• Private Tattoo!

    A hardcore CA gets home late one night.

    His wife angry and upset, says, "Where the hell have you been?"

    He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo!"

    "A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

    "I got a thousand rupees note on my privates" he said proudly.

    "What the hell were you thinking?" She said, shaking her head in disgust, "What is wrong with this man, why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a thousand rupees note tattooed on his bloody privates?"

    "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a thousand bucks anytime you want!"

    Wife faints...
  • Sexual Exhaustion!!!

    I overheard 2 guys in the bar the other day. I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.

    One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."

    His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."

    A fellow about my age (42), sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation.

    He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"
  • Any Relation?

    The young Swedish-American couple, having the same last names, went to the marriage license bureau. The clerk began to fill out the license form.

    "Your name?" he asked the prospective bride-groom.

    "Ole Yonson."

    "And your name?" the clerk asked the bride-to-be. "Hilda Yonson."

    "Any relation?" asked the clerk.

    "Yust vunce," Hilda blushed. "Ve couldn't vait."
  • Doggie Style!

    A huge man married a petite and innocent girl who was a virgin. He was sexually experienced and suggested having sex "doggie style" on their wedding night.

    She didn't know what he was talking about and when he explained it, she flew into a rage and insisted they have sex using the "normal" position or not at all.

    However, after having sex he was unable to withdraw his penis because it was so big and she was so small. They found themselves in the embarrassing position of having to call an ambulance to take them to the emergency room for help.

    After hanging up the phone he said, "You know, if you had done it the way I wanted you too we could have walked to the emergency room."