• The Cunt Mouse

    A worried voice on the doctor's telephone declared, "Doc, a mouse just ran up my wife's honeypot!"

    "I'll be over in 10 minutes," The doctor replied. "In the meantime, try waving a piece of cheese between her legs."

    When the doctor arrived at the house, the young son showed him upstairs to the bedroom. There on the bed lay a frantic woman, legs spread wide, while her husband waving an open can of tuna back and forth.

    "You idiot!" the doctor cried. "I said to use cheese!"

    "Dammit," the husband yelled back, "I know that! But I've got to get the cat out, first!"
  • Rare Natural Phenomena

    Badshah Khan from Tehlal, Nowshehra claimed that his piece of land sinks down by 2 inches in the winter season and rises to the original level in the summers.

    National Survey of Pakistan were unable to find the cause of the problem so they invited National Geographic to investigate.

    Nat Geo surveyors Mark Davidson and the renowned Geologist Natalie Grehnovich spent 2 weeks in summer and 2 weeks in winter with their state of the art equipment studying and researching but could not come up with a plausible explanation of the claimed phenomenon.

    With the help of an interpreter they quizzed Badshah Khan, "How did you first notice that the earth rises 2 inches in the summer and sinks 2 inches in the winter."

    Badshah Khan replied, "When I sit down to pee in the winters, the earth is 2 inches below and not touching my balls but, in summers when I sit down to pee, my balls scrape the ground!!!"
  • Photocopying Private Parts

    At one ad agency, a guy in production was fired when they discovered he was The Xerox Flasher. Every morning, he Xeroxed his privates, made copies & left them in the secretaries' desks.

    The boss said "Hell, he's the only person in the building who isn't guilty of false advertising!"

    His secretary said, "Well, not exactly."

    He said, "Oh God! Don't tell me!"

    She said, "Yes, sir. He was using the enlarger."
  • Confession and Forgiveness

    In my parish our priest died so, a week or two later a very young, new priest came to stand in for a while. As he didn't quite know what he was doing he had to have instruction books on everything - mass, communion, weddings, baptisms... etc. He was doing OK with his instruction books and soon it came time for confession.

    The first person to come in was a woman. She sat down and said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned I committed adultery."

    So the priest looks adultery up in his instruction books and says, "Say 5 Hail Mary's and you shall be forgive."

    The second person to come in is a man. He says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, I have stolen."

    So the priest looked up stealing in his book and says, "Say 10 Hail Mary's and you shall be forgiven."

    The third person to come in is a woman. She says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, I have given a man a blowjob."

    The priest looks up blowjob in his book but can't find it, so, he sticks his head out of the confession box and asks Jim the choirboy, "What did the last priest give for a blowjob?"

    John replies, "A coke and a Mars bar, Father."