• New Shoes

    An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.

    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

    Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

    Margaret looked him over, "Nope."

    Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

    Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

    Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

    Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

    "Nope," she replied.

    "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

    Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
  • Anti Tetanus shot

    The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting his coat on. His wife, seeing his unexpected behavior, asks, "And where do you think you are going?"

    He replies, "I'm off to the doctor."

    She says, "Why, are you sick?"

    He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

    Hearing this the wife starts struggling to get out of her rocker, she then slowly goes to the cupboard and starts to put on her coat.

    The husband now looks mystified and starts to yell at his wife. He says, "And where on earth do you think you are going?

    "Oh!" she answers, "I'm off to the doctor, too."
    He says, "Why, what do you need a doctor for?"

    She says, "Well if you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot!"
  • Bed Etiquettes

    The nervous young bride was irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.

    "I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "as I do at the dinner table."

    Amused by his wife's formality, he smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets.

    "Is that better?" he asked.

    "Yes," replied his new wife.

    "Good, darling," he whispered. "Now would you please pass the pu$$y?"
  • 18-54

    A cheating husband decided to write this letter to his wife:

    "My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight."

    When the man came home late that night, he found a reply to his letter on the dining room table:

    "My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. I would like to inform you that, while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also an assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and, like your secretary, he is 18. You, being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths, will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18! Therefore, I'll not be home until sometime tomorrow."