• Special Talent

    In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at.

    The next day the Teacher calls on Mary.

    Mary got up and said, "I've been taking piano lessons for 2 years."

    The teacher told Mary that was very good. After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is going to say.

    She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent.

    He stood up and said, "This is my special talent."

    Then he stuck his tongue out. The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand. How is your tongue a special talent"?

    Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that she baby sits, has a pussy grinder!"
  • Difference between Like and Need

    A man was shopping in the men's department at John Lewis when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.

    He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam."

    She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?" The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly..... That's what I'd like.... but What I Need is a new TIE !"
  • Watermelon Clit

    During an international gynecology conference, an English doctor and a French doctor were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.

    "Only last week," the Frenchman said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"

    "Don't be absurd," the Brit exclaimed. "It couldn't have been that big -- she wouldn't have been able to walk if it were."

    "Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied the Frenchman. "I was talking about the flavor!"
  • What Women Say During Sex

    Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking.

    "One thing to keep in mind is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing."

    "What do you mean, Uncle Greg?"

    "Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, 'Are you done yet?'

    "On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, 'Are you done already?'"

    "What do other women say?"

    "Well, a schoolteacher will say, 'We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!'

    "A nurse will say, 'This won't hurt one bit.'"

    "I thought they said, 'Pull down your pants and bend over.'"

    "That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will say, 'Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.'

    "A stewardess will say, Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.'"

    "And what does Aunty Keli say?"

    "She says, 'Beige ... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige.'"