|A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.|
With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw.
The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
|During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."|
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor, "No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"
|A woman was having sex with her lover in her apartment. Suddenly she heard her husband arrive, She told her lover, stay like statue and Don't move.|
Husband, "Who is this?"
Wife, "This is a robot I bought to have sex, when you are travelling."
Husband, "Ok, let's have sex now." Wife, "No sweetheart, yesterday I got my period, So I will go & make a cup of coffee 4 you."
After she left the husband said, "Damn it I'm so horny, I will fuck this robot!"
He tried fucking.
The lover started talking in a metallic robotic way, ""SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE! SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE."
Husband, "Damn! Robot is not working properly, I'm throwing it out of the window."
The lover realised that he was on the 20th floor so he said, "SOFTWARE UPDATED" PLEASE TRY AGAIN."
|A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.|
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter... Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.
"Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!
"Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!
"Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money."
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."