• Sexually Unresponsive

    Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers from Singapore.

    She refused with disdain.

    He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again.

    Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.

    He found Mabel, and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.

    Mac began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm coming around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling around his rear.

    Mac, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."

    "Don't worry about me, love," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on the sneakers.
  • Buying a Bra for The Wife

    Greg thought he would give Keli a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.

    "What color?" they asked. Greg settled for white.

    "How much does it cost?" Greg asked.

    "Twenty-four dollars."

    "Expensive, but ok," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea.

    "Now Greg, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?"

    "No," he said, "nothing like that."

    "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles."

    He thought long and hard, pictured Keli in his mind, and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
  • Dick in The Bush

    Two Irish kids playing in a lane found a donkey who had died with a hard on. Being the mischievous kind of boys, they cut off the donkey's dick and began brandishing it in the air.

    Just then, a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane, and the boys not wanting to be caught with it, tossed it over the wall of the Nunnery.

    Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes.

    "Oh sweet Jesus," says Sister Agnes.

    "What's wrong?" asks Sister Mary. "You've gone as white as a sheet."

    "It's those dirty protestant bastards," Sister Agnes replies. "They have murdered Father O'Toole!"
  • Farm Equipments

    One day little Johnny's teacher was teaching the class about agriculture. To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment.

    She puts up the first picture, "What is this a picture of class?" she asks.

    Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand.

    Of course, the teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirty in mind and picks Suzy."What is this Suzy?"

    "Its a rake."

    "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" she asks and points at the next picture.

    Johnny's hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny.

    "That's a pitchfork" says little Suzy.

    "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?"

    The teacher asks once more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its little Johnny. Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher asked Johnny.

    "OK Johnny, what is this?"

    All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn't know the answer.

    "UH, UH, its a shovel, yeah, it's a shovel."

    "No Johnny, this isn't a shovel, this is a hoe."

    "What?!?! My sister's a hoe and she doesn't look nutin' like that!!"