• Costume Party

    A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

    He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

    So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

    She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished... Naturally, (since he was her husband.)

    Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

    Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.

    She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.

    He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

    "Did you dance much ?"

    "You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."
  • A businessman packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.

    "Honey," he says to his wife.

    "Yes, darling?" she replies.

    "Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "Why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be unfaithful."

    "Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you," she replies sweetly, "It's just that, well, you know, with all those terrible diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know that if anything did happen, you'd be protected. So please, darling, take it with you, won't you? For my peace of mind?"

    "Oh, all right, if you put it that way," he relented, "I'll do it for you. But for safety's sake, give me more than one!"
  • Quick and Fast!

    Little Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his college... but she belonged to someone else.

    One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $50 if you let me have you.... but the girl said NO.

    Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.

    She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.

    So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $75, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

    Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

    She said, "The - silly - bas - tard - used.... ooooooh - aaaaah - ooooooh - aaaaaah - oh my god - stop - stop I'll kill you if you stop - oooooaaaah - oooahh - pennies, and... I... still... got... about... fifteen... dollars....to... go, ooooooooh......"
  • Sex Drive

    A woman sought help from her doctor.

    "All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him," she said. "And he's right too. I have no desire at all."

    The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.

    "Those pills were great Doctor, I'm doing it twice a night now, sometimes even three times."

    "That's wonderful," said the doctor, "What does you husband say now?"

    "I don't know, Doctor," she replied. "He has been away on a business trip for the past two weeks."