• A Sexual Problem

    Moanin' Mike is sitting in his local bar with his buddies, sharing a beer and bragging about his sex life.

    Moanin' says, "I have great sex with my wife. She's very vocal, she can really rattle the windows, and most of it really turns me on. I love it when she screams, 'Harder!'

    "I love it when she screams, 'Faster!'"

    "Man, you lucky dog! Says his one buddy. But come on and tell the truth, isn't there sometimes a problem with your sex life?"

    "The only problem I have..." Moanin' said dejectedly, "Is when she screams, ....'Deeper!'"
  • Use Your Wife's...

    A woman was at home when she hears someone knocking on her door. She goes to the door and opens it and sees a man standing there.

    That man asks her, "Do you have a vagina?"

    She slams the door, disgusted.

    The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question, "Do you have a vagina?"
    v She slams the door in his face again.

    Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.

    The husband thinks for a second and tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I'll take tomorrow off and stay home just in case this guy shows up again."

    The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whisper, "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it."

    She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question, "Do you have a vagina?"

    "Yes, actually I have one," she answers.

    So the man replies, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?"
  • Cheating Wife

    A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a 'fun house'.

    The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?"

    The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"

    The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the 'fun house' and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home.

    So the cabbie goes in.

    A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.

    The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"

    The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".

    The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!"
  • Wedding Telegrams

    The Bureau of Meteorology forecasts rainstorms so the bride can expect a few good inches overnight.

    Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.

    The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

    Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.

    Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.

    Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She'll last for many years.

    Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.

    Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.

    If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.

    Go for it mate. We all did!

    All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.

    She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.

    Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.

    Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.

    Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.

    Travel Agency to Bride: The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.

    Football coach to bride: If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him off.

    Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.