• Same Position

    A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along. She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried.

    She asks, "What if the baby starts coming, and I can't get to the hospital in time?"

    The doctor replies, "Well, women have been having babies for a million years without a doctor in attendance. It's a very natural process. The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant."

    The blonde interrupts with, "Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?"
  • Body Search

    The voluptuous blonde was walking down a dimly lit street when a man jumped out of the bushes.

    "Give me your money," he demanded.

    "I d-don't have any," she managed to reply.

    "Give me your money or I'll search you!" he threatened.

    She repeated that she didn't have any, then gasped as he made a tentative search.

    "You'd better give me your money now," he said menacingly, "or I'm going to rally search you!"

    "But I don't have any!" she protested, almost in tears.

    So he really searched her. "I guess you were on the level," he finally muttered angrily.

    "You don't have any money on you."

    "For heaven's sake," she wailed, "don't stop now. I'll write you a check."
  • Plastic Surgery

    Bambi the blonde celebrated her 40th birthday with a makeover. She went to the best plastic surgeon in town and got a boob lift, a tummy tuck, butt implants, botox, collagen... the works. Ten weeks and thousands of dollars later, she was a new woman -- literally.

    Her personal physician then performed her annual physical, noted the new "body work." When the exam was finished, he called her in.

    "Bambi, your overall health is good, but I want to discuss a problem that often affects women your age, osteoporosis."

    Bambi looked puzzled.

    "Osteo--what?"

    "Bone loss. Many women start to experience it in their 40s."

    Bambi giggled, blushed and said, "Oh, really, Doc. You've seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and this face, I get new bones quite often!"
  • Run Over Blonde

    A woman is lying in the road after being run over.

    The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid.

    "Are you all right?" he asks.

    "You're just a blur," she says, "so my sight is clearly affected."

    Concerned, the driver leans over the woman in order to test her eyesight.

    "How many fingers have I got up?" he asks her.

    "Oh shit!" she replies, "I must be paralyzed from the waist down as well."
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT