|1) Some women's legs are like rumors, they just keep on spreading.|
2) If you are ugly; you are ugly - stop talking about inner beauty because we don't walk around with X-rays.
3) Dear sister, don't be deceived by a man who text you I miss you only when it's raining. You are not an umbrella.
4) Check your girlfriend's body, if she has more tattoos or piercings, you can cheat on her. She is already used to pain.
5) Dating a slim or slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.
6) It's better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn't even drill it herself.
7) Some of you girls can't even jog for 5 minutes but expect a guy to last in bed with you for 2 hours??? Your level of selfishness demands a one week crusade.
8) If women think having their period (menstruation) in a whole month is a difficult task, they should ask the men how difficult is it to control an erected Penis in public.
9) No sex before marriage? If that was God's plan you would receive your Penis or Vagina on your wedding day.
10) Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a girlfriend.
11) Sucking breast is a survival skill guys learnt at birth. But as to how and where girls learnt the act of sucking dicks still baffles me...
12) Swimming pool is much more useful than the Liverpool football club.
|Three Texans were in a bar throwing back a few, while they were discussing the meaning of life. The conversation grew deeper and deeper when one of the gents started talking about reincarnation. The trio started considering the possibility of the existence of this phenomenon and what each would prefer to come back as given the choice.|
The first cowboy said, "Well I think if I had my 'druthers I'd come back as a big Brahman bull."
The other two contemplated this choice and inquired as to why a bull.
"Well," he said, "If I was a bull all I would have to do would be to lie around, eat and sleep all day. My women would be brought to me, and my owner would be paid for my services. That seem like a pretty good life to me."
His two buddies both agreed that sounded like a good way to go through life, but one thought he could improve on it. He said, "I'd rather come back as a range bull."
"A range bull, why a range bull?"
"Well," he said, "If I was a range bull it would be much the same as the life Leroy was talkin' 'bout. All I would have to do all day is lie around, eat and sleep, but I wouldn't have no fences to hold me back, and I would have my choice of all the women on the range. That seems like the best life to me."
Leroy nodded in agreement.
Just then ol' Charlie spoke up. "Naw," he said as he shook his head, "Ya'll got it all wrong. I'd rather come back as a whale."
"A whale, why in tarnation would you want to come back as a whale?" They were amazed at Charlie's statement.
Charlie just grinned and said, "Can you imagine having a seven foot tongue and bein' able to breathe out of the top of your head?"
|A man named Bob was walking down the street when he saw his old friend Craig.|
Craig says, "Hello Bob."
But Bob tells him not to call him Bob but to call him Lucky.
"Why should I call you lucky?" says Bob.
"Well I was walking down the street the other day and had just stopped on the side of the road. Then the light went green and I began to cross the road. Seconds later, a safe fell from the building directly under where the man was standing."
"Wow that's pretty lucky." says Craig.
So they say goodbye and walk away. Craig sees bob again next week and says, "Hi Lucky."
Bob tells him not to call him Lucky but to call him Lucky Lucky.
Craig asks him why and Bob says, "I was crossing the road when I tripped over and hurt my ankle. I was about to get up when I saw a car speeding down the street. I was trying to get up but it was getting closer and closer. All of a sudden the car crashed into another car that was coming from side on."
"Wow that's pretty lucky" says Craig and they say goodbye and leave.
Next week Bob is walking down the street and he sees Craig again.
Craig says, "Hello Lucky Lucky."
Bob says "Don't call me Lucky Lucky. Call me Lucky Lucky Lucky."
Bob tells him that just the other day he took his girlfriend out to dinner and they were both incredibly horny so they went to a hotel and were getting it on when the chandelier fell and smashed his girlfriends cunt.
Craig says, "Whats so Lucky about that?"
Then Bob answers, "Well if it happened 10 seconds earlier it would have cut my head off!"
|A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots. She downs the first one..."This is for the shame", and then the second one..."This is for the glory."|
She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first one..."This is for the shame" and then the second one... "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering...what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got knotted together and he dragged me around the front yard for forty minutes."