|A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only had 24 hours to live.|
"Of course Darling," she replied.
And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and says, "You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?"
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"
She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, "You know, you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!"
|Paddy decided to go rabbit hunting, but when he got to his favorite field, he saw the village priest was already there.|
Paddy watched with fascination as the priest held his finger over the rabbit hole, and immediately a rabbit popped out. The priest grabbed it and put it into a sack.
He repeated this unusual but very successful technique until his sack was full of rabbits.
Paddy stopped the priest and asked him how he did it.
"Easy," said the priest. "Stick your finger in your wife's pussy and wiggle it around a bit. When you hold your finger over a rabbit hole, they can't resist the smell. When they pop their heads out, you grab them."
Paddy rushed home to find his wife bent over scrubbing the floor. He lifted up her skirt and applied his finger as directed.
Without looking up, Paddy's wife giggled, "Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?"
|This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store".|
He hasn't been "getting any" from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating.
He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life.
Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes.
He asks her, "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of a sudden you come in and blow me. What happened?!"
To which his wife replied, "I just washed the floor this morning. I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."
|A stripper in a hurry to get home leaves the club with nothing on but a loose coat. As she crosses the street a drunk driver skids around the corner and hits her. She goes flying into the air, and lands unconscious on her back with her charms exposed to the world.|
As a crowd gathers, a gentleman places his hat upon the stripper's crotch in order to minimize her exposure. In the meantime the drunk driver hardly aware he just hit someone, staggers over to see what all the fuss is about.
Noticing the near naked woman lying exposed on the street, he points to the strategically placed hat and slurs in a loud voice, "Well, the firthst ting we gotta do is get dat guy outta there!"