|A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only had 24 hours to live.|
"Of course Darling," she replied.
And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and says, "You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?"
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"
She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, "You know, you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!"
|This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store".|
He hasn't been "getting any" from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating.
He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life.
Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes.
He asks her, "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of a sudden you come in and blow me. What happened?!"
To which his wife replied, "I just washed the floor this morning. I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."
|An American, a Englishman and an Aussie are talking about screams of passion.|
The American said, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her Body with the finest body oil money can buy, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes."
The Englishman said, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with very special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love.. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Aussie said, "That's nothing!!!. Last night I massaged my wife, you know, all over her body with butter. I smeared her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The American and Englishman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? ....wow that's phenomenal ! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"
The Aussie replied, "I wiped my buttery hands on the curtains."
|A groom passed down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar. The best man noticed that the groom had the biggest, brightest smile on his face.|
The best man asked, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up with that smile?"
The groom replied, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride came walking down the aisle, and she too had the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor noticed this and asked, "Hey, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up with that smile?"
The bride replied, "I'll never have to give another blow job for the rest of my life!"