• Think Before You Speak

    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
    Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....

    1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
    I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

    2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
    He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

    3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
    As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
    I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

    4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
  • Pathan Aur Shadi

    Ek Pathan Ki Shadi Thi Magar Usey Kuch Pata Nahi Yha.

    Us Ka Dost Usey Apney Ghar Le Gaya Aur Apne Bedroom Mein Almari Ke Uppar Baitha Diya Aur Kaha Ke Yahan Baith Kar Dekho Ki Main Kaise Karta Hun.

    Phir Wo Dost Apni Wife Ke Saath Sex Kerney Lag Gaya.

    Jab Vo Sex Kar Ke Farigh Hua Toh Bola: Samajh Gaye Ab... Aise Karte Hain... Tum Bhi Aise Hi Karna.

    . After few Weeks Dost Ne Pathan Se Poocha: Amaan Mian, Kaisi Guzar Rahi Hai?

    Pathan: Bohat Zabardast! Roz Ek Dost Ko Saath Le Kar Jaata Hun, Khud Araam Se Almaari Per Baith Jaata Hun Aur Dekh Dekh Ke Maje Leta Hun.
  • Could've been Worse!

    Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse".

    To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

    On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"

    "That's awful" said Frank "But it could have been worse!"

    "How in the hell could it have been worse?" asked his angry friend.

    "Well!!!" replied Frank, "If it had happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"
  • The Origin of Yodelling

    Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

    The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

    "That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "Needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

    The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry."

    So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn. And she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

    The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears.

    "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

    "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

    The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

    The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out....
    "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO...."