• Why is Sex Like Riding a Bike??

    1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

    2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

    3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

    4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

    5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

    6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

    7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

    8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

    9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

    10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

    11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

    12. If you fall off get right back on.

    13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

    14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

    15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

    16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

    17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

    18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.
  • Masturbating With a Condom!

    A young couple had a wild Saturday night and used two condoms from a new box of twelve.

    The following weekend the woman discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box.

    "What happened to the other four condoms?" she asked.

    His nervous reply was, "Err...., I masturbated with them."

    Later, she approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"

    "Yeah, once or twice," he told her.

    "Wha... !!! You mean you've actually masturbated with a condom before?" she asked.

    "Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
  • Breast Fetishism

    A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.

    "I am going to do word association," explained the doctor. "I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that come to your mind."

    "Oranges," said the doctor.

    "Breasts," replied the patient.

    "Apples."

    "Breasts."

    "Watermelons."

    "Breasts."

    "Wipers."

    "Breasts," said the patient with the same reply.

    "Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile's wipers?

    "Where is the connection?" asked the doctor.

    "Easy... one on the left and one on the right!"
  • Be Careful What You Wear

    A man and woman drive to the store, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

    The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

    Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

    The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.