• Open Your Legs

    There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

    She does and they continue.

    A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."

    She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."

    The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

    This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

    So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"

    He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."
  • Cheating Husband

    A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon "quickie."

    "Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk."

    As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!"

    "No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."

    After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!"
  • Seductive Caress

    After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

    It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

    He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

    Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

    As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

    To which he responded, "I found the remote."
  • It's Too Late...

    The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.

    One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed.

    Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door.

    "Too late to hurry now," said the girl, "Joe never prays!"