• New Shoes!

    Luiggi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

    After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luiggi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

    He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"

    Startled, Sophia replies, "Yes, Luiggi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"

    Luiggi answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"

    Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"

    Rosa answers, "Yes, Luiggi, I do, but how do you know that?"

    He replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?"

    Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luiggi asks Carmela to dance.

    Midway through the dance his face turns red... he states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!"

    Carmela smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Luiggi, I wear no panties tonight..."

    Luiggi gasps, "Thanka God... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes."
  • I'm Next

    This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car.

    A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.

    The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf.

    The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.

    The guy said, "I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never screwed a cop before!"
  • Harle Davidosn and Women

    The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."

    Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

    St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

    God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"

    Arthur said, "Yeah, that"s me"

    God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

    Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren"t you the inventor of woman?"

    God said, "Ah, yes."

    "Well," said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
    There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension.

    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

    3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much.

    4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

    5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

    "Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"replied God, "hold on."

    God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

    "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours..."
  • Cheating Friend

    A guy goes to his friend and says, "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"

    The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees and after mass, he starts talking to the priest and asking him all sorts of stupid questions just to keep him occupied.

    Finally the priest gets pissed and asks the guy what he's really up to.

    The man feeling guilty confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now."

    The priest smiles and says, "Son! You better hurry home now. My wife died 3 yrs back."