• The First Dance

    At an Irish wedding, everyone got drunk. The bride's and groom's families wrecked the reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting.

    The next week, both families were in court.

    The judge asked, "All right now, what happened?"

    Paddy rose and said, "Judge, I was the best man. I should explain what happened."

    "Go ahead, Paddy. Take the stand."

    Paddy explained, "Per tradition, the best man got the first dance with the bride. After I finished my first dance, the music kept playing, so I danced a second song, and then the music kept going some more so I danced a third song. All of a sudden, the groom leapt over the table, ran to us, and gave the bride an unmerciful kick, right between her legs!"

    The shocked judge said, "By God, that must have hurt!"

    "Hurt?" replied Paddy, "He broke three of my fingers!"
  • Erectile Dysfunction

    Husband: I must say that you are very pretty to be a waitress. Can I know your name please...?

    Waitress: That is very nice of you, sir. My name is Isabella.

    Husband: Nice name...!

    Wife: Honey, why don't you tell her about the erectile dysfunction that you suffer from?

    Husband: Right, honey...! I don't know how I forgot my manners.

    Wife: Happens...!

    Husband: Isabella, let me introduce you to the erectile dysfunction that I suffer from. This is my wife Julie.
  • Help With Counting Money

    Patel: Remove your clothes.

    Wife: Why Remove my clothes?

    Patel: Just do and come beside me on the bed.

    Wife: Okay they are off.

    Patel: Nice sweetie. What about your bra and panties? Remove them also.

    Wife: Please I am not in the mood.

    Patel: Just remove your panties and bra and stop all this your everyday 'not in the mood story'!

    Wife: Okay they are off. What's next?

    Patel: I just want you to help me count my money. Every time you help me count the money while your clothes are on, I always find shortages!!!
  • Eye Colour

    A man was talking to his friend at the bar.

    The friend said, "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?"

    "No, I didn't know that," The man replied.

    "So what color are your wife's eyes?" asked the friend.

    The man replied, "I'm too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out."

    So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife's eyelid and exclaims, "Oh my God! Brown!"

    Suddenly, another man pops out from under the covers and exclaims, "How did you know I was here?"