|To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself.|
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool of trade".
Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he decided to put some lotion on it and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up.
After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk.
Baffled the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those things!"
|One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife.|
"How lovely, Dear," she said. "What's the occasion?"
"I want to make love to you," he said simply.
"Not tonight, Dear. I have a headache," answered his wife.
The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her.
"I'm awfully tired, Honey," said his wife. "Not tonight."
Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no.
Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife.
"How adorable, Jerry!" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?"
The husband replied, "These are six little pallbearers for your dead Pussy.
|Dad came home one day in an exceptionally hot mood and took his wife upstairs for some fun.|
Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.
"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"
"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.
"No, no," the father reassured. "I'm not hurting her. We are making babies."
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying.
"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.
"It's those babies you were making with Mommy yesterday," the boy answered.
"The mailman is upstairs eating them!"
|One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."|
So the guy says, "Well, give me some examples."
The girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. Then she said, "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole than that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then she said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
He then proceeded to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."