• Rough, Tough & Selfish

    A guy walks a woman to the door after there first date. He asks her if she had a good time. She tells him yes but that to get her really horny, she likes her men to be Rough, Tough & Selfish.

    The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a bikers black leathers. He grabs her, throws her on the back of his newly rented Harley, and away they go to the nearest bikers bar.

    The whole evening is spent drinking and brawling with the bikers. When they get back to her house, he drags her up to the bedroom.

    He asks her, "Well, was I Rough?"

    "Yes..." she purrs and rubs herself suggestively.

    "And was I Tough?" he asks.

    "Oh yes," she moans.

    "Well then, it's time to be selfish!!!"

    So saying, he whips it out and gives himself a hand-job.
  • A Radio Game

    One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:

    Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
    Brian: Yeah, sure.
    Presenter: OK, Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
    Brian: Ha Ha Ha..., well, about 8 o'clock this morning.

    Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
    Brian: Hmmmmmmmm..... about 10 minutes.

    Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
    Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.
    Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
    Brian: OK... OK... On the kitchen table.
    Presenter (laughter in the room): Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
    Brian: Yeah, alright.

    Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
    Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
    Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.
    Sharelle: Hi Brian.
    Brian: Hi Sharelle.

    Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
    Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
    Sharelle: OK.

    Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
    Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
    Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
    Sharelle: OK! About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

    Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?
    Sharelle: (Giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
    Co-Presenter: That's close enough. Brian was just being a gentleman.

    Presenter: OK. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
    Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
    Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
    Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway... just tell em.
    Sharelle: Ohhhh..... alright.... Up the ass!

    Radio Silence...
  • You-Know-What

    A lady was in the garden tending to her flowers when she got the urge to pee. So she did and wiped off her dew on a rose. Her husband came along later, picked up the rose, sniffed it, then ran to phone the newspaper editor.

    "I found a rose that smells like a woman's you-know-what!"

    The editor said, "That's nothing. When you find a you-know-what that smells like a rose, call me again."
  • The Big Dick!

    A guy is in the pub toilet having a wee when the door to the bathroom opens. In walks a very large, very muscular guy. This guy proceeds to pull down his pants, revealing a very large penis.

    To the man's amazement, the muscular guy growls and slams his penis into the sink attached to the wall. It shatters, spraying pieces and water everywhere.

    Next, the muscular man growls louder, and slams his penis into one of the stalls, making the entire thing collapse. Then he slams his penis into the wall of the room, knocking a very large hole into it. The muscular man approaches the scared guy having a piss.

    "Hey, mate, do you see this very large, very strong cock?" he asks.

    "Yes," replies the guy taking a leak.

    "Do you know what I am going to do with this very large, very strong cock?" the muscular man asks.

    "No, I'm afraid I don't," says the first man.

    "I'm going to shove it up your arse!" exclaims the muscular guy.

    "Jesus, that's a relief. I thought you were going to hit me with it!"