|The race-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.|
"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my breasts and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
"Nothing, but then you felt between my legs and yelled, 'who left the garage door open?'"
|The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra, but he doesn't want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription. Home is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the little blue pills.|
When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife with words. That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes. They tear off each others clothes and are quickly in bed.
He manages to "rise to the occasion" three times. Three times! He expects his wife to be delighted, but instead, she seems rather sad.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asks.
"I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and it's doing you in," she sighs.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, even our sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages, and then -- three come all at once!"
|Secretary complaining with friend about her Boss:|
He is so crazy about SEX! He tells me to do 'LAPTOP' and then 'DESKTOP' Position followed by 'SPREADSHEET FORMAT'
He tells me to 'Convert' his 'SOFT DISC' into 'HARD DISC' & he installs 'ANTI-VIRUS' to 'ENTER' and 'SCROLLS' it in my 'C-DRIVE' till it 'EJECTS'.
Once I tried to 'ESC' but he caught and 'SHIFTED' me to his 'HOME' where he started pressing my 'BACKSPACE' saying-let us 'RESTART' again...!
If I refuse he threatens to keep me on 'STAND-BY' Position. Many times he works without 'CAPS-LOCK' and crashes my 'SYSTEM' until he 'LOGS-IN' and Looses his 'Ctrl'.The process continues till I 'ZIP' him and 'SHUTDOWN' his 'MAIN SYSTEM'.
But he doesn't know that the final 'PRINT-OUT' of all this 'DATA' will be handed over to him by me within a few months.....
|A guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious.|
Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack.
He unbuttons the girl's blouse,and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, soft breasts.
The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open.
"Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her tits, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?"
"It wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!