|Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could happen pretty easily, since he had been desperate for quite a while.|
Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of her night table, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him.
"Awww, honey, you're so depressed. Here, take this & go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight. Remember now, this happens only this once. OK ?"
The husband can't believe his ears, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife & says dejectedly, "Crystal says this is not enough, she wants eighty."
The wife's face slowly turns red with anger, "Why that damn bitch. When she was pregnant & her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty."
|A guy on his wedding night in the hotel says to his new wife, "Geez, I never realized you had such big breasts."|
The wife gets all upset and throws him out.
While he is sitting in the hall another guy comes out down the hall.
"What happened?" asks the first man.
"Well," replies the other "I first saw my new wife naked tonight, and all I said was 'Geez, I didn't realize you had such a big butt...' then she threw me out."
Just then a third guy comes storming out into the hall.
"Hey," says the second guy, "Did you put your foot in it as well?"
"No," says the third guy, "But I bloody well could have."
|Greg thought he would give Keli a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.|
"What color?" they asked. Greg settled for white.
"How much does it cost?" Greg asked.
"Expensive, but ok," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea.
"Now Greg, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?"
"No," he said, "nothing like that."
"Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles."
He thought long and hard, pictured Keli in his mind, and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
|Husband tells wife that he is going for a 3 day church conference.|
Wife packs his bag, prepares breakfast for him and says, "Darling, let's pray together before you leave."
Husband says, "Yes."
Wife prays loudly, "Oh Lord! Grant my husband travelling mercies."
Wife: "Oh Lord! Let my husband's mind not waver. Let him become impotent, if he commits adultery."
Husband: Silent !
Wife: "Oh Lord! If he commits any adulterous act, let him not come home alive."
Husband silent. Now starts sweating!
Wife: "Oh Lord! If he cheats his wife, kill him..."
Husband: "Oh shut up! I am no longer going! The holy spirit just told me that the meeting is cancelled!"