• The Flash of Genius

    A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night.

    Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd hold a sign up saying: "$50 or I'll bite hard!".

    Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go. Well one day Bill broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding the sign: "$50 or I'll bite."

    Bill just smiled and said, "$100, after you swallow, or I'll piss!"
  • Cost of Infidelity

    Nina, Jill and Mary were duly impressed when Rosey arrived for their weekly bridge game, wearing a gorgeous new mink coat.

    "That's a lovely mink, Rosey," purred Nina "It must have cost you a fortune!"

    "But it didn't," said Rosey.

    "What do you mean it didn't," asked Mary.

    "Just a single piece of arse," replied Rosey. "You mean," continued Jill, "you got that just for having sex with your husband?"

    "No," smiled Rosey, "THE piece of arse he got from his new secretary."
  • Kidnapped by An Alien

    Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed.

    "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.

    Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?"

    Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!"

    Bills says, "What did the alien do to you?"

    "I don't remember all the details," Ted says. "All I remember is being anally probed by the alien."

    Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"

    Ted responds, "My neighbour Carl."
  • Massage Pinis

    A man during his vacation to Thailand, ordered a massage session in his room. One for his wife and one for him.

    After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai girl said, "Massage pinis."

    He kept quiet.

    The Thai masseur again said, "Massage pinis."

    There was again silence....

    Finally his wife spoke, "Don't have high hopes, she's saying 'massage finish'"