|Liz is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along. She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried. She asks, "What if the baby starts coming, and I can't get to the hospital in time?"|
The doctor replies, "Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors. It's a very natural process. The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant."
She interrupts with, "Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?"
|An Australian family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is unmarried. So they call a marriage broker and ask her to find their son a good wife.|
The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking many questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a wife/daughter-in-law. They give her a long shopping list of requirements.
The marriage broker takes a long time looking and finally asks to visit the family again. She tells them of a wonderful woman she has found. She says she's just the right age for the son... she keeps a perfectly clean home... is of sober habits, and regularly attends church every Sunday... she is a wonderful cook... she loves children and wants a large family and, to top it all off, she's drop dead gorgeous.
After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.
At this point, the son gets up the courage to ask, "Is she also good in bed?"
And the marriage broker answers, "That I'm not sure of.... Some say yes... some say no and some says just so, so."
|A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.|
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"
|Ishmael Nussbaum founded a tailor supply shop in New York and worked hard to grow it into a national company.|
As his two sons, Peter and Andrew, grew older and graduated from college; he brought them into the business where they all flourished.
Finally at age 95, Ishmael passed from this world and his sons called a meeting of all the employees.
They thanked the employees for their hard work, praised their father's guidance and then announced the change they planned for the firm.
Not much was to change except the name, Nussbaum and Sons. Peter and Andrew planned to Anglicize the firm's name and were changing their names to Nuss. So the new firm would be known as Nuss Brothers.
The receptionist at this point, arose and announced she was quitting. The brothers tried to talk her out of it as she had worked so long at the firm for their father and certainly this little name change wouldn't affect her that much.
She responded, "You aren't the one who will have to answer the phone, 'Nuss Brothers.... which one do you want to talk to? P. Nuss or A. Nuss?'"