• New Year Party

    After the annual office New Year party, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

    After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

    "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

    "Oh, Even worse," she assured him, her voice laden with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself! You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company to his face."

    John looked up and replied, "He's a jerk! Piss on him!"

    "You did," Louise informed him. "And he immediately fired you."

    "Well screw him and his whole board of directors," growled John.

    Louise quickly remarked, "John, I'm really glad you feel that way... because I did! You're back to work on Monday."
  • The Agent

    The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred pounds a night.

    The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.

    She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred pounds that the other customers did.

    He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get my agent's ten percent as a deduction?"

    "No siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other clients."

    The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.

    That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night club. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.

    At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.

    "My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."

    "I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the darn door selling tickets."
  • Terrible Headaches

    Charlie and George were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older.

    Charlie said to George, "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."

    "What do you mean?" asked George.

    "Well," replied Charlie, "I can barely remember the last time I was able to perform in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"

    "Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.

    "Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches," he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."
  • Condom Saleswoman

    Lola, a saleswoman for a major condom company was required to travel cross-country to meet a prospective buyer.

    Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her.

    As she was running late for her flight, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase.

    The cab ride to the airport was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to throw her ticket at the counter and run onto the plane.

    As she jumped into the airplane, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and crew.

    They all stared amazed at the display and then looked at Lola, who said sheepishly, "I'm meeting a new client."