• High Birth Rate

    A small town with a high birth rate attracted the attention of a team of university sociologists.

    They wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired aides and an anthropologist, found a family planning and birth control specialist, moved to town, rented offices, set up their computers, and designed questionnaires.

    On the first full day of work, the project director went out for a cup of coffee. The waitress, knowing he was not a local, asked why he was in town. He explained and then asked her if she had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

    To his surprise, she replied, "Sure. Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing, waking everybody up. It's too late to go back to sleep and it's too early to get up!"
  • Recipe for a Happy Life

    Travis had been rather upbeat lately.

    "What gives?" asked Jim.

    "Just loving life, Jim. Loving life," he replied. "Health, togetherness, motivated children, lack of envy: that's the recipe for a happy life. Plus, we've been having more sex than any time in our marriage."

    "Wow, that's pretty good after 25 years, Travis."

    "Yes, it is," he mused. "So much so that Marge has taken to calling it her 'Medicine'."

    "Oh, yeah?" said Jim. "Is she swallowing it or taking it as a suppository?"
  • The Convent Girl

    A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society.

    After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way to the reception.

    "William, what are those women doing leaning against lampposts?"

    "Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at fifty dollars a time."

    "Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."
  • How to Ask a Girl Out

    "First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks to loosen you up."

    "Oh no you're not," said the girl.

    "Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."

    "Oh no you're not."

    "Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."

    "Oh no you're not."

    "Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."

    "Oh no you're not."

    "And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.

    "Oh yes you are!" said the girl.
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