|A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. a young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.|
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back???"
|A guy went into a public washroom and had to use the only available urinal, which was between two elderly men. He glanced to his left and saw the guy pissing, but there were two streams.|
"What the hell is that?" he asked.
"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes."
Then the guy looked to his right and saw three streams. "What the hell is that?"
"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes."
The two veterans then looked over at the guy in the middle and saw 12 streams! "War wound?" they both asked.
"Naah, my zipper's stuck."
|The journey of a boy to a man in search of an answer.....|
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
|One night a man has a dream that he died and went to heaven. He sat next to another man on a bench and began talking. Before long a beautiful redhead walks by.|
"Man, I'd sure like to fuck that!"
"This is heaven, just take her behind the white cloud," his new friend replied.
So he takes her behind the cloud and has the best lay of his life. When he gets back to the bench he begins to tell the man all about it. Then another hot lady walks by.
"Geez, I'd love to bang that!"
"Fine, just take her behind the white cloud."
He does, and returns back to the bench. Another ten minutes goes by and another lady walks by.
"Excuse me for a moment, I have to get her!"
"OK, just remember to go behind the white cloud."
He gets back and sets down. "This is great! But I really have to take a shit!"
"Go behind the white cloud," the guy replies.
He gets up and does a number.
"What do I wipe with?"
"Just use some of the white cloud," the man yells back.
Morning comes and the guy walks downstairs where his wife has made him breakfast.
"I had the wildest dream last night!" He says to his wife.
"You're telling me! You fucked my three times, shit on the pillow, and wiped your ass with the sheets!"