• Offer and Honour!

    During WWII, an American Army Captain stationed in England met and fell in love with a British Lieutenant in the WRENS. After a whirlwind courtship, they became engaged and his fiancee wanted him to spend the weekend at her parents' home in the country so they could meet him.

    When they arrived at a huge estate, a Rolls Royce was parked in front of a circular driveway with a staff of a dozen maids, butlers, gardeners, etc., standing at attention awaiting their arrival. It was obvious to the Yank that his fiancee was no ordinary Brit, but of the nobility. Her parents were absolutely taken by her choice of a husband and a delightful weekend was enjoyed by all.

    When the Yank returned to his headquarters outside London, he went to the British liaison officer's office, explained what had happened, and asked what the proper protocol would be for him at the wedding.

    "At the wedding, pretty much the same as your American weddings, I would say, but a bit more elaborate. The big difference would be after the wedding. You will both have connecting rooms in the Claridge. You will both go to your separate rooms, where you will bathe, apply cologne, put on your pajamas and robe, and go to the door connecting your two rooms.
    You will rap on the door. She will answer, 'Yes,' and you will say, 'I offer you my honor.'
    She will respond, 'I honor your offer.' That is your permission to enter her room. After that, it's honor and offer All night."
  • I Betcha...

    A salesman came across a house that had a large number of cars parked outside it. Intrigued, he stopped and decided to sell his double glazing to the owner.

    Answering the door was a gorgeous young woman, and the salesman started into his banter.

    After she turned down his offer for double glazing, his curiosity got the better of him and he asked how she came to acquire so many cars.

    "Well," she said. "I make bets with gentlemen, they lose they give me their car."

    The salesman becoming more intrigued, asks, "What does the bet entail?"

    All they have to do is copy exactly what my son does."

    "Is that all? How old is your son?"

    "He's only seven."

    With this the salesman can't resist anymore.

    "OK, I'll bet you I can do exactly what your son can do and if you win you get my car, but what do I get?"

    "I'll buy your double glazing and give you a good time in my bedroom."

    The salesman agrees and the woman calls her son.

    "Right, Tommy I want you to put your hand up my blouse."

    Tommy puts his hand up his mother's blouse and the salesman does exactly the same.

    "Tommy, put your hand in my bra."

    Tommy puts his hand in his mother's bra and the salesman does exactly the same.

    "Tommy I want you to put your other hand up my skirt."

    Tommy puts his hand up his mother's skirt and the salesman does exactly the same.

    "Now Tommy, I want you to bend your dick in half.

    The salesman hands her his keys.
  • Dirty Minds Think Alike

    Two deeply religious Irish retirees were sitting on a patio playing checkers and sipping fine Irish whiskey. They enjoyed the mid-day sun almost as much as much as watching the local citizens walk by.

    A few minutes go by and a middle-aged women pushes a baby stroller past the patio.

    The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

    "Aye," says the other as he takes a pull from his whiskey.

    "Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a wee one."

    "Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they go about their game of checkers.

    A few minutes later, a young couple stroll down the avenue hand in hand, gazing deeply into each others eyes.

    The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

    "Aye," says the other as he takes another pull from his whiskey.

    "Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a lover."

    "Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they do about their game of checkers.

    A few more minutes later, a young lass wearing clothes scarcely covering her shapely curves stops in front of the patio, bends over in front of the Irishmen giving them full exposure to her lovely rear, and smells the flowers in a near flower bed and walks on.

    The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

    "I'm not rightly sure this time, Shamus," says the other as he takes yet another pull from his whiskey.

    "But if I am, I'll surely be joinin' you in confession this afternoon."
  • The Spare Oar!

    A salesman from Cincinnati traveled to Alabama for a company meeting. He couldn't get a flight back home till Sunday so he decided to spend Saturday fishing.

    He went to Cabela's and found a great deal on rods, reels and a loaded tackle box. He rented a kayak at Guntersville lake and headed out in search of bass.

    He was only 15 minutes from shore when the trolling motor stopped working. When he realized that the rental company only gave him one oar, he decided to seek help.

    He saw a man with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar.

    "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.

    The other man appeared offended and yelled back, "Thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"