|The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra, but he doesn't want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription. Home is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the little blue pills.|
When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife with words. That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes. They tear off each others clothes and are quickly in bed.
He manages to "rise to the occasion" three times. Three times! He expects his wife to be delighted, but instead, she seems rather sad.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asks.
"I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and it's doing you in," she sighs.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, even our sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages, and then -- three come all at once!"
|Secretary complaining with friend about her Boss:|
He is so crazy about SEX! He tells me to do 'LAPTOP' and then 'DESKTOP' Position followed by 'SPREADSHEET FORMAT'
He tells me to 'Convert' his 'SOFT DISC' into 'HARD DISC' & he installs 'ANTI-VIRUS' to 'ENTER' and 'SCROLLS' it in my 'C-DRIVE' till it 'EJECTS'.
Once I tried to 'ESC' but he caught and 'SHIFTED' me to his 'HOME' where he started pressing my 'BACKSPACE' saying-let us 'RESTART' again...!
If I refuse he threatens to keep me on 'STAND-BY' Position. Many times he works without 'CAPS-LOCK' and crashes my 'SYSTEM' until he 'LOGS-IN' and Looses his 'Ctrl'.The process continues till I 'ZIP' him and 'SHUTDOWN' his 'MAIN SYSTEM'.
But he doesn't know that the final 'PRINT-OUT' of all this 'DATA' will be handed over to him by me within a few months.....
|A guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious.|
Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack.
He unbuttons the girl's blouse,and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, soft breasts.
The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open.
"Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her tits, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?"
"It wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!
|A woman was driving along, and her car broke down. She decided to hitchhike to the nearest gas station. A truck driver hauling a load of chickens pulled up.|
The driver asked, "Hey, little lady, need a lift?"
"Yes, my car broke down, and I need a ride to the nearest gas station."
The driver replied, "OK, but first you have to fuck me! No fuck, no ride."
She said, "I'm sorry, I don't need a ride that badly."
So the driver pulled away. All this time, the driver had a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot started saying, "No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!"
The driver said, "You had better shut up, bird, or I'm gonna throw you in back with the chickens!"
About two miles down the road, the parrot said, "No fuck, no ride!"
So the driver slammed on the brakes and threw him in back with the chickens! About two more miles further down the road, the driver heard sirens and saw flashing lights, so he pulled over. He got out of the truck and approached the officer.
"What's the problem, officer. I wasn't speeding was I?"
The officer said, "I wasn't pulling you over for speeding. I just wanted to inform you that you have a parrot throwing chickens out the trailer screaming, "No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!"