|Ole is out on the farm plowing the back 40. Suddenly Ole needs to take a leak. He jumps off his tractor, drops his pants, and begins to relieve himself.|
Poor Ole, doesn't realize he's peeing on a hornets nest buried in the field. Suddenly Ole is surrounded by a swarm of angry, wet bee's and he gets stung multiple times right on his tallywacker. By golly, this really hurts, so Ole runs like the dickens to the farm house and calls the doctor.
Ole says, "Hey Doc, I vas just out back plowin ya know, when I had to pee and by golly I peed right on a hornets nest, and they stung me right on my tallywacker, and she burns something terrible'. Vat can ya do to help me dere, Doc?"
The Doctor replies, "Well now, Ole, if I was you, I'd stick my tallywacker in a bowl of warm buttermilk. It should relieve the swelling and stop the burning. That's what I'd do."
So by now, Ole's unit is swollen up to un-believable proportions. So he pours himself a bowl of buttermilk and lays his wacker in the bowl.
Lena enters, and looks at Ole with his member laying in the buttermilk, she pauses for a moment, looks Ole squarely in the eye and says to him, "Ya know dere Ole, we've been married for nearly 20 years now, and I never could figure out how you reloaded dat ting!"
|A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.|
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
|A woman came home from her date and began to undress for bed, unaware that a peeping Tom was watching her through her window.|
She removed her wig and placed it upon the wig stand. She unhooked her padded bra and pitched it into the hamper. She pulled off her girdle with the padded butt and pitched that too. She removed her contact lenses, cleaned them, and stored them in their case. She pulled off her false eyelashes and stuck them to their holder.
Suddenly she noticed the man peeping in at her window.
"What do you want?" she screamed.
He said, "You know what I want. Take it off and throw it over here."
|True Story from a Medical Center|
A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or finding out your pen!s fits through your wedding ring.