• Occupational Hazard

    Three men are on a road trip when they pull over to stay at a hotel that they see. They go in and see the lady who apparently runs the joint and they ask her for a vacant room.

    She replied, "Sure, but only if you DON'T go into the basement!"

    The men agree and she gives them a room.
    That night, the men are so curious that they sneak into the basement... only to find that it's full of chopped off dicks!! The woman that runs the places sees them and says, "Okay, now I'm going to have to add you all to my collection."

    She asks the first man, "What does YOUR father do for a living?"

    He says, "Well, my dad is in the lawn-mowing business."

    So the woman finds a lawnmower and off goes his dick.

    The woman asks the second man, "What does YOUR father do for a living?"

    He replies in tears, "My dad is in the tool supply industry."

    So she finds a saw and off does his dick.

    The woman then turns to the third guy only to see that he is laughing hysterically!

    "Why the hell are you laughing?!? Don't you know what's going to happen to you!?!"

    He smiles and says, "Yeah, my dad is in the lollipop business - you're gonna hafta suck mine off!"
  • Au Naturel

    A shapely Finnish girl was a counselor at a girl's camp on Wonder Lake. She was at the camp a day early to get things in order, and when her work was done, she thought it would be nice to start a sun tan "au naturel", since this was private property. Suddenly, she heard male voices! She jumped up, stood in a crouch, and covered her bosom with crossed arms. Two young men approached her, asking "Which way is it to the boy's camp on Wonder Lake?"

    She said, "Oh, I know you guys, you just want me to point, so you can see my titties!"

    "No, no," they said, "we just want to know what direction we must go, we're lost."

    "O.K., she said, straightening up, and standing on her right leg and lifting her left leg horizontally, she said, "It's over dat way!"
  • No Objection

    John had a blind date for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her. After some really passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, would you object to me fucking your brains out?"

    "That is something I have never done before," the date replied.

    "Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" John exclaimed.

    "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"
  • Confessing Sins

    A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

    "Very well, my child," says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, "Tell me about your sins."

    "Well, Father," says the guy, "On Monday, I was at my girlfriend's house, and, well... the two of us alone, the house empty... I sinned, Father."

    "Don't worry, child," says the priest, "It's perfectly normal to have such desires and share them with your partner. Nothing serious, just say two prayers and you will be cleansed of your sins."

    "But Father," continues the man, "It doesn't end there. On Tuesday, I was at my girlfriend's house again, but she had gone out with her mates, and the only one there was her sister, and, well... the two of us alone, the house empty... I sinned again, Father."

    "Oh, child," says the Father, "You must be strong and fight those urges! Eight prayers shall cleanse you of your sins."

    "But Father," says the bloke again, "On Wednesday, I was at my girlfriend's house again, and she wasn't there then either, and the only one at home was her mum, and, well... the two of us alone, the house empty... Again I sinned, Father."

    "Good Lord," says the priest, "Child, you must think about what you do, so pray."

    "But Father," says the bloke, "On Thursday, I was at my girlfriend's house again, and the whole family had gone to the shop, and the only one there was her aunt, and, well... the two of us alone, the house empty... I sinned yet again, Father."



    The priest falls silent.



    "And then," continues the bloke, "On Friday, I was at her house again, and they had gone out for the weekend and the only one there was her granny, and , well... the two of us alone, the house empty..."



    The priest still did not answer.



    "And on Saturday," said the bloke, "I went to her house again, and there was nobody there except for her father, and, well..."



    The man awaits a reply, but upon hearing none, he exits the booth - only to find the priest up on the belfry.



    "Father," he calls, "What are you doing up there? I haven't finished!"



    "Back off, I'm not coming down," says the priest, "The two of us alone, the Church's fucking empty... and I don't want you to sin anymore."