|Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window.|
He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"That desk is going for $5000," says the shopkeeper.
"$5000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Stanley.
"Ah," says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk."
He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?"
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins there.
"Wow, that's pretty cool,` says Stan. "Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?"
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
"Darn, where did she get all THAT from?" wonders Stanley.
The desk's legs slide apart and its drawers drop down.
|A gorgeousl, size 10 blonde (droooooool) from New York went to Australia
for her vacation and booked into a VERY expensive hotel.|
She changed into her skimpy thong bikini, put on a fashionable beach shirt, beach hat, sunglasses, new sandals... You get the idea. She grabbed a large towel; her new beach bag and headed for the golden Australian sand and sun.
To her surprise the beach was very crowded. The only spot big enough to accommodate her large towel was right next to a filthy, salt encrusted bench with a seriously dirty old bum collapsed on it.
She was VERY nervous about stretching out in her bikini next to this old bum ... but it was the only available place. Anyway, she was on holiday, this was Australia and she figured she'd be safe enough!
She spread her beach towel; removed her shirt and hat; and opened her beach bag to get her sun-tan lotion. She liberally applied sun-tan lotion all over her VERY sexy, pale white body.
The bum watched intently.
She laid back on her towel to read a little. Then realized she'd forgotten to remove her new sandals. She sat up and slipped off her sandals.
As she stretched back down, the bum leaned over and asked, "Hey lady, can I smell your pussy?"
Like a released spring and, absolutely outraged, she jumped up and screamed, "Of course not! I've never been so insulted!"
"Oh!" announced the bum, "Then it must be your feet."
|A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.|
He asks the lady, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question, "Do you have vagina?"
"Yes, actually I have one," she says.
The man replies... "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?"
|A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, "I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other."|
The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, "Lady, I'll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?"
"Well, if you really want to know," she firmly answers, "I'm sick and tired of my husband telling me that there's never anything good to eat between the holidays."