|A Christian family, comprising mom, dad and daughter were sitting around the dinner table with the reverend of their church as their honored guest.|
The mom told her daughter to start off the prayer so they can start eating dinner already.
The daughter hesitated, "But Mom!"
After her mom gave her an encouraging look, she started the prayer.
She started moaning and groaning, as if she's having an orgasm. She was also screaming, "Oooh, God! Ooooh, Jimmy! Oooh, God! Jimmy! Oh God, oh God!"
All of a sudden, her mother stopped her.
"What's gotten into you?"
She seemed embarrassed and surprised.
The daughter then said to her mother, "What? That's what I hear when you pray!"
|When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted he join the Marines.|
At the induction physical, the doctor directed the reluctant naked recruit to read the eye chart across the room.
"What chart?" the young man asked.
"The one on the wall!" The doctor said.
Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor asked his beautiful nurse to walk in naked.
"What do you see now?"
"Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said, "but your 'indicator' is pointing toward Paris Island !
Welcome to the Marine Corps, son.
|An Army Lieutenant Colonel, while on reconnaissance of his area of responsibility, was going alone through a forest one evening when his jeep broke down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman.|
Lt. Col: Can I spend the night at your place?
Woman: Well, I live alone.
Lt. Col: I'm an honourable man, a Lieutenant Colonel in the Army.
Woman: I got only one bed.
Lt. Col: No problem. I'm an honourable man.
Woman: I go to bed naked.
Lt. Col: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a Lieutenant Colonel.
Woman: Be my guest, Lieutenant Colonel.
The woman was expecting that the Lt Col will try to take advantage and remained awake but to her bad luck nothing happened as the Lt Col honoured his word and instead enjoyed a good night's sleep. Next morning while leaving, the Lt Col finds the woman busy with her poultry.
Lt. Col: Good birds you got there Ma'am.
Lt. Col: How many cocks and how many hens?
Woman: One hundred hens, but only one cock.
Lt. Col: But.... I can see over a dozen cocks around.
Woman: Only one cock out there. The others are Lieutenant Colonels !!!
|Young Zeke was on his way home from the market when he saw a girl from the next farm and offered her a ride.|
Pretty soon, they came to a clump of trees, and she asked him to stop.
Seeing that he was bashful, she took his face in her hands and kissed him. Then she asked, "Do you want to go a little farther?"
He said, "Yep, Get up Betsy.
"So they rode a little farther, and she asked him to pull up at another shady spot. Then she took one of his hands and placed it inside her bosom and his other hand on her thigh, and asked. "Do you want to go a little farther?"
Again he said, "Yep, get up Betsy."
So, when they stopped at the third bushy place, she reached over and opened his fly and took his pecker out. She spread herself before him and asked, "Now do you want me to put it in for you?"
He replied, "Yep. My paw would kill me if I go home with it hanging out."