• Do it... or Walk Home

    Josh lusted after Linda. When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country, parked, and said passionately, "I want you right here, right now. Do it... or you can walk home!"

    Without saying a word, Linda got out of the car and walked home.

    A month later, after much apologizing, Linda agreed to go out with Josh again.

    This time he drove ten miles out in the country, parked, and begged, "Please. I must make love to you right now. Do it... or walk home!"

    Again, Linda walked home.

    Two months later, after even more apologizing and gifts of flowers and jewelry, she accepted another invitation.

    This time, just to make sure, Josh drove fifty miles out of town and gave her the same ultimatum. Without a word, Linda undressed and gave him the greatest sex of his young life.

    As they were driving home, Josh asked, "Why did you walk home the first two dates, when you so obviously enjoy sex?"

    Linda answered, "Well, it's like this: I'll walk five miles or even ten miles to save a friend from gonorrhea, but fiftymile...."
  • Fucking Season

    Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled with deer hunters.

    About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?"
    Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."

    The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road it broke down again. This time it was next to a good looking motel.

    Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can ve consummate our marriage?"

    Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."

    The bus was repaired and off they went. Ten miles down the road the bus broke down. This time they were out in the woods. However, there was a little clearing out of the sight of the bus.

    Lena turned to Sven, "I tink ve should go back into the voods and do it."

    Later when they returned the bus, Sven asked Lena, "Earlier ve vere next to a nice hotel and you said 'No'. Then, ve vere by a motel and yousaid 'No'. But, here ve vent out into the grassy voods and did it. Why?"

    Lena said, "I vas listening to the hunters. They said if the bus broke down again, the fucking season vould be over."
  • Screw or Twist?

    In the Spring of 1957, Bobby, a real cool cat with his own wheels, went to pick up his date.

    "Carrie's not ready yet, Bobby. Why don't you have a seat?" says her dad.

    "Okay," says Bobby.

    "What are you two kids planning to do tonight?"

    Bobby replies politely, "Oh, we'll probably go to the soda shop or maybe take in a movie."

    "Why don't you two go out and screw?" asks Carrie's dad. "I hear all the kids are doing it."

    Bobby is taken aback. "Wha... what did you say?" he stammered.

    Her dad repeated, "I say, Carrie really likes to screw. Why she'd screw all night if her mother and I would let her!"

    Bobby's eyes lit up. The evening was shaping up nicely. Eventually Carrie bopped down the stairs in her cute little poodle skirt and announced she was ready to go. Bobby eagerly escorted her out the front door.

    Not twenty minutes later, Carrie raced back into the house, slammed the door, and screamed at her father.

    "Dammit, Daddy! It's called 'The TWIST!'"
  • Romantic and Sexy Weekend

    An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.? He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

    The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.? The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

    At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.? "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

    The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.? The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

    The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check.? I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

    Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man, "There's no money in that account."

    "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my Romantic and Sexy weekend!"