• Little Johnny's Big Answer

    The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

    Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

    The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating'."

    Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

    The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."

    Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

    Little Johnny said, "My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!"

    The teacher sat down and cried.....
  • The Hungover Lineman

    The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good. He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them.

    He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them.

    As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy who was standing there said, `My daddy is a lineman, too, and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them."

    The lineman tied to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly.

    About this time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.

    So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was still standing there. He said, "My daddy is a lineman, too, and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn't have to climb down."

    This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the bushes to take a leak.

    As he was relieving himself he saw the little boy watching him through the bushes.

    He'd had it with this kid so he says to him, "I'll bet your dad doesn't have two of these, does he?"

    The boy replied, "No, but his would make two of yours."
  • Alcohol and Sex

    Joe went to a party the other night and was having a real blast. After he'd been there a few hours, and more than just several drinks, he noticed this fabulous blonde standing over to the side. She was in her early to mid twenties with beautiful long blonde hair down to her waist. She was built like a brick, well, anyway she was built!

    The amazing thing was, she kept staring at him and smiling. Naturally, being a man, he decided to go try his luck. Like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    He went over and struck up a conversation with her (don't remember about what, but it had to be very interesting).

    Well, one thing led to another and she invited him back to her place and being the gentleman he was, he said, "OK."

    He would not go into all the details of the night, mainly because he didn't remember, but he awoke the next morning to the aroma of fresh coffee and bacon frying.

    He thought now this is great! He thought he might have a keeper here.

    He got up and got dressed and headed for the kitchen. When he got there, her mom, looked to be in her 70's or 80's was standing at the stove.

    Embarrassed, he stammered, "Where's your daughter?"

    She slowly turned around with a sly little smile on her face and said, "I don't have a daughter, stud."
    Bar
  • Gay Buffet

    Once upon a time there was a 90-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick.

    Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being. But, the guys didn't care because they knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money.

    The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said.

    All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said, "Mmmmmm! A buffet?!"