• Advice from A Sex Therapist

    A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.

    "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside" she asked earnestly?

    "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet", counselled the therapist.

    So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.

    When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit."
  • Virgin Wool!!!

    Jeff beckoned to a salesman in the department store, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin that Eunice was admiring, and asked, "Excuse me young lady, how much is this dress?"

    "That dress is Pound 799.95, Sir," sneered the rather snotty saleswoman.

    "Pound 799.95? For Pound 99.95 I could get the same dress at the Bargain store downtown!"

    "But sir," said the saleswoman, "You'll find that the dress downtown is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool."

    Jeff says, "So? For Pound 800 I should care what the lambs do at night?"
  • The Touch of the Princess

    Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS... but there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt.

    Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.

    One wizard told the King, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

    The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition.

    Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth. Three young Princes Took up the challenge.

    The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

    The second prince brought diamonds.He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

    The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

    The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!

    The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.

    Question: What was in the Prince's pants?
    Cadbury's 5 Star - It melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
    But I appreciate your thinking...
  • Negotiating with a Hooker

    Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar.

    "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab."

    When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he's at her side.

    "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?"

    After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred dollars. Now, if that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings."

    "I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs."

    When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that makes me think you might be Jewish."

    "Well, I am," she replies a little defensively. "Why do you ask?"

    "Well, I'm Jewish, too," says Berkowitz. "And since we're both Jewish, I was hoping you would give me a discount."

    "Dammit," she replies, "I was afraid this would happen. Okay, twenty percent off. But I want you to know, at these prices I'm not making any profit!"