• Wives Talk About Their Sex Lives

    Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.

    Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

    Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."

    Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"

    Kathy frowned and said, "The postman."

    Looking puzzled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"

    "Because... he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box.
  • Crotch-Less Panties

    A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.

    She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

    At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs - enough times and eventually her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"

    "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile..

    "Thank goodness..... I thought you were sitting on the cat."
  • Terrible Headaches

    Charlie and George were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older.

    Charlie said to George, "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."

    "What do you mean?" asked George.

    "Well," replied Charlie, "I can barely remember the last time I was able to perform in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"

    "Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.

    "Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches," he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."
  • Private Tattoo

    Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

    Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

    "A tattoo?" she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?"

    "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

    "What the hell were you thinking?!" She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill Tattooed on his privates?"

    Well, One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.

    Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital.