• The Prostate Exam

    Larry went to his urologist for his exam but was surprised to learn his doctor had a new partner, a gorgeous female urologist. She explained that she was going to handle his prostate exam.

    "Larry, please lie on your right side, bend your knees, take a deep breath and say 'one hundred.'"

    Larry did so.

    Then she said, "Okay, now roll over onto your left side, bend your knees, take a deep breath and say 'one hundred.'"

    Again, Larry did so.

    Then she said, "Very good. Now lie on your back with your knees slightly elevated. I will check your prostate with one hand I hold your penis with my other hand. Good. Now take a deep breath and say 'one hundred.'"

    Larry said, "One... two... three..."
  • Peacock Tears!

    What did the croc say to the peacock?
    Learn to fake it like me, da.

    Judge: How did you get pregnant, madam?
    Girl: He shed crocodile tears, my lord. I found out later that they were peacock tears.

    Secret ingredient of Spy 303 (Bandook ke peeche kya hai?) capsules revealed:
    Peacock tears.
    Their new baseline: Yeh Dil Maange Mor!

    Do you know why peacocks go on blinking and never stare at a comp for too long?
    Because they are petrified of dry eye.

    Where does a peacock go when it has fertility issues?
    Sankara Netralaya.

    Old peacock saying:
    An eye for an eye will make the whole world impotent.

    What is the difference between man and peacock?
    Man has eyeball. Peacock has balleye.

    What happened to the sex crazy peacock?
    It went blind.

    What do gay peacocks do?
    They go eyeball to eyeball (or balleye to balleye).

    How does a peacock sext?
    It sends teary-face emojis.

    What is proper peacock funeral etiquette?
    All of them laugh continuously. But gently. You don't want tears.

    How do you know a peacock has had sex?
    It will have under-eye bags.

    What do you call a peacock that can cry four-five times a day?

    What contraceptives do peacocks use?

    What would Sachin do if he was a peacock?
    He'd constantly adjust his spectacles.

    What do you call a one-eyed peacock?

    What do peacocks carry with them to an orgy?
  • Overcharge!

    Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could happen pretty easily, since he had been desperate for quite a while.

    Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of her night table, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him.

    "Awww, honey, you're so depressed. Here, take this & go to the woman next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight. Remember now, this happens only this once. OK ?"

    The husband can't believe his ears, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife & says dejectedly, "Crystal says this is not enough, she wants eighty."

    The wife's face slowly turns red with anger, "Why that damn bitch. When she was pregnant & her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty."

    Men who can answer 'Yes' to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage:

    In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as 'that secure thing?'

    Does she use the phrase 'you know' more than twice per sentence?

    Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon?

    Have you noticed her name tattooed on three or more local bikers?

    Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on her?

    Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?

    Does she have a wholesale source for deodorants?

    If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?