• V Sweater

    It happened on the corner of Broadway and 47th Street. The girl leaned against the building, running her fingers through her bleached hair and smiling more than-casually at the male passers-by.

    She wore a plaid skirt and a low-cut V-neck sweater. Finally, one of her come hither looks paid off and she was approached by a young man with a familiar glint in his eye.

    "Hi," he said, undressing her mentally.

    "Hello, handsome."

    His eyes focused on her sweater and the curves it almost covered. "What's the V for?" he asked. "Veronica?"

    "Uh-uh. Virgin."

    "Oh, come on," he said playfully. "You're a virgin?"
    "No," she winked. "It's an old sweater."
  • A Moment's Weakness

    A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.

    REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?

    SCOTSMAN: Certainly...

    REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?

    SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep....
  • Female & Male Poem

    I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong,
    One who loves to listen long.
    One who thinks before he speaks,
    One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

    I want him to be gainfully employed,
    When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
    Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
    massages my back and begs to do more.

    Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind,
    And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
    I want this man to love me to no end,
    And always be my very best friend.

    I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac, with huge boobs.
  • The Gay Baby

    Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

    Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely.

    A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

    "Isn't it wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

    "He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass."