• A Forbidden Love

    "I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

    "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."

    "But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."

    "Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"

    "Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
  • Bad Breath!!!

    One evening Ole and Sven are sitting in the bar getting drunk. Ole turns to Sven and asks, "Ven do you suppose dose girls are gonna make out vit us?"

    Sven says, "Donno, but I'm drunk enuf to go ask em!"

    So off they go to the apartment where Ole knocks on the door. Lena answers and says, "Vell, Ole and Sven, come on in!"

    Ole no more than gets in the door when he says, "Ve yust come to find out ven you girls are gonna make out vit us."

    Lena is really upset by this and throws them both out, slamming the door on them. Ole is persistent and knocks on the door again.

    Lena isn't stupid, she knows it's Ole and says, "Ole if you are gonna be so forward, you'll have to talk through the keyhole."

    So Ole bends to the keyhole and asks, "Ven you girls gonna make out vit us?"

    Lena is really upset now. She drops her pants, backs up to the keyhole, and breaks wind.

    As Ole is backing up and shaking his head, Sven asks, "Vell Ole, vat did she say?"

    Ole says, "Vell, I tink she said FFFFfffffrrriiddaay, but her breath is so bad I'm not askin' again."
  • Delayed Ejaculation

    A ninety-year-old man stopped in his favorite bar, sat at the end, and ordered a drink.

    He noticed a svelte seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar, and told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.

    As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady in a cozy booth. Later that evening they went to her apartment where they got stinky and wrinkly.

    A few days later, the old man noticed that he had developed a drip coming from his privates, and headed to the doctor.

    After careful examination the doctor asked the patient if he had engaged in sexual activity recently, to which the old man proudly admitted he had.

    The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.

    "Sure, why?" asked the old man.

    "Well you might want to get over there," replied the doctor, "You're about to come!"
  • Gay Buffet

    Once upon a time there was a 90-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick.

    Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being. But, the guys didn't care because they knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money.

    The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said.

    All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said, "Mmmmmm! A buffet?!"