• Making Babies!!!

    Dad came home one day in an exceptionally hot mood and took his wife upstairs for some fun.

    Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.

    "What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"

    "You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.

    "No, no," the father reassured. "I'm not hurting her. We are making babies."

    This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.

    The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying.

    "What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.

    "It's those babies you were making with Mommy yesterday," the boy answered.

    "The mailman is upstairs eating them!"
  • Love To Lick

    One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

    So the guy says, "Well, give me some examples."

    The girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. Then she said, "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole than that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

    Then she said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

    He then proceeded to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
  • Peckers!

    A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

    The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

    The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

    The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

    Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

    After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
  • Annual Husband & Wife Golf Tournament

    A man and wife were playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife insisted.

    On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly.

    At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband, "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged three inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us."
    "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies.

    "Well," said the doctor, "We also found a golf ball lodged six inches into her anal cavity."

    The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was my second tee shot!"
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