• Give Me Out Your Money!

    The voluptuous redhead was walking down a dimly lit street when a man jumped out of the bushes.

    "Give me your money," he demanded.

    "I d-don't have any," she managed to reply.

    "Give me your money or I'll search you!" he threatened.

    She repeated that she didn't have any, then gasped as he made a tentative search.

    "You'd better give me your money now," he said menacingly, "or I'm going to really search you!"

    "But I don't have any!" she protested, almost in tears.

    So he really searched her.

    "I guess you were on the level," he finally muttered angrily. "You don't have any money on you."

    "For heaven's sake," she wailed, "don't stop now. I'll write you a check."
  • Be Careful What You Wish For

    It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.

    "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot- I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

    The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range.

    He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."

    The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes."

    The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

    Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted... "Oh My God... I was riding the MARE!"
  • Nude Portrait

    Grace and Martha were from a very prim and proper Eastern finishing school, and they were spending their vacation together in New York.

    On this particular afternoon, they had accepted an invitation from a Bohemian artist, whom they had met a few weeks before on a visit to the Village, to attend an exhibition of his paintings. As they approached an extremely provocative nude, Grace couldn't help noticing that the canvas bore a striking resemblance to her girlfriend.

    "Martha," she gasped, "that painting looks exactly like you. Don't tell me you've been posing in the nude!"

    "Certainly not!" Martha stammered, blushing furiously. "He must have painted it from memory."
  • Rainbow Colors Condoms

    A guy went into the adult section of a department store to buy condoms.

    The female clerk told him, "We have the rainbow assortment on sale today, would you like those?"

    The guy said, "Sure, I'll take a box."

    A few months later, he went into the women's clothing section and saw that this same female clerk had transferred into the maternity section.

    The guy said, "I'd like to buy a maternity blouse."

    The clerk asked, "What bust?"

    To which he replied, "One of the damn blue ones!!!"