• Firm and Juicy Peaches

    The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately, the peach orchard had done really well. The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to town.

    Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went up and knocked on the door. A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door.

    In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey, what can I do for you?"

    Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale."

    The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her robe showing her breasts.

    She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"

    Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

    So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties.

    She teased, "Would they be succulent and delicious like this?"

    The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."

    She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

    The old farmer whimpered, "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."
  • Dance of Love

    It was a difficult case for the jurors. They had to decide whether the owners of the Bottoms Up Club in NYC were guilty of obscenity. The Judge decided that it would probably be best if the jury went to the club and see the allegedly obscene act.

    The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part where a sexy couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic scene of lovemaking on a bearskin rug.

    The jury was unable to decide definitely whether it was obscene or not. So the jury members asked to see the act one more time. They watched it carefully again. But they still couldn't reach a decision. So this time they asked the understudies to perform the same act one more time.

    Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very understanding. According to the Detective: "It is a difficult matter. The police have watched the show 75 times."
  • Nymphomaniac Wife

    Bob took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. "This Is one hot potato of a lady, Doctor," he said. "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, and I get very jealous. Killed four guys already."

    "We'll see," the doctor said. He directed the missus into his examining room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.

    The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm. It Was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and began to screw her.

    Bob heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to control himself, he pushed open the door, only to be confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife banging away.

    "Doctor, what are you doing?" he asked.

    The flustered doctor said, "Oh, it's you, Bob? I'm only taking your wife's temperature!"

    Bob opened his switchblade knife and began to wipe it on his sleeve very deliberately.

    "Ok Doc,....." he said, "but when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"
  • Castration Surgery

    A man went to see the local doctor and complained because his wife was having too many little bastards; she was having at least one per year. He said, "Doc, ya gotta help me, I can't gets enough welfare or steal enough to feeds em all."

    The doctor got down his medical reference book and looked up the problem. He told his patient the book said if a man's bitch was having too many brats, he should remove the man's right testicle. He then administered anesthesia with a beer bottle and took out his pocket knife and performed the surgery.

    Three years later the man was back at the doctor's office complaining the surgery had failed; she was still having at least one per year. The wise doctor took his book back down and studied the problem.

    The doctor said, "Well, the book says if your wife is having too many brats to remove your right testicle, we've done that. If she still has too many brats, then we should remove the left testicle."

    Once again he got his beer bottle and his pocket knife and performed surgery.

    Three years later, the same man was back complaining the surgery had once again failed. The doctor was quite perplexed and got his book back down.

    After several minutes of study he told his patient, "It says here if a man's wife is having too many brats to remove his right testicle. If she continues to have too many brats, remove his left testicle. We've done all that. The next page says if the man's wife still has too many brats after you have removed both testicles, you've done castrated the wrong man!"