• Heavily Drunk

    A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

    A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you sir?"

    "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr," the man replies.

    The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

    "It wasss on the end of thisshh key," the man replies.

    About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

    He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

    Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.......... "I'll be damned........... My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"
  • Testicle Transplant

    A man was injured in an industrial accident and was rushed to a doctor who determined that one of his testicles was crushed. The crushed testicle was removed and the man was assured that he would be fine, no complications.

    Physically he was fine but mentally he knew he was lighter on one side than the other, which caused him to walk in circles. After trying to overcome the problem without any luck he returned to the doctor very distraught.

    "Doc! You've got to help me. I am about to lose my job and my wife because of walking in circles!"

    Well, the doctor had never encountered such a problem. As he pondered it he went to his refrigerator for a snack. There he noticed an onion. He quickly measured the man's remaining testicle, peeled off layers of onion until the onion was exactly the same size as his testicle.

    A minor operation, and the man walked out of the office as straight as an arrow! And to this day that man is normal - - - - with two exceptions:

    When he sees a hamburger he gets an erection and when he pees, his eyes water.
  • Hair Loss Treatment

    Dissatisfied with the results he got from his family doctor, the balding man sought out alternative treatment for his hair loss. A friend referred him to a scientist who had been testing a chemical that showed great promise.

    Within a week after taking the new drug, hair began to grow uncontrollably all over his body. The suddenly hairy fellow returned to see the scientist.

    "What the hell did you give me?" he demanded.

    "It was DNA from a woolly mammoth."

    "Aha," the hairy man exclaimed. "That would explain the size of my balls!"
  • I am celibate

    A local sex worker was brought before the court of Queen's Bench for solicitation.

    The judge was surprised to discover that the young woman was claiming not guilty when police had caught her in the act.

    The judge questioned her, expressing her surprise.

    "I am celibate." the young woman declared.

    "Celibate?" the judge asked, wide-eyed. "How can you claim you are celibate?"

    "It is my business to be celibate. I sell a bit here, I sell a bit there....."