|A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.|
The guy asks, "What's in the box?"
The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."
The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"
The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later.
"That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me."
The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door.
"Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands.
"South American Blow Job Toad."
"So?" asks the wife.
"So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."
|Ek Bhari Bus Mein Ek Ladki Ke Peeche Khare Ek Ladke Ka Auzaar Ladki Ko Touch Kar Raha Tha.|
Ladki Ne Us Ladke Ko Zor Se Thaapad Maara Aur Kaha: Kamine, Tharki... Khud Ko Khade Hone Ki Jagah Nahin Aur Tune Isko Bhi Khada Kar Rakha Hai...
Ek Kutte Ne Gadhe Ko Sota Dekha Toh Socha Ki Kuch Masti Ho Jaaye. Usne Gadhe Ki Lena Start Kar Di.
Gadha: Kya Kar Rahe Ho???
Kutta Hanste Hue: Kuch Nahi, Mazaak Kar Ra Raha Hun.
Gadha: Agar Maine Mazaak Kiya Na Toh Bhosdi Ke Toh Aankhein Bahar Aa Jayengi!!!
70 Saal Ka Ek Budha Apne Doctor Dost Se Bola: Mein Aaj Bhi Sex Karne Mein 1 Ghanta, 40 Minutes Aur 5 Seconds Lagata Hun.
Doctor, Hairani Se: Wah, Kya Baat Hai! But Is Umar Mein Bhi??? Kaise???
Budha: 40 Minute Khada Karne Main, 5 Second Dhakka Maarne Mein Aur 1 Ghanta Sex Ke Baad Hosh Mein Aane Ke Liye.
Teacher: Tumhaare Pita Ji Ka Kya Naam Hai?
Shararti Bachcha: Ji Madan Lal Darshan Lal Chaudhary.
Teache: Yeh Toh Bahun Lamba Hai, Koi Chota Naam???
Bachcha: Ma Dar Chod!!!
Pappu, Apne Teacher Se: Sir Aisi Kaun Si Cheez Hai Jiske Phatne Ki Awaaz Nahin Aati???
Teacher, Kuch Der Sochne Ke Baad: Chup Kar, BC, Kamina... Jab Dekho Gandi-Gandi Baatein... Dirty Mind!!!
Pappu: Sir Iska Answer 'Doodh' Hai......... Vaise Aap Bhi Apni Jagah Sahi Hain!!!!
|8 things we've learned from Watching Porn:|
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never Impotent.
3. Women always Orgasm at same time as men.
4. All women are Noisy Fucks.
5. Men always groan OH YEAH when they cum.
6. A common & enjoyable Sexual Practice for a Man is to take his half erect penis & slap it repeatedly on a Women's Butt.
7. Asian Men don't exist.
8. Women look Pleasantly Surprised when they open man's trousers & find a Dick.
9. Assholes are always clean. 10. Men don't have to beg. 11. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you. 12. Women never have headaches... or periods. 13. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it". 14. Men always pull out.
|A popular Baptist preacher, who on Sunday morning announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract, and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.|
Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a mini van, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs, and applauds.
Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!"
More sighs and applause.
Ms. Ella May, aged 70, stands and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!"
There is a hush.
The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?"
Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked My husband how we could help, and he said.... 'Fuck him'."