• First Hand Job

    A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

    He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.

    On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.

    They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.

    "Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?"

    "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"

    He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?"

    "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"

    "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"

    She nods.

    "Well, it's just like that."

    So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.

    A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

    "What's wrong?!" she cries out.

    "Take your thumb off the end!!"
  • The Virgin And The Farmer Boy

    There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before.

    She asks the boy, "What are they doing?"

    He says, "They're making love."

    "Well, what's that long thing he's sticking in there?" She asked.

    "Oh, uh, that's his rope," he answered.

    "Well, what are those two round things on the other end?" she asked.

    He says, "Those are his knots."

    She says, "Oh, okay, I got it."

    As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says, "I want you to make love to me the way those animals were."

    Surprised and excited, the boy agrees. While they are getting at it all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes.

    "Whoa, what are you doing?!" he shouts.

    The girl innocently replies, "I'm untying the knots so I'll get more rope!"
  • Corkage Fee

    A guy walks up to the "Visa on arrival" counter at the Bangkok International Airport. Presents 2 Indian passports with 2000 baht cash and says, "Two visas. For me & my wife. Here are the passports and cash..."

    The officer at the counter says, "Extra 2000 bahts please..."

    The man asks him, "Why extra??"

    Says the officer, "We charge corkage for bringing own wife to Thailand."
  • Superman and SuperWoman

    Superman, patrolling Metropolis on a particularly boring day, spied Wonder Woman on the beach, sunbathing in the nude!

    Remembering that he was 'faster than a speeding bullet,' he wondered if he could score with Wonder Woman before she knew what hit her.

    He swooped down, finished in an instant, and then flew away wearing a big happy grin.

    Wonder Woman sat up in the san, "What in hell was that?!"

    And the Invisible Man replied, "I don't know, but my butt hurts!"