• The Midnight Surprise

    An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner.

    "Check this out!" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we should do with it?"

    With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, now would be a good time to wash it."
  • Panic Situation

    A vet received a phone call very late one Saturday night. "Please come quick," a very agitated voice on the other end said. "My dog has swallowed a condom."

    "Is he in distress?" the vet asked."

    "You don't understand," the voice said. "My dog has swallowed a condom."

    "Yes, but unless the thing has lodged in his throat it will probably pass through his system without harming the animal."

    "Please come quick," the voice went on undeterred. "The dog has swallowed a condom and my girlfriend is getting very distressed."

    Eventually the vet gave in and promised that he would come round right away. He was just putting his coat on when the phone rang again. "About the dog that swallowed the condom," said the voice, it was a lot calmer now. "Panic over, we've found another one in the drawer.
  • Au Naturel

    A shapely Finnish girl was a counselor at a girl's camp on Wonder Lake. She was at the camp a day early to get things in order, and when her work was done, she thought it would be nice to start a sun tan "au naturel", since this was private property. Suddenly, she heard male voices! She jumped up, stood in a crouch, and covered her bosom with crossed arms. Two young men approached her, asking "Which way is it to the boy's camp on Wonder Lake?"

    She said, "Oh, I know you guys, you just want me to point, so you can see my titties!"

    "No, no," they said, "we just want to know what direction we must go, we're lost."

    "O.K., she said, straightening up, and standing on her right leg and lifting her left leg horizontally, she said, "It's over dat way!"
  • On Your Knees

    The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber and was shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him, spread-eagle and naked on their bed.

    "My dear!" he exclaimed, "I expected to find you beside our bed and on your knees!"

    "OK," she said, obediently changing positions, "but I always get the hiccups when I screw in that position."