• How Much Calcium is in a Kiss?

    Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dread disorder that leaches calcium from the bones as people age.

    The distinguished lead scientist mounts the podium to make his announcement and gives the highlights of the list.

    To no one's surprise, broccoli and cauliflower are there, and the researchers also encourage regular exercise, such as walking, running, cycling or swimming to prevent calcium loss from the bones.

    But, one reporter, reading ahead, shouts from the front row, "You've got kissing on the list as a way to prevent osteoporosis! There isn't any calcium in a kiss!"

    The scientist replied calmly, "In a good kiss, there's enough calcium to make a strong bone about 6 inches long."
  • Life Sucks!

    Three old guys are sitting on a porch in Miami.

    Suddenly the first sighs and says, "Gentlemen, isn't life horrible. Here I am at an age that I can afford the best steaks and what? Bad teeth and gums. I have to eat ground or soft foods."

    The second answers, "Yeah, life is a real bummer. Why here I am at an age where I can buy the finest wines, champagne but what? Ulcers, I have to drink milk."

    The third sighs loudly and adds, "Gentlemen, I know exactly what you mean. Last night at 2 AM I nudged my wife and asked her if she's interested. She screams at me, "What is wrong with you dear? We just got finished doing it for the second time tonight!"

    After a long pause the first man says, "So what is your problem?"

    The third one grunts and says, "Can't you see? My memory is going."
  • Always Wear Something

    The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.

    "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something."

    "Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
    Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"

    "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"

    "Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
  • Worst Company URLs

    1. A site called "Who Represents" where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is www.whorepresents.com

    2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

    3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

    4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

    5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company www.powergenitalia.com

    6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com

    7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com

    8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com

    9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their website: www.speedofart.com

    10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com