• Sex Life and Bus Service

    The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra, but he doesn't want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription. Home is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the little blue pills.

    When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife with words. That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes. They tear off each others clothes and are quickly in bed.

    He manages to "rise to the occasion" three times. Three times! He expects his wife to be delighted, but instead, she seems rather sad.

    "What's wrong, dear?" he asks.

    "I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and it's doing you in," she sighs.

    "What do you mean?"

    "I mean, even our sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages, and then -- three come all at once!"
  • The Rules of The Game

    A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children.

    The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church.

    The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin; totally banned according to their faith.

    The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules."
  • Sausage Factory!

    There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.

    Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.

    They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!"

    He showed his son a machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages."

    The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"

    The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother."
  • Dirty Sign Language

    A farmer drives his tractor away from the homestead when half a mile later his brake cable snaps. He sees his wife on the porch and manages to catch her attention but is unable to make her hear what he is shouting. However, he thinks she should under- stand what he wants if he uses sign language.

    So he raises his hand above his head and starts to operate an imaginary pair of pliers, then opens and shuts an imaginary cupboard door and then puts the tips of his fingers together to indicate a shed roof.

    His wife waves to him and then grasps both her breasts, then grabs her crotch and lastly lifts both her buttocks.

    "Stupid woman", he mutters to himself. "Hasn't understood a thing". So he repeats his signals, but gets the same response.

    Exasperated, he walks back to the homestead ready to berate his wife.

    "Didn't you understand a damn thing?' he asks.

    "Yes, I did. ", she says, "you wanted a pair of pliers from the cupboard in the shed. But what I was telling you was that there is a pair in the toolbox under the seat.