• Good Time!!!

    On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said.

    Later, he offered her a cigarette. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again.

    On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.

    "Okay," his date replied.

    "What will you tell your Sunday school class?" he asked, shocked.

    "The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time.'"
  • Difference between Like and Need

    A man was shopping in the men's department at John Lewis when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.

    He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam."

    She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?" The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly..... That's what I'd like.... but What I Need is a new TIE !"
  • Change of Mind

    All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple.

    Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry.

    "The weddin's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!"
    v Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer.

    One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked.

    "Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!" exclaimed the father.
    v The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers.

    A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled, "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!"

    As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked, "What happened to make you change your mind?"

    Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer."
  • Fucking Greekstyle

    A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn't take long before he is on the stool next to her.

    They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You're really hot!"

    "You're pretty cute, too," she says to him. "I'll tell you what... I live just around the corner - what do you think about coming up to my place?"

    "That sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.

    "Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"

    "Well... uh... I'm not exactly sure what that is," the man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing to learn! Let's go!"

    So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can't believe his eyes! She has an incredibly beautiful body.

    "Now, you're *sure*," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

    "Definitely!" the man replies.

    "All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

    "Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man.

    She kneels down in front of his head. She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

    "Yeah! Yeah, let's go!" says the man.

    The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest. One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

    The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts. "Mmmf, yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

    The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out, "Spiro!! Come and get it!"