• Australian Vacation

    A gorgeous size 8 blonde from New York went to Australia for her vacation and booked into a VERY expensive hotel.

    She changed into her skimpy thong bikini, put on a fashionable beach shirt, beach hat, sunglasses, new sandals... You get the idea. She grabbed a large towel; her new beach bag and headed for the golden Australian sand and sun.

    To her surprise the beach was very crowded. The only spot big enough to accommodate her large towel was right next to a filthy, salt encrusted bench with a seriously dirty old bum collapsed on it.

    She was VERY nervous about stretching out in her bikini next to this old bum ... but it was the only available place. Anyway, she was on holiday, this was Australia and she figured she'd be safe enough!

    She spread her beach towel; removed her shirt and hat; and opened her beach bag to get her sun-tan lotion. She liberally applied sun-tan lotion all over her VERY sexy, pale white body.

    The bum watched intently.

    She laid back on her towel to read a little. Then realized she'd forgotten to remove her new sandals. She sat up and slipped off her sandals.

    As she stretched back down, the bum leaned over and asked, "Hey lady, can I smell your pussy?"
    Like a released spring and, absolutely outraged, she jumped up and exclaimed, "Of course not! I've never been so insulted!"

    "Oh!" announced the bum, "Then it must be your feet."
  • Amish Heat

    An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

    The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands.

    The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose.

    The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

    The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!"
  • Life On The Moon

    Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.

    "Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."

    The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down.

    Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth women?"

    "Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"

    "I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.

    "Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?" asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
    "That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
    "Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
    "Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"
  • Nude Sunbathing

    The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.

    The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

    "That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."

    About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.

    "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.

    "Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"

    "Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.

    He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.

    "Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.

    A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"

    The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."