• Nude Portrait

    Grace and Martha were from a very prim and proper Eastern finishing school, and they were spending their vacation together in New York.

    On this particular afternoon, they had accepted an invitation from a Bohemian artist, whom they had met a few weeks before on a visit to the Village, to attend an exhibition of his paintings. As they approached an extremely provocative nude, Grace couldn't help noticing that the canvas bore a striking resemblance to her girlfriend.

    "Martha," she gasped, "that painting looks exactly like you. Don't tell me you've been posing in the nude!"

    "Certainly not!" Martha stammered, blushing furiously. "He must have painted it from memory."
  • Rainbow Colors Condoms

    A guy went into the adult section of a department store to buy condoms.

    The female clerk told him, "We have the rainbow assortment on sale today, would you like those?"

    The guy said, "Sure, I'll take a box."

    A few months later, he went into the women's clothing section and saw that this same female clerk had transferred into the maternity section.

    The guy said, "I'd like to buy a maternity blouse."

    The clerk asked, "What bust?"

    To which he replied, "One of the damn blue ones!!!"
  • A Stiff One

    After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said, "What can I get you, gorgeous?"

    The woman blushed and replied, "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please."

    The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear, "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"
  • What's Fornication?

    At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?"

    The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?"

    "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son.

    Dad charges off to confront his brother.

    Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this you think they would serve champagne."