• Grandmother's Advice

    A nice story - will make you appreciate family...however for most of us, it's too late!

    My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk.

    Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.

    She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. "And always remember this thing," she said. "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
    "How come, Grandma?" I asked her.

    She answered in her soft Irish voice. "Makes your dick look bigger."

    Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
  • This Board With Holes

    A man enters a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms.
    The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"

    The man replies, "I do not know."

    Well, take this board with holes and go to the bathroom and measure.

    In 10 minutes the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I have changed my mind I don't need the condoms. How much is this board?"
  • Clogged Toilet!

    A superintendent of a large, apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a rather snooty tenant's clogged toilet.

    Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete, incompetent idiot. Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness.

    He didn't say anything but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service.

    So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quickly into his tool bag. A minute later he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet."

    All the guests broke into shocked laughter and the woman turned a bright red. The super was holding up a large yellow banana with a red condom wrapped around it.

    The woman never complained again.
  • One Excited Old Priest

    The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession.

    "So me and my cousin were alone in the house," she continued, "and went up to my bedroom..."

    "Go on, my child," said the priest gently.

    "I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on my....on my..."

    "Go on."

    "On my pussy," stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen. "And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself."

    "Yes, go on," the priest directed.

    "I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall," the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame, "and he began to shove it in me so hard..."

    "Yes, yes... Go on," he urged, breathing hard.

    "And then we heard the front door slam..."

    "Oh, shit!!"