• Artificial Insemination

    After considerable soul searching and having determined that the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to give artificial insemination a try. When the woman arrived at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups.

    She was feeling very uneasy about the whole procedure when the doctor entered the room. The sight of him pulling down his pants certainly didn't help to diminish her anxiety.

    "Wait just a minute!" she yelped, pulling herself into an upright position. "What the hell is going on here?"

    "You want to get pregnant, don't you?" the doctor asked.

    "Well, yes, I do," she replied.

    "Then lie back down and spread 'em," instructed the doctor.

    "We're all out of the bottled stuff, so you're going to have to settle for what's on tap!"
  • A Sad Story

    A journalist goes to Afghanistan for a documentary. In a little village he saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

    The old man smiled and began, "One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the goat. When we finally found her, as is our tradition, we all drank some more vodka and all the men in the village each got their turn to mate with the goat. We had so much fun that day!"

    The journalist realized that he couldn't publish such a story so he asked the old man if he had another happy story.

    The old man smiled again and started all over again, "Once, my neighbor's wife got lost in the mountains. As per our tradition, all of the village's men gathered to drink vodka and then went to look for her. As is our tradition, when we finally found her, all the men in the village got their turn to mate with the neighbor's wife. We had great fun that day!"

    The journalist couldn't publish that story either and therefore asked, "Don't you have a story that is less happy; something... umm ... sadder?"

    The old man's smile faded. His eyes welled up..... In a sad, soft voice he began, "One day I got lost in the mountains.....
  • The Cunt Mouse

    A worried voice on the doctor's telephone declared, "Doc, a mouse just ran up my wife's honeypot!"

    "I'll be over in 10 minutes," The doctor replied. "In the meantime, try waving a piece of cheese between her legs."

    When the doctor arrived at the house, the young son showed him upstairs to the bedroom. There on the bed lay a frantic woman, legs spread wide, while her husband waving an open can of tuna back and forth.

    "You idiot!" the doctor cried. "I said to use cheese!"

    "Dammit," the husband yelled back, "I know that! But I've got to get the cat out, first!"
  • Rare Natural Phenomena

    Badshah Khan from Tehlal, Nowshehra claimed that his piece of land sinks down by 2 inches in the winter season and rises to the original level in the summers.

    National Survey of Pakistan were unable to find the cause of the problem so they invited National Geographic to investigate.

    Nat Geo surveyors Mark Davidson and the renowned Geologist Natalie Grehnovich spent 2 weeks in summer and 2 weeks in winter with their state of the art equipment studying and researching but could not come up with a plausible explanation of the claimed phenomenon.

    With the help of an interpreter they quizzed Badshah Khan, "How did you first notice that the earth rises 2 inches in the summer and sinks 2 inches in the winter."

    Badshah Khan replied, "When I sit down to pee in the winters, the earth is 2 inches below and not touching my balls but, in summers when I sit down to pee, my balls scrape the ground!!!"