• Face the Music

    A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.

    "George!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

    "Well," George replies. "I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra."

    "Spectacular!" the man replies.

    "It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the Queen of England, she loves the music. She says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the Tuba with gold and they fill the Saxophone with gold, and me with the bloody Clarinet....nothing."

    "We play for the King of Spain. He loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the Tuba with silver and they fill the Sax with silver, and me with the bloody Clarinet.... nothing."

    "Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music. He says 'Shove the instruments up their backsides!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the Sax doesn't fit. And me with the bloody Clarinet.... ouch!!!!"
  • Fond Of Animals

    "I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.

    "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very attached to."

    "But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm... 'physically' attracted to my horse."

    "Hmmmmmm," the doctor said, "Is it male or female?"

    "Female, of course!" the man snapped. "What do you think I'm... gay???"
  • My Hubbby is Like a Rabbit

    A guy gets married and for the first year he never leaves his wife alone. Every day, morning noon and night, he is at it His wife is a little pissed off about this so she goes to her mother and says, "Mom, he won't leave me alone, every day, 4-5 times a day, he's like a rabbit."

    Her mother tells her to go to the fishmongers and get a fish and put it up her pussy.

    That night the husband comes home and drags her upstairs, rips of her clothes and proceeds to make love to her. On entry he screams and pulls out. He is bleeding and covered in scratches, so for the next year he does not even look at his wife.

    She, beginning to feel a little randy after this long lay off, again approaches her mother and asks for advice. Her mother tells her to wait until he is in bed and then show him what he is missing.

    That night he is lying in bed and she strips and climbs onto the bed. She then steps over him, but just as her ass is passing his face, she farts.

    The guy looks up and says, "Bark you bitch, but you won't bite me again!"
  • Leave Me Alone

    One day a young prince from a nearby kingdom came by for a visit. That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the prince snuck out of his room and entered the princess' room.

    She said, "What are you doing in my room? Leave immediately or I will call my father!"

    The Prince said, "Don't be frightened. I am not going to hurt you. You are so beautiful. I just want to kiss you and hold you."

    He kissed her lips and here and there and everywhere. Soon he had gone where no man had gone before. They were enthusiastically doing the nasty.

    After he finished, he rolled over and relaxed.

    She said, "Wow! That was fun. Let's do it again."

    He climbed back in the saddle for seconds. Then again rolled over and relaxed.

    She said, "That was so good. We have to do it again."

    He wasn't very enthusiastic, but he just managed to rise again to the occasion. He then rolled over and again tried to relax.

    She said, "Come on, let's do it again."

    The prince said, "Leave me alone or I will call your father."