• Kidnapped by An Alien

    Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed.

    "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.

    Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?"

    Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!"

    Bills says, "What did the alien do to you?"

    "I don't remember all the details," Ted says. "All I remember is being anally probed by the alien."

    Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"

    Ted responds, "My neighbour Carl."
  • Massage Pinis

    A man during his vacation to Thailand, ordered a massage session in his room. One for his wife and one for him.

    After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai girl said, "Massage pinis."

    He kept quiet.

    The Thai masseur again said, "Massage pinis."

    There was again silence....

    Finally his wife spoke, "Don't have high hopes, she's saying 'massage finish'"
  • Screwing A Cop!

    This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car.

    A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf.

    The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.

    The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf.

    The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.

    The guy said, 'I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never screwed a cop before!"
  • Cock-eyed Blonde

    A young woman visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.

    Doctor, "Can you read the bottom line?"

    Girl, "No."

    "Can you read the center line?"

    "No."

    "Can you read the large top line?"

    "No. "

    "Can you even see the chart?"

    "No."

    The doctor is clearly frustrated and whips his penis out of his pants. "Can you see this?"

    "Of course!"

    "Well, there's your problem - you're cock-eyed!"