|A family was all together recently, just hanging around.|
The sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud, "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase in size by 25% during sex?"
The bother-in-law, a notorious joker, shot back, "So, how come yours don't?"
To which the father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping hard enough."
|Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window.|
He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"That desk is going for $5000," says the shopkeeper.
"$5000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Stanley.
"Ah," says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk."
He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?"
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins there.
"Wow, that's pretty cool,` says Stan. "Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?"
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
"Darn, where did she get all THAT from?" wonders Stanley.
The desk's legs slide apart and its drawers drop down.
|A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.|
He asks the lady, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question, "Do you have vagina?"
"Yes, actually I have one," she says.
The man replies... "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?"
|Joe's wife was sick. Very sick. None of the doctors could figure out what was wrong with her. He was about to go into her room and visit her when her doctor approached him.|
The doctor said, "These might be her last few days, so you should do whatever she asks of you, so that she may die happy."
Well... Joe thought this over and decided that that was a great idea. He went in and they talked for about 3 hours.
After awhile he asked her if there was anything that he could do for her. She thought for a little bit and said, "Make love to me. Eat my pussy.... Fuck me like you never have before..."
He thought this was a little much in her condition, but since It might be one of the last times he sees her he decided to comply.
The next day he came in, and her doctor said that she was much better, and he should do whatever he did yesterday.
Well.. he walked in and they talked, and she requested they make passionate love again, and again he complied.
After about 5 days of this she had fully recovered, and was able to go home. She walked into the living room to find that Joe was crying.
She said, "What's the matter? I'm fine now. You have nothing to worry about."
He replied, "I know, but all this time I can't stop thinking that I should have saved your sister."