• The Mango Slicer

    Raj worked in a mango pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the mango slicer.

    Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

    After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Raj to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

    The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Malar, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

    Raj tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the mango slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

    Malar gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

    She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the mango slicer?"

    Raj replied, "She got fired, too."
  • Unscripted and Spontaneous Replies

    From The Original Hollywood Squares T.V. Show.

    These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.

    Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
    A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

    Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
    A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

    Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
    A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
    A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I;m too busy growing strawberries!

    Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
    A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

    Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

    Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
    A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

    Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it's sex?
    A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

    Q: Do female frogs croak?
    A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?
    A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
  • The Ultimate Revenge

    A superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet.

    Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent idiot.

    Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his lumsiness. He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quietly into his tool bag.

    A minute later, he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet!"

    All the guests broke into shocked laughter, and the woman turned a, bright beet red.

    The super was holding up a large yellow banana with a red condom wrapped around it. The woman never complained again.
  • Penis vs Dick

    Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend just past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's last date.

    "You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type," Faba declared.

    "What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with curiosity.

    "Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and intelligent," explained Faba to her friend.

    Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?"

    "First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out his penis."

    "What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the clinical terminology.

    "Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick, just much smaller !"