• Wedding Telegrams

    The Bureau of Meteorology forecasts rainstorms so the bride can expect a few good inches overnight.

    Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.

    The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

    Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.

    Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.

    Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She'll last for many years.

    Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.

    Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.

    If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.

    Go for it mate. We all did!

    All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.

    She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.

    Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.

    Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.

    Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.

    Travel Agency to Bride: The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.

    Football coach to bride: If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him off.

    Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
  • Let's Play...

    Jill had been sick for quite a while with a sore throat and a cough. Her doctor had told her that she could infect John, so there was to be NO intimate contact between them until she was well. That was why they had played cards every night for a couple of weeks. When she finally got a clean bill of health from her doctor, Jill was delighted.

    That evening at home, she was in the bathroom when she heard John call, "Should I get the cards, Jill?"

    "Yeah!" shouted Jill. "I'll be right out."

    In a few minutes, John shouted, "I can't find the cards, Jill."

    "That's okay, John," said Jill, as she walked out of the bathroom in a bikini made from playing cards.
    "Wanna shuffle, John?" she asked.
  • Butcher's Pussy

    One day, a man came home from work and greeted his wife. Upon seeing him, she asked for $20 to buy meat to fix for dinner that night.

    He leads her to a mirror, holds up the $20 bill and says to her, "Honey, the $20 in the mirror is yours. The other belongs to me."

    Satisfied with his ingenious remark, he sits back and the incident is forgotten.

    The next day, he came home and greeted his wife. When he went in the dining room, the table was laden with meats and delicious foods.

    Shaken, he asked his wife where she had gotten the money.

    She leads him to the same mirror and lifts up her skirt, "See that pussy in the mirror? That one belongs to you. The other belongs to the butcher."
  • Homesickness!!!

    A traveling salesman is in a small town in the Midwest, when his trip is suddenly prolonged for an extra month.

    He was already getting bored there and over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick.

    Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local 'Fun House' for some quality time.

    He walks up to the madam and hands her a thousand dollars and says, "Give me the worst girl in the house."

    The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the best one."

    "No, no," says the man, "you don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."