• First Night Out

    A guy worked for 30 years at the same factory. He got off work at 3:30, and was home by 3:45 every day of his life. On Fridays, he came home and gave his wife his check.

    One Friday he was walking towards his car, and one of his co-workers asked if he wanted to go out for a beer. He'd never been asked before, so he said, "Sure, why not?"

    One beer lead to another and that led to his first wild night out with the boys. Finally about 3:00 am he comes staggering thru the door. His wife is waiting for him and asks, "Where have you been?"

    "Well," he said, "I went out with the boys for a few beers."

    "You did, did you?" his wife fumed, "Well, just how much money did you spend?"

    "As a matter of fact, I spent about $100.00," he said.

    "$100?? Do you know how long that would last me?" the wife yelled.

    "Well, " he said, "you don't drink, you don't smoke and you've got your own pussy... I guess it could last you forever."
  • Cheating Wives

    A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. He waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her, he found out she was working in a whore house.

    The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?"

    The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"

    The guy replies that all the cabbie has to do is go inside the whore house, grab his wife, put her in the back of the cab, and take them home.

    The cabbie goes in. A couple of minutes later, the whore house door gets kicked open, and the cabbie starts dragging out this woman who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.

    The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here! Hold her!"

    The man looks down at the girl and yells to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE!"

    The cabbie replied, "I KNOW. IT'S MINE... I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!"
  • How Not To Use A Vibrator

    A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sexy very blonde wife alone. The night before he left, he brought home a vibrator and gave it to her.

    "What's this for?" she asked.

    "It's for those lonely nights when you miss me," explained her husband, winking.

    "Just think of it as something to take my place when you get horny."

    A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the vibrator in the garbage.

    "Honey," he says, "why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I'm gone."

    "I did," she said. "But the damned thing rattled all my fillings loose."
  • With Your Bare Hands

    During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money".

    By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she was going.

    "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them."

    "Oh you youngsters !" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of that dang thing with your bare hands just as I did your Grandfather's."