|A newly wed couple went to their lawyer to get themselves a divorce.|
The lawyer wondered dat why do they want a divorce wen they are both good looking & newly wed. So he took both of them into seperate rooms & asked them the reason for the divorce.
1st with the man...
"I wanted this () ... atleast this ( ) ... but wat is this ( *** ) ..!!!"
...then with the woman...
"I wanted this =========> ...atleast this =====> ...but what is this ==> ???"
|One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:|
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: OK, Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha Ha..., well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmmmmm..... about 10 minutes.
Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: OK... OK... On the kitchen table.
Presenter (laughter in the room): Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.
Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: OK! About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.
Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?
Sharelle: (Giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough. Brian was just being a gentleman.
Presenter: OK. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway... just tell em.
Sharelle: Ohhhh..... alright.... Up the ass!
|A survey conducted among women gave the below results. 'A' were the answers given by un-married women. 'B' are the answers given by married women. Sure marriage gives a lot of maturity to women.|
1. What is the one thing that pierces a woman hard, when she hugs a man?
B. Un shaved facial hair.
2. What is the most painful experience during sex?
A. Beginning of Intercourse.
B. When my hair gets entangled.
3. How long does an intercourse last?
A. Around one hour.
B. Just about 6 mins.
4. One thing that a woman hates about sex?
A. Risk of pregnancy.
B. The cleaning up.
5. What do men hate most in a woman's body?
A. Body odour / unwanted hair / flab.
6. Which is the one part of woman's body that can get her into trouble?
7. What is the one quality that a man likes in a woman?
A. Simplicity/Intelligence/ Understanding.
8. When is a man in maximum mood for sex?
A. At Night/When Naked.
B. Those 5 days.
9. Which part of a woman's body is most liked by men?
B. Closed mouth.
10. When is a man, not in mood to have sex?
A. When he is sick/ tired / upset.
B. When he is hungry.
11. When is a man, very kind to his wife?
A. When he needs help/ when aroused.
B. In front of other women.
|There was once an unemployed, married couple. The bills kept coming in and they decided it was time for desperate measures. The wife would have to go on the game, with the hubbie as pimp. So they take off for the red light district and find a likely spot. Hubbie waits 'round the corner out of sight while she shows a bit of leg. Soon enough a car crawls by. It stops up the street, then reverses back towards her. The window winds down and she gets the ball rolling.|
"Evening, love. Can I help you?"
"Er....yeah...er...how much for a w*nk?" says the man, in a state of nervous excitement. "Only I haven't got much money, see."
"Just a minute," she says and scuttles round to ask her husband. "Here, how much should I charge for a w*nk?"
"I don't know," he says. "A fiver, I guess."
Back she goes and tells the young man, "Five pounds for a good w*nk, love."
He says, "OK, and ...er...how much for a blowj*b then?"
"Just a minute....." Round she goes again and asks her husband for the price.
"A blowj*b? Well, gotta be a tenner."
Back she goes to the car and duly reports, "Ten pounds'll get you the best bj you've ever had, darlin'."
Says the man, "Oh, right. And for a shag, how much would that be?"
"Just a minute....." etc. etc.
Soon she's back at the car, feeling a little tired. "Well it's twenty quid for a full shag."
The young man looks disappointed and says, "Oh dear, I've only got fifteen pounds on me. I'll have a blowj*b then."
So the woman gets in the car and he whips out his manhood. The colour drains from the woman's face. It's like a baby's arm holding an apple!
"Just a minute" she says, and scuttling back to her husband says, "Quick, love, lend us a fiver!"