|Girl asks her mother: What is sex?|
Mother: Sex is when you stop a car driven by a man who offers you a meal in a restaurant, and then you spend some time with him in the hotel room, sleep with him once, and then each one go on his way and you have a Fifty dollar bill extra in your pocket.
Then the girl asks her mother: What is Super Sex?
Mother: Super sex is when you stop a limousine driven by Chauffeur and a stylish man is sitting in the back who takes you to a luxurious villa, gives you a sumptuous meal with distinctive Caviar...a nd then you spend the night together in bed and engage in sex more than once, and then you part with an envelope containing a thousand dollars in your pocket.
And then the girl asks her mother: What is love?
Mother: Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex with you for free.
|Liz is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along. She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried. She asks, "What if the baby starts coming, and I can't get to the hospital in time?"|
The doctor replies, "Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors. It's a very natural process. The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant."
She interrupts with, "Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?"
|An Australian family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is unmarried. So they call a marriage broker and ask her to find their son a good wife.|
The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking many questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a wife/daughter-in-law. They give her a long shopping list of requirements.
The marriage broker takes a long time looking and finally asks to visit the family again. She tells them of a wonderful woman she has found. She says she's just the right age for the son... she keeps a perfectly clean home... is of sober habits, and regularly attends church every Sunday... she is a wonderful cook... she loves children and wants a large family and, to top it all off, she's drop dead gorgeous.
After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.
At this point, the son gets up the courage to ask, "Is she also good in bed?"
And the marriage broker answers, "That I'm not sure of.... Some say yes... some say no and some says just so, so."
|A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.|
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"