• It's Too Late...

    The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.

    One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed.

    Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door.

    "Too late to hurry now," said the girl, "Joe never prays!"
  • Can White Parents Have a Black Baby?

    Sandy and John were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright, white couple.

    Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to have a black baby, and set to work.

    Nine months later, the fruits of their labor was born: a lovely white girl.

    Pleased but disappointed, John decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black baby.

    Realizing that John was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him aside and asked, "Is your wanker at least a foot long?"

    John had to admit that it was not. "And is it at least four inches wide?"

    Once more John replied in the negative. "Well, man, there's your problem!" the guy slapped him on the back.

    "You let in too much light!"
  • The Sex Trap

    "First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."

    "Oh no you're not," said the girl.

    "Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."

    "Oh no you're not."

    "Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."

    "Oh no you're not."

    "Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."

    "Oh no you're not."

    "And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.

    "Oh yes you are!" said the girl.
  • Compensation For Willy

    A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway."

    "You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything is OK but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

    Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, "You've got Pound 9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch."

    The bloke perks up at this.

    "So the thing is," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.

    "I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine inch she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

    So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.

    "So," says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?"

    "I have." says the fellow.

    "And has she helped you in making the decision?"

    "She has," says the bloke.

    "And what is it?" asks the doctor...

    "We're having a new kitchen!"