercise is excellent for your health. But, for those who still have doubts when choosing, here you will find 7 good reasons to decide between Running or Fucking.
    1. When you run, you usually go alone. If you go with someone you just want to run faster than the other.
    Fucking? No. You always try to reach the goal together.
    Therefore, fuck "Develops teamwork and avoids selfishness."

    2. To run you have to buy a lot of clothes that, normally, is quite expensive.
    However, to fuck, just take off the one you're wearing. As you can see, fucking "encourages saving, and avoids consumerism".

    3. To run you have to get out of bed.
    To fuck, it's the opposite. We all know that bed is better than nowhere.
    Therefore while fucking, "We exercise while we are, where we are best".

    4. Running requires great effort and gives little pleasure.
    Fucking gives enormous pleasure and the effort is minimal.
    So while fucking, we experience how to, "Make the most of it with the minimum effort".

    5. After running, you end up exhausted and your knees and legs hurt.
    However, after fucking, you have a smile from ear to ear!
    It is clear that through fucking "we discover the joy of living".

    6. If they call you to run, you will almost never go.
    Now, if they call you to fuck?
    Ahhhhhhhh! ... Right ?!!!. You will reach on time.
    It is clear, fuck "increases punctuality."

    7. Another very important reason is that after running you do not feel like repeating the race.
    But, after fucking, you want to repeat again. Yes or no?!!!
    So, through fucking we achieve "true interest in what is done and promotes the value of perseverance."

    So the winner is a 'Fuck' anytime!