• Catching Rabbits

    Paddy decided to go rabbit hunting, but when he got to his favorite field, he saw the village priest was already there.

    Paddy watched with fascination as the priest held his finger over the rabbit hole, and immediately a rabbit popped out. The priest grabbed it and put it into a sack.

    He repeated this unusual but very successful technique until his sack was full of rabbits.

    Paddy stopped the priest and asked him how he did it.

    "Easy," said the priest. "Stick your finger in your wife's pussy and wiggle it around a bit. When you hold your finger over a rabbit hole, they can't resist the smell. When they pop their heads out, you grab them."

    Paddy rushed home to find his wife bent over scrubbing the floor. He lifted up her skirt and applied his finger as directed.

    Without looking up, Paddy's wife giggled, "Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?"
  • Flower Vase

    A very large blonde woman and a very large brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop....

    "Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers."

    The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?"

    The brunette replies, "Because now he'll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air."

    "Why?" asked the blonde, "Don't you have a vase?"
  • Height of Bragging

    A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

    Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

    Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

    The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."

    The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
  • Female Masturbation

    Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation: jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so on... there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

    "I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

    "But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the second.

    "You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have any slang terms of our own for it."

    The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage, there's only one thing I call it."

    "What's that?"

    "Finishing the job."
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