• A Working Girl

    A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young woman in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink.

    "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation.

    Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of me with liquor."

    He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy he place."

    "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked.

    "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.
  • Crazy Wild Sex

    Sadie and Yetta, two widows are talking.

    Sadie, "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

    Yetta, "Vell... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car... a limousine, even, uniformed chauffeur and all.

    "Then he takes me out for dinner. Marvelous dinner. Lobster, even. Den ve go see a show... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could have just die from pleasure! "So then we are coming back to my apartment and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

    Sadie, "Oy! Vey... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

    Yetta, "No... I'm just saying, vear an old dress."
  • The Playboy's Trap

    Overheard in a bar: "First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."

    "Oh no you're not," said Anni.

    "Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."

    "Oh no you're not," said Anni.

    "Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."

    "Oh no you're not," said Anni.

    "Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."

    "Oh no you're not," said Anni.

    "And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.

    "Oh yes you are!" said Anni.
  • Young Farm Couple

    A young farm couple got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'.

    In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

    The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

    Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.

    "Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."

    They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office.

    "What's wrong? Didn't my idea work?"

    "Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come running. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin."

    "Good, Homer. So what's the problem?"

    "I might ah trained her too good. I ain't seen her since hunting season started!"