|Every day a man would walk up to a woman in her office, stand very close to her, inhale a deep breath of air, and say, "Your hair sure smells nice!"|
After a week of this, she reports him to the Human Resources Department.
"I want to file a sexual harassment suit against him."
The HR supervisor was puzzled. "I don't get it. How is a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice sexual harassment?"
The woman replied, "It's Keith. You know, the midget?"
|The San Diego Police Department were investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 11th-story office. His voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him, a month ago.|
"After my very first week on the job," she said, "I received a $20 raise. At the end of the 2nd week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said, 'These are for a beautiful efficient secretary.'
"At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost.
"I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, he could have it for $5, although I was charging all the other boys in the office $10. That's when he jumped out the window."
|Two widows, are talking at the Bowling Alley. Martha says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."|
Edna, "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M. Dressed up like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there but a beautiful car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL!!! Completely crazy. He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times! He's a retired Marine!"
Martha, "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?
Edna, "No... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
|At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.|
He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be The first nun says, "I want to be Sunny Leone..." and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini..."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked.
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."