• Body Odor

    Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.

    "Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.

    "Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible."

    "Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash your possible."
  • Hummer for 50$

    A Texas Redneck was driving his old pick up truck down the road with his girlfriend at his side when all of a sudden the truck started to buck and stall. With that, he said to his girlfriend that he had to get a new truck. He walked down the block and found a GMC dealership.

    Once inside a sales lady approaches him and says, "Sir, may I help you?" He looks at a hummer and says to the saleslady, "How much for a hummer?"

    She replies, well they start at $49,000 and go up from there.

    He says, "$49,000. That's a lot of money, I can get one a lot cheaper!"

    The saleslady assures him that she has the lowest prices in the state of Texas. Then she says, "Sir if you can get a hummer cheaper than what I will give it to you for, I will give you the key to this truck right now."

    With that, the Redneck walks out, gets his girlfriend, brings her into the dealership and says, "Honey, will you give me a hummer for $50.00."

    She says, "Hell... Yes."

    He turns to the saleslady and asks, "Where do I pick up my keys to that new truck?"

    Hummer: slang for a blowjob where the cocksucker hums
  • Big Dicks

    Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed abnormally long penises.

    "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

    "It's the family thing, sir," the older one replied.

    "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"

    "No sir, our mother."

    "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

    "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."
  • You've Gotta Be Kiddin' Me

    Have you ever wondered where the phrase, "You’ve Gotta Be Kiddin' Me?" came from?

    Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of our Country Way back when, George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops. There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

    Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Cox (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

    Corporal Cox, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Cox and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Cox, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

    Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

    Another hour later, one of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead."

    They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came. General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

    Washington was the first to speak, "Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort."

    Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, "Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?"

    Washington replied, "Well, madam, there are 32 of us without Cox."

    And the Madam said, "You've Gotta Be Kiddin' Me."