• A Bad Day At Work

    Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

    "What happened to you?" asked his wife.

    "I had a terrible day" replied Bob.

    "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection."

    "Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy laying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to bend it in half."

    "I see," said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?" Bob replied, "Wrong room..."
  • Airbus A380 vs Fighter Aircraft

    An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h in 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

    The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, boring flight isn't it? Take care and have a look here!"

    He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, only to swoop down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

    The Boeing pilot answers, "Very impressive, but now have a look here!"

    The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After five minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed, "Well, what are you saying now?"

    The jet pilot asks confused, "What did you do?"

    The other laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back of the flight to the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon cake and made an appointment with the stewardess for the next three nights - in a 5 Star hotel, which is paid for by my employer."
  • Immense Pleasure

    A professor is lecturing his class on the possibility of finding joy in unusual activities.

    "Even the most natural and common actions can provide an immense amount of pleasure. For example, a good bowel movement can be as enjoyable as making love."

    A student starts madly waving his hand and stands up when acknowledged.

    "Professor," he says, "Either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit...!"
  • Holiday Feast

    A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, "I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other."

    The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, "Lady, I'll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?"

    "Well, if you really want to know," she firmly answers, "I'm sick and tired of my husband telling me that there's never anything good to eat between the holidays."