• How to Buy Lingerie for Wife

    A young man was shopping in a department store.

    He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size."

    "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

    "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."

    "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

    "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."
  • I Fucked Her In The Bed Yesterday

    Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing ONE WORD in all possible positions in the sentence:
    "I fucked her in the bed yesterday."

    The word is "ONLY"

    The Message:
    1. ONLY I fucked her in the bed yesterday. (No one else did).

    2. I ONLY fucked her in the bed yesterday. (Confirmation).

    3. I fucked ONLY her in the bed yesterday. (I did not fuck others).

    4. I fucked her ONLY in the bed yesterday (I did not fuck outside the bed).

    5. I fucked her in ONLY the bed yesterday (Not other places).

    6. I fucked her in the ONLY bed yesterday (He doesn't have another bed).

    7. I fucked her in the bed ONLY yesterday (Not today).

    8. I fucked her in the bed yesterday ONLY (Did not wait for today).

    This is the beauty and complexity of the English language.
  • How To Make A Girl Scream

    There were these three folks outside of a bar. There was a dark gentleman, a white fellow, and a Chinese gentleman.

    They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgeous ladies. Well they made a wager to see who could make the lady shout.

    The dark gentleman goes in a turns out and the ladies is snickering, and afterward the white folks goes in, well after he turns out she is giggling much harder.

    The Chinese gentleman goes in and a following a couple of minutes she is yelling to point of becoming horse.

    At that point he turns out, and the other two folks said how could you have been able to you do that, and the Chinese fellow goes, "Me Chinese... me play deceive, me put hot sauce on my dick!"
  • Too Honest, Too Straightforward

    A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young woman in her short mini-skirt. Using the time-honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink.

    "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation.

    Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll get out of me by plying me with liquor."

    He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place."

    "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asks.

    "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replies.