|A prostitute with a single room decided she would get a partition installed so she could entertain 2 clients at once.|
A builder knocked up the partition in no time, and after he'd finished, he asked for his money. The girl explained that she didn't have it, but that she could pay for the job with sex. The builder complained and complained, then finally agreed, saying sex was better than nothing.
"I like it doggy style", he said.
She positioned herself accordingly.
He slobbered on his thumb and forefinger before inserting them in her rear orifices. She squealed in surprise. In a deep and completely dominating voice he said.
"Now give me my money, or I'll rip out your partition."
|Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies, so she had "The Talk" with him. Afterwards Little Johnny just sat there silently for awhile.|
"Do you understand?" his mother asked.
"Yes," replied Little Johnny.
"Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother.
"Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little Johnny.
"In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom.
"Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "Boy, oh, boy. Daddy will fuck ANYTHING!"
|A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.|
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!"
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient.
"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass......"
|A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him, "Why is the front of your shirt all bloody?"|
His customer answers in a slurred voice, "My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis."
"Oh come on," replies the bartender.
The customer then says, "If you don't believe me, I'll show you."
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says, "Why this is just a cigar!"
The customer looks puzzled and says, "I have it here somewhere," and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says, "See that."
The bartender again inspects it closely and says, "You idiot, that's just another cigar."
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself, leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says, "Oh no, I must have smoked it!"