• Negotiating with a Hooker

    Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar.

    "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab."

    When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he's at her side.

    "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?"

    After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred dollars. Now, if that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings."

    "I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs."

    When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that makes me think you might be Jewish."

    "Well, I am," she replies a little defensively. "Why do you ask?"

    "Well, I'm Jewish, too," says Berkowitz. "And since we're both Jewish, I was hoping you would give me a discount."

    "Dammit," she replies, "I was afraid this would happen. Okay, twenty percent off. But I want you to know, at these prices I'm not making any profit!"
  • Gay Bar!

    A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat the priest said, "Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?"

    He then realised the truth, "I think we're in a gay bar!"

    A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off.

    The relieved priest said, "Thanks. What did you tell him?"

    The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon."
  • Selling Ass-holes

    Two businessmen in New York were standing around and taking a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, and didn't even have the shelves set up.

    One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some Jewish guy is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

    No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old Jewish man walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "Vat ya sellin' here?"

    One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

    Without skipping a beat, the old Jewish man said, "Must be doing well, only two left."
  • Sex on Mars!!!

    The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

    "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

    The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do."

    A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

    "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

    "Why?' he asks. "What's the matter?"

    "Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!"

    "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

    "Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

    "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

    "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

    The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, "Well, was it any good?"

    "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was wonderful, awesome. How about you?"

    "It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache... She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."