• What They Want, What They Get

    What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are.
    What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.

    What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flagpole.

    What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra lbs. the moment after she says 'I Do' beginning with the wedding cake!

    What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience together.
    What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  • Ball-type Deodorant

    Judi and Jon got married and she was at the drug store looking at the men's toiletries.

    A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.

    "I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon, but I don't know what type he uses."

    The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"

    "No," says Judi, "it's for his underarms."
  • Downunder Garage

    The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

    "What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you?" he asked.

    "It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman.

    "In your sleep, you felt my ta-tas and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
    "What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
    "Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"
  • Murgi Bechna Bhi Aafat Hai

    Ek Gaanv Ki Aurat Murgi Khareedne Bazar Gayi. Aurat Dukandar Se Boli: Bhaiya Jara Murgiyan Dikhana.

    Dukandar Ne Ek Murgi Dikhayi.

    Aurat Ne Murgi Ke Neeche Apna Haath Rakha Aur Boli: Ye Delhi Ki Murgi Hai, Ye Nahi Chahiye, Dusari Murgi Dikhao.

    Dukandar Bola: Kyun???

    Aurat Boli: Yeh Murgi Chara Toh Aapne Ghar Ka Khayegi Aur Ande Kahin Aur Jakar Degi.

    Dukandar Ne Dusari Murgi Dikhayi.

    Aurat Ne Phir Murgi Ke Neeche Apna Haath Rakha Aur Boli: Ye Bhi Nahi Chahiye, Dusari Murgi Dikhao.

    Dukandar Bola: Issmein Kya Kami Hai?

    Aurat Boli: Ye Punjab Ki Murgi Hai, Yeh Sham Ko Ghar Mein Nahi Aati Hai Aur Pakdo Toh Pakad Mein Bhi Nahi Aati Hai.

    Dukandar Ne Teesari Murgi Dikhayi To Aurat Ne Phir Wahi Kaam Kiya Murgi Ke Neeche Haath Lagaya Aur Boli: Ye Bhi Nahi Chahiye Koi Aur Murgi Hai Toh Dikhao Nahi Toh Main Kisi Dusari Dukan Par Jaati Hun.

    Dukandar Bola: Ab Issmein Kya Kami Hai?

    Aurat Boli: Ye Dehradun Ki Murgi Hai, Yeh Thandi Area Mein Rahi Hai Jiss Se Ande Kam Deti Hain.

    Dukandar Samajh Gaya Aur Usne Dusari Jaati Ki Murgi Dikhai, Aurat Ne Murgi Ke Neeche Hath Lagayi Aur Boli: Haan-Haan Yeh De Do, Yeh Bihar Ki Hai Khoob Andey Deti Hai.

    Aurat Jab Dukandar Ko Murgi Ke Paise Dekar Jane Lagi To Boli: Bhaiya Aap Kahan Ke Rahne Wale Ho?

    Dukandar Sharmaate Hue Bola: Ab Main Kya Bataun Ji, Aap Khud He Mere Neeche Haath Laga Ke Check Kar Lijiye.