|Tom was in Las Vegas gambling and having a run of bad luck. He lost all his money and was now waiting for his bank to wire him some more. He was on his way up to his hotel room when he meets a beautiful hooker in the elevator. He is smitten with her and tells her that he wants to make love to her right now.|
The hooker says, "Honey, if you got the cash, we can make your wish come true."
Tom realizes he doesn't have any money on him yet and tells the hooker that he will have the money in about an hour or so.
The hooker says, "No money, no lovin'!"
Tom pleads with her but the hooker does not give in. She tells him that when he gets the money she will be more than happy to oblige him, but she actually does find Tom attractive so she reaches over to his pants, unzips his fly, takes his penis in her hand and then proceeds to write on it the following - Gloria 357-6262, when you have $$$.
Tom returns to his room and a couple of hours later, the money from his bank finally arrives. He immediately rushes to the phone to call his "dream woman". He unzips his pants so he can retrieve the number off his penis, but alas his erection was gone and in order to read the number he starts rubbing his penis frantically. At that very moment, the maid entered his room to clean and shrieked at this sight.
Tom says to the maid, "Don't worry, I'm just trying to make a phone call."
|Little Johnny was supposed to bring fifty cents to school for a workbook, so he went to ask his father for it.|
He found him in the bathroom, stark naked, and in the excitement he forgot all about the fifty cents and asked, "Daddy, What's that?"
His dad said, "That's what I call 'a shame'."
Next day at school, when the teacher asked for the fifty cents, Little Johnny said, "Daddy couldn't give me fifty cents because he wasn't wearing his pants."
The teacher replied, "Doesn't your father have any shame at all?"
Little Johnny, "Oh, yes, ma'am, he has one, but it's not as big as the one the principal gave you last Thursday."
|I was driving into the old historic section of town and found Tim, one of the bartenders at The River City Grill curled up on a curb alongside the road in tears.|
I stopped the car and hollered over to him, "Hey, Tim, what the hell happened to you?"
Wiping away his tears, he moaned, "Look at my new convertible!" He pointed to a crashed car down the street, wrapped around a tree trunk.
"Shit, man, don't cry. Get the insurance settlement and just buy another car," I level-headedly advised.
"Look inside the car," Tim moaned.
After looking, I continued to console him. "Awwww, dude, don't worry! You can always find another babe."
Tim looked at me and wailed agonizingly, "Look inside her mouth!"
|A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in the local 'Fun House'.|
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?"
The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the door gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!"