• A Radio Game

    One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:

    Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
    Brian: Yeah, sure.
    Presenter: OK, Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
    Brian: Ha Ha Ha..., well, about 8 o'clock this morning.

    Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
    Brian: Hmmmmmmmm..... about 10 minutes.

    Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
    Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.
    Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
    Brian: OK... OK... On the kitchen table.
    Presenter (laughter in the room): Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
    Brian: Yeah, alright.

    Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
    Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
    Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.
    Sharelle: Hi Brian.
    Brian: Hi Sharelle.

    Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
    Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
    Sharelle: OK.

    Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
    Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
    Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
    Sharelle: OK! About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

    Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?
    Sharelle: (Giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
    Co-Presenter: That's close enough. Brian was just being a gentleman.

    Presenter: OK. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
    Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
    Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
    Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway... just tell em.
    Sharelle: Ohhhh..... alright.... Up the ass!

    Radio Silence...
  • You-Know-What

    A lady was in the garden tending to her flowers when she got the urge to pee. So she did and wiped off her dew on a rose. Her husband came along later, picked up the rose, sniffed it, then ran to phone the newspaper editor.

    "I found a rose that smells like a woman's you-know-what!"

    The editor said, "That's nothing. When you find a you-know-what that smells like a rose, call me again."
  • The Big Dick!

    A guy is in the pub toilet having a wee when the door to the bathroom opens. In walks a very large, very muscular guy. This guy proceeds to pull down his pants, revealing a very large penis.

    To the man's amazement, the muscular guy growls and slams his penis into the sink attached to the wall. It shatters, spraying pieces and water everywhere.

    Next, the muscular man growls louder, and slams his penis into one of the stalls, making the entire thing collapse. Then he slams his penis into the wall of the room, knocking a very large hole into it. The muscular man approaches the scared guy having a piss.

    "Hey, mate, do you see this very large, very strong cock?" he asks.

    "Yes," replies the guy taking a leak.

    "Do you know what I am going to do with this very large, very strong cock?" the muscular man asks.

    "No, I'm afraid I don't," says the first man.

    "I'm going to shove it up your arse!" exclaims the muscular guy.

    "Jesus, that's a relief. I thought you were going to hit me with it!"
  • Quick Diagnosis

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

    At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

    The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating & see if that does the trick?"

    As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine tht woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"

    "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."

    The younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."

    Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

    "You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her, "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

    As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?" "I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope &, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the bed."