|During an international gynecology conference, an English doctor and a French doctor were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.|
"Only last week," the Frenchman said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"
"Don't be absurd," the Brit exclaimed. "It couldn't have been that big -- she wouldn't have been able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied the Frenchman. "I was talking about the flavor!"
|Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking.|
"One thing to keep in mind is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing."
"What do you mean, Uncle Greg?"
"Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, 'Are you done yet?'
"On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, 'Are you done already?'"
"What do other women say?"
"Well, a schoolteacher will say, 'We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!'
"A nurse will say, 'This won't hurt one bit.'"
"I thought they said, 'Pull down your pants and bend over.'"
"That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will say, 'Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.'
"A stewardess will say, Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.'"
"And what does Aunty Keli say?"
"She says, 'Beige ... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige.'"
|Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man.|
He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!"
In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
"What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives." Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap.
Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn't changed.
"Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said.
The owl said, "Whoooo? Whooooo?"
"Not you; you oversexed bimbo!"
|The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials. Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"|
Raising his hand, little Timmy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could by a Porsche."
Next, little Lois raised her hand and said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a Corvette."
"Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny, what would you want?"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon."
"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Heck, my Aunt as two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the sports cars outside our house!" he replied.