|To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, an elderly couple booked the honeymoon suite at a posh hotel.|
As the bellboy was taking their luggage to the suite, he thought to himself, "At their age, they're booking the honeymoon suite. What a laugh!"
That night, he decided to spy on them, so he sat in the lobby opposite their suite. All night long, all he heard was giggling and clapping coming from their room. He couldn't believe his ears.
In the morning, he apologized to the husband for having spied on them, but being curious, he asked the husband how he could do what he did at his age.
"Well," the husband replied, "it's like this. First I remove all my clothes and lie face up on the bed. Then my wife removes all her clothes. Then..."
"Then WHAT?" the bellboy asked impatiently.
"Grinning, the elderly husband replied, "Then my wife lifts up my penis with one hand and we make a bet."
"You make a BET?" exclaimed the bellhop. "What bet?!?"
Smirking, the husband explained, "If it falls to the right, I win; and if it falls to the left, she wins."
"But, what if it doesn't fall?" asked the bellhop.
"Then we both win!" replied the husband.
|A survey conducted by Sexologist Dr Paras Shah at Ahmedabad among women (Married & Unmarried) gave the following results.|
'UW' - Unmarried Women
'MW' - Married Women
Q: What is the one thing that pierces a woman hard, when she hugs a man?
MW: Unshaved facial hair.
Q: What is the most painful experience during sex?
UW: Beginning of intercourse.
MW: When my hair gets entangled.
Q: How long does an intercourse last?
UW: Around an hour.
MW: Just about 6 mins.
Q: One thing that a woman hates about sex?
UW: Risk of pregnancy.
MW: The cleaning up.
Q: What do men hate the most in a woman's body?
UW: Body odour / unwanted hair / flab.
Q: Which is the one part of woman's body that can get her into trouble?
Q: What is the one quality that a man likes in a woman?
UW: Simplicity / Intelligence / Understanding.
v Q: When is a man in the maximum mood for sex?
UW: At night / When naked.
MW: Those 5 days.
Q: Which part of a woman's body is most liked by men?
UW: Breasts / waist / face / eyes.
MW: Closed mouth.
Q: When is a man not in the mood to have sex?
UW: When he is sick / tired / upset.
MW: When he is hungry.
Q: When is a man very kind to his woman?
UW: When he needs help / when aroused.
MW: In front of other women.
Marriage does bring a lot of maturity to women.
|A flashy showgirl married a 97 year-old retired well-to-do General, largely because she held the belief that the old codger wouldn't even survive the wedding night.|
While her new husband was in the bathroom, the woman slipped into a black see-through nightie and struck her most seductive pose upon the bed.
When the old man finally emerged, she was startled to see that he was stark naked except for earplugs, a clothes pin on his nose and a condom.
"Why are you wearing those?" she asked in amazement.
"Because if there's anything I just can't stand, "he grumbled, "it's the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber."
|John comes home all excited with this bottle and says to Jill, "I bought this at the store. It is supposed to be a topical lovemaking aid for women. When applied to the 'specified place' a rush of blood is let in and the woman is supposed to experience pleasures she's never dreamed of. I can't wait for you to try it out."|
"Really??" Jill said grabbing it out of his hand, "Let me look at the directions for use."
John hands over the bottle and Jill says, "Ohhhhh, now I see why you can't wait for me to try it out. The directions say 'Apply liberally with tongue'"