• Homosexual Kids!

    Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.

    Dad: Whats that?

    Daughter: I'm a lesbian.

    Dad: Okay.

    Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him.

    Second Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.

    Dad: What's that?

    Second Daughter: I'm a lesbian.

    Dad: Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?

    Son: I do!!!!
  • Breast Tattoos

    A girl fell in love with a sailor and had his picture tattooed on her right breast. The romance waned. In due time, she fell in love with a soldier and had his picture tattooed on her left breast. This romance also waned.

    Sometime later, she fell in love with a marine and married him.

    That night when they were undressing for bed he began to laugh. She asked, "What in the world is so funny?"

    He said, "Oh, I'm just thinking what long faces those two guys are going to have in about ten years from now."
  • What's Your Favorite Word ?

    A radio station was running a competition: Tell a word that's not in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

    DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"

    Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

    DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"

    Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."

    DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"

    Caller: "Goan fuck yourself!"

    The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until...

    DJ: "96 FM, what's your name?"

    Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."

    DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?"

    Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'."

    DJ: "You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"

    Caller: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!!!"
  • Missed Periods!!!

    Why I stopped dating school girls:

    She came to my place in a school uniform, looked me into my eyes and said, "Sweetheart, I have missed my periods..."

    Thats how I fainted & when I woke up in a hospital.

    I over heard her telling the nurse that, "I didn't know he cared so much about my academic life, all I wanted to tell him was that I had missed my periods for Maths and English, but he fainted before I could finish..."