• Pregnant Footballer

    There was an soccer player anxious to make it into one of the Premier league teams.

    When he found out about the trials being held he held a party with his chums. One of them brought along some Marijuana which they all used.

    The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!!

    Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, "Hey, Patti I need a favour. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I'll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here."

    Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of yellow liquid.

    He thanked her, and he proceeded to take the "sample" to the team's physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial.

    All was fine -- he thought!

    Two days later, the Football manager called him, and said, "I'm afraid we have to withdraw the trial offer."

    "Why?" he asked.

    We just cannot," said the team boss, "have a pregnant man on our football team!"
  • Fucking Magic

    David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick.

    "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table."

    "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage.

    He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts f**king her from behind.

    David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!"

    The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic."
  • Take off Your Clothes And Get to Work

    Banta runs into his office, wearing only a hat and carrying a briefcase. His boss stops him and says, "What are you doing, Banta? Do you realize you're naked? Shouldn't this be your day off?"

    Banta calmly explains that he was on a party when suddenly the lights went out. Some voice said, "Gentleman, take off your ties." Somebody turned on the lights again and not a single guy was wearing a tie.

    The situation repeated - the lights went out, but this time the voice said "Gentleman, strip naked." When the light went back on, the ladies started giggling and clapping their hands because all the guys were naked.

    The lights went out again and this time the voice said, "Ladies, take your clothes off!" When the light came back on, all the ladies were naked.

    The same voice said, "Gentleman, now get to work!"

    "So I grabbed my hat and briefcase and came here, sir."
  • Visiting The Louvre Museum

    A Frenchwoman took her young daughter to the Louvre. As they stood before a statue of a nude male, the child pointed at its penis and asked, "Mama, what's that?"

    "Oh, nothing, Cherie."

    "I want one," said the child. The mother tried to focus her daughter's attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted.

    "I want one. I want one like that one," she kept repeating.

    Finally, her mother said, "If you're a good girl and stop talking about it now, I promise you that when grow up, you will have one."

    "And if I'm bad?"

    Her mother sighed. "Then you will have many!"