• Monica Lewinsky's Love Handles

    Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

    "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.

    "No," said the genie, "You have been very bad recently, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."

    "Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. But, I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish I would like my love handles removed."

    "Poof!"

    And just like that... her ears were gone.
  • Pearls of Wisdom

    My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up and for me it is a time to reminisce. We used to take long walks and drives together.

    He would make special trips to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him. I was young when he died. If he were living today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.

    The one I remember best came from him when I was only 12. We were sitting in a park, watching children with their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.

    Then came the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice when he said, "And be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

    "Why should I do that, Grandpa?" I asked.

    "It makes your pecker look bigger."

    It kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
  • Naughty Quickies

    A Girl Went For Gender Change Operation.
    All Her Friends And Relatives Were Waiting Anxiously Outside The Operating Room.
    When She Came Out, She Smiled Broadly And Shouted: Laudey Lag Gaye.

    Aurat Chappal Wali Dukaan Pe: Bhaiya, Ek Chappal Dikhao?
    Dukandar: Number Kya Hai?
    Aurat: 36 Number.
    Dukandar, Aankh Maarte Hue Bolta Hai: Bhabhi Ji, Dimag Pe Zor Laga Ke Socho, Kya Lene Aayi Ho.

    Boy Friend: Janu, Tum Kitne Baje So Ke Uthti Ho?
    Girl Friend: Apna Koi Fix Time Nahi Hai, Ja Bhi Dil Kare So Jati Hun, Or Jab Dil Kare Uth Jati Hun.
    Boy Friend: You Noughtyy, Tumhari Sab Aadtein Bilkul Mere Lund Jaisi Hai.

    Banta Ne Ek Din Apni Patni Se Bade Pyar Se Puchha: Darling, Tumhara Kabhi Dil Nahi Chahta Ke Tum Mard Hoti.
    Patni Ne Bhi Bada Pyara Jawab Diya: Kyun Aaj Tumhara Marvane Ka Mann Kar Raha Hai Kya?

    Sex KArte Hue LAdki Jor Jor Awaazein Nikaalne Lagti Hai... Chillati Hai... Haat-Pair Maarne Lagti Hai...
    Boy: Jaanu... Ye Kya Kar Rahi Ho... Hum Koi Pehli Baar Toh Nahin Kar Rahe Hain.. Phir Ye Sab Kyun... Kahin Sach Mein Dard Ho Raha Hai Kya ?
    Ladki: Tum Bas Lage Raho... Mein Toh Apni Wedding Night Ki Practise Kar Rahui Hun.
  • Discharge Problem

    Mrs. Cohn went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge. Doctor said: Get undressed, Mrs. Cohn, and lie down on the examining table.

    She did, whereupon the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her "Private Parts."

    After a couple of minutes he asked: How does that feel?

    "Wonderful," she replied, "But the discharge is from my ear."
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