|How marriage works in India ?|
A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks. Husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out in town and party and drink with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I am going out and will be back soon."
"Where are you going honey bunch?" asked wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
Wife said, "You want a beer, my love?
She went and opened the door of the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries - Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
Husband didn't know what to do, the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop but at the bar you know they have frozen glasses."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
Husband, looking bit pale, said, "Yesss... Tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those reshmi kababs, that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise.. Okkk?"
"You want reshmi kababs poochie pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different types of ready to eat kababs, chicken wings, cutlet, mushroom caps, etc.
"But my sweet honey.... at the barrr... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"Teri Maan Ki... you want dirty words, you bastard??? Bhenchod, drink your fucking beer in your damn frozen mug... eat your shitty snacks you Madarchod... and Bhosdi Ke Ab Teri Shaadi Ho Gayi Hai, Isliye Tum Kahin Nahin Jaa Rahe Ho...!!! Samajh Aaya Bhen Ke Laude Ya Dun Pichwaade Mein Ek Laat?"
So he stayed home. And, they lived happily everafter.
|A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."|
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The man said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
|What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are.|
What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.
What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flagpole.
What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra lbs. the moment after she says 'I Do' beginning with the wedding cake!
What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience together.
What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
|Judi and Jon got married and she was at the drug store looking at the men's toiletries.|
A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.
"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon, but I don't know what type he uses."
The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"
"No," says Judi, "it's for his underarms."