• You're On Fire

    Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen quid."

    She says, "Fifteen pounds? You're crazy. For fifteen quid, I'll let only you look at it."

    They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "Oh my, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's beautiful."

    She says, "Thank you."

    He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"

    She says, "Go ahead."

    He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?"

    She says, "Of course."

    He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."
  • Free Sex?

    A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always looked and sounded very sour.

    One evening, one of the friends was feeling rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take their orders, "Do you believe in free sex?"

    The waitress huffed up and screamed at him, "I certainly do NOT!"

    "Soooo," asked they guy, "what do you charge?"
  • Compassionate Leave

    A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops. One man he passed sported an enormous erection.

    "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave."

    "Yes sir," the Sgt. Major replied.

    A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.

    "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.

    A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry.

    "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?"

    "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.

    "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.

    The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."
  • A Sexual Problem

    Moanin' Mike is sitting in his local bar with his buddies, sharing a beer and bragging about his sex life.

    Moanin' says, "I have great sex with my wife. She's very vocal, she can really rattle the windows, and most of it really turns me on. I love it when she screams, 'Harder!'

    "I love it when she screams, 'Faster!'"

    "Man, you lucky dog! Says his one buddy. But come on and tell the truth, isn't there sometimes a problem with your sex life?"

    "The only problem I have..." Moanin' said dejectedly, "Is when she screams, ....'Deeper!'"