• Some Splaining To Do

    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

    Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

    She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

    She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."
  • Afraid of Going Down...

    There was this young couple who have dated since high school, but they have never had sex because the boy's mother always told him that what a woman has between her legs has teeth. For obvious reasons, the boy has always been afraid to venture down there.

    They finally marry, and on their wedding night, the young groom walks out of the bathroom to find his new bride dressed in a very sexy negligee and lying invitingly on the bed.

    She says to him, "Oh honey, here's the moment we've been waiting for.... It's time to consummate our marriage."

    He is apparently flustered, and says, "Oh, no....I'm not going down there!"

    The confused bride asks, "But honey, why not?"

    He turned to her and said, "Well, my mother always told me that what a woman has between her legs has teeth."

    The bride laughed and said, "That's nonsense; here, let me show you." So, she whips off her negligee, spreads her legs open, and pulls her nether lips apart, saying, "See honey?... No teeth!"

    The groom quickly replies, "Oh my! With gum disease like that, it's no wonder you have no teeth!!"
  • You Black and They White

    When his mother asked why, he replied, "The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to the letter E. Why is that?"

    His mom said, "Because you black and they white."

    The next day Tyrone was crying again. "What's wrong today, Tyrone?" his mother asked.

    Tyrone said, "Teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get up to 10. Why is that?"

    The mom answered, "Because you black and they white."

    The third day he came home smiling.

    "What happened today, Tyrone?" asked his mom.

    "We went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all, because I'm black and they white, right mama?"

    She said, "No, Tyrone, it's because you 17 and they 6."
  • Free Sex with Fill-up

    A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a local "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.

    The buyer then guessed 8, the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

    A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up, again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

    The redneck guessed this time, again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

    As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

    Bubba replied, "No tain't Billy Ray, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."