|Two old ladies lived way out in the country, only going into town on Sundays for church. One Sunday, there was a strange pastor, a very handsome man, in the pulpit, preaching away quite merrily. One of the ladies, quite deaf, had to turn her hearing aid up fully.|
As the old ladies were returning home, the pros and cons of the new pastor was their main subject of conversation.
"I thought he was lovely," said one.
"He was, rather, wasn't he?" said the other.
"He was very loud, wasn't he?"
"Eh?" said the other, "what cloud?"
"I said, he was very loud."
"I said, he was very loud," shouted the other. "Bawls like a bull."
"Has he?" said the first. "I never noticed. The pulpit was in the way."
|Salazar, the dictator who ruled Portugal for over 3 decades (1932-68) was also known for his wit and humor.|
At the beginning of the world war 2, Mussolini, a ruthless ruler of Italy wanted to know whether Portugal would be joining the Axis powers to fight the war against the Allied powers.
He sends a coded telegram to Salazar seeking his views on Portugal's probable role in the war. When the telegram is received, the ministerial aides to Salazar rush to him and seek his decision so that a suitable reply could be sent to Mussolini.
Salazar thinks for 5 minutes or so and instructs his aides to reply "Balls`.
The aides were flabbergasted with Salazar's instruction but being afraid to ask the dictator for clarification in the matter, send a return telegraphic reply to Mussolini incorporating simply the word "Balls".
On receipt of the telegram, the aides to Mussolini get confused as there is no code word anywhere called "Balls" in the secret code books.
They rush to Mussolini and tell him that they are unable to decipher the word "Balls" in the reply received from Salazar. Mussolini becomes impatient and rings up Salazar direct and says, "Hey, my friend Salazar, unable to understand the meaning of "balls`. What do you want to convey? Do you want to join the war or not?"
Salazar smilingly says, "Hello, Mussolini, the answer is simple. The Portugal's role in the war is like that of 'balls'. We cooperate but we don't enter."
|Grace and Martha were from a very prim and proper Eastern finishing school, and they were spending their vacation together in New York.|
On this particular afternoon, they had accepted an invitation from a Bohemian artist, whom they had met a few weeks before on a visit to the Village, to attend an exhibition of his paintings.
As they approached an extremely provocative nude, Grace couldn't help noticing that the canvas bore a striking resemblance to her girlfriend.
"Martha," she gasped, "that painting looks exactly like you. Don't tell me you've been posing in the nude!" "Certainly not!" Martha stammered, blushing furiously. "He must have painted it from memory."
|All eyes turned to stare as Maureen, a gorgeous redhead walked into the costume party stark naked. The alarmed host rushed to intercept her.|
"Where's your costume?" he hissed through clenched teeth.
"This is it," she calmly explained. "I came as Adam."
"Adam?" her host exploded. "You don't even have a dick!"
"Well gee, I just got here," she replied. "Give me a few minutes!