|A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu".|
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd:
Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.... "
|A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.|
"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.
"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen??? My God, girl! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?" he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh?"
|A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that so often used the name, Bubba.|
He went to court to change it and appeared before a judge who asked, "Sir, why do you want to legally change your name, are you in trouble, hiding from the law, what?"
"No sir, Your Honor. I'm just tired of listening to jokes about rednecks that often use that name. It's Bubba this, Bubba that, so I want my name changed."
The judge asked, "And what name do you want it changed to?"
He said, "Candy."
The judge replied, "Candy? Spell it for me."
He said, "Candy, C-A-N-D-Y, Your Honor."
The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, legally, "Your name is now, Candy."
He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and heard, "Who's there?"
He said, "It's me!"
She said, "Come on in Bubba, the doors unlocked."
He said, "It's not Bubba."
She said, "Yes it is, I recognize your voice."
He said, "It ain't Bubba no more cause I done legally changed it."
She asked, "What is it then?"
He said, "Guess."
She said, "Leroy?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Johnny?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Hell, I give up, come on in."
He said, "Wait, I'll gives ya a hint. Ya holds it in ya hand and ya puts it in ya mouth."
She replies, "Oh!... Come on in, Dick!"
|Emma was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing. "But," she told him, "It didn't end all that great for me."|
Why, what happened? he asked.
"Well, I went out to take a swim in the rough water. I didn't go out so far because the waves were very bad, but even so, I suddenly noticed that all the turbulence had caused the lower half of my bathing suit to be snatched off. I looked but it was gone, gone, gone!"
"Well, for goodness sake, Emma, what did you do?"
"Do? Why I did what any respectable housewife would do. I covered my face and eyes with my hands and ran to the beach house as fast as I could."