• Wild Dreams

    One night a man has a dream that he died and went to heaven. He sat next to another man on a bench and began talking. Before long a beautiful redhead walks by.

    "Man, I'd sure like to fuck that!"

    "This is heaven, just take her behind the white cloud," his new friend replied.

    So he takes her behind the cloud and has the best lay of his life. When he gets back to the bench he begins to tell the man all about it. Then another hot lady walks by.

    "Geez, I'd love to bang that!"

    "Fine, just take her behind the white cloud."

    He does, and returns back to the bench. Another ten minutes goes by and another lady walks by.

    "Excuse me for a moment, I have to get her!"

    "OK, just remember to go behind the white cloud."

    He gets back and sets down. "This is great! But I really have to take a shit!"

    "Go behind the white cloud," the guy replies.

    He gets up and does a number.

    "What do I wipe with?"

    "Just use some of the white cloud," the man yells back.

    Morning comes and the guy walks downstairs where his wife has made him breakfast.

    "I had the wildest dream last night!" He says to his wife.

    "You're telling me! You fucked my three times, shit on the pillow, and wiped your ass with the sheets!"
  • Rehearsal and Performance

    A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance!

    "Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."

    "A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

    "No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."
  • Some Splaining To Do

    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

    Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

    She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

    She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."
  • Friendly Divorce - In Touch With Feelings

    A couple had been divorced for about 6 months, but still remained good friends. This worked out pretty good since the both lived in the same apartment building.

    One day he slipped on the ice and broke his arm. Later he met his ex-wife in the elevator and she asked if there was anything she could do to help.

    He responded, "Well yes, if it's not to much trouble, could you help me take a bath?"

    She readily agreed, and soon after she began washing him she saw a gradual erection began to appear.

    "Look John," she exclaimed happily, "It still recognizes me!!!"