• Disgrace

    Preeto was virgin and was going out on a date with Banta for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.
    He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don`t let him do that. He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don`t let him do that.He is going to try to put his hand between your legs , you are going to like that but, don`t let him do that.
    But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don`t let him do that, it will disgrace the family.
    With that bit of advise, Preeto went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
    So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said. But she said "grandmother I didn`t let him disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
  • Getting better !

    For his wife, Jeeto`s birthday party, Santa ordered a special cake with this inscription:

    "You are not getting older,
    You are just getting better."

    When asked how he wanted it arranged, Santa said, "Just put `You are not getting older` at the top, and `You are just getting better` at the bottom."
    It wasn`t until Santa was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

  • Strange addiction

    Banta went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
    "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can`t tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won`t dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
    "Thanks doc, I`ll try it." And he did. But three weeks later Banta came back and saw the doctor again.
    "What? My recommendation didn`t work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
    "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied Banta.
    "What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the doctor.
    "Well, I don`t smoke cigars anymore, but now I can`t go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my butt."
  • Almost married !

    Santa and Banta meet after many years. Banta asks Santa, "How have things been going?"

    Santa speaking very slowly tells Banta, "I wa.aa..sss aaal.m.ooo.sst mmm.aa.rrr. ii.e.ddd"

    Banta says in amazement, "Hey; you don`t stutter any more."

    Santa, " Y..ee.sss, I ww..e..nn..ttt to a ddd.o.c.ttt.o.rrr. aa.n.ddd h.ee t.oo.l.dd mm.e t.h.aa.ttt i.ff I s.pp.e.a.kkk.. s.ll.o.w.ll.yyy I w.i.llll nn.o.tt sss.t.u.t.t.e.rrr

    Banta congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married.

    Ww.e.lll mm..y fff.i..a.n.c.eee a.n.dd I ww.e.r.e ss.i..ttt..iinn.ggg onn h.err pp.o.rr.c.h aa.n.ddd tt.h.e ddd.o.gg w.a.sss sss.c.r.a.tt.c.hh.i.n.gg hh..i..ss bb.a.c.kk aa.n.dd I tto.o.l.dd h.e.rr tt.h.aaa.tt ww.h.e.nn w.eee aa.rr.e m.a.rrr.i.e.dd ss.h.ee c.aa.nn d.oo tt.h.a.tt f.o.rr mm.e aa.n.d ss.h..ee tt.h.r.e.w tt.h.e rrr.ii.n.gg i.nn m.y ff.a.c.e"

    "Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks Banta."

    Ww.e.lll I sss.p.e.a.kk ss.o sl.o.w.ll.y, tt.h.a.tt bb.y tt.h.e ttt.i.mm.e ss.h..e ll.ooo.kk.e.dd at tt.h.e dd.o.g, h.e ww.a.s ll.i.c.k.i.nn.gg hh.i.s bb.a.l.ll.ss."