|Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?|
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
|Santa found Banta, lying beside the road after a car accident. Banta was crying hysterically. Santa stopped his car and ran to him.|
"Yaar Banta! Are you all right?"
Sobbing, Banta moaned, "Look at my new car!" pointing to it, wrapped around a tree.
"Oye Banta, please don't cry. You can always get another car."
"But look inside the car."
Santa did and said, "Oh..., that's terrible. But don't cry yaar! You can always get another girlfriend."
Banta wailed, "Look inside her mouth !!!"
|Ek Pathan Ki Shadi Thi Magar Usey Kuch Pata Nahi Yha.|
Us Ka Dost Usey Apney Ghar Le Gaya Aur Apne Bedroom Mein Almari Ke Uppar Baitha Diya Aur Kaha Ke Yahan Baith Kar Dekho Ki Main Kaise Karta Hun.
Phir Wo Dost Apni Wife Ke Saath Sex Kerney Lag Gaya.
Jab Vo Sex Kar Ke Farigh Hua Toh Bola: Samajh Gaye Ab... Aise Karte Hain... Tum Bhi Aise Hi Karna.
. After few Weeks Dost Ne Pathan Se Poocha: Amaan Mian, Kaisi Guzar Rahi Hai?
Pathan: Bohat Zabardast! Roz Ek Dost Ko Saath Le Kar Jaata Hun, Khud Araam Se Almaari Per Baith Jaata Hun Aur Dekh Dekh Ke Maje Leta Hun.
|A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.|
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order, "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. It's brilliant!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt & long legs who agrees with everything I say."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Men are brilliant until they think about a woman!!!