• Plastic Surgery

    Bambi the blonde celebrated her 40th birthday with a makeover. She went to the best plastic surgeon in town and got a boob lift, a tummy tuck, butt implants, botox, collagen... the works. Ten weeks and thousands of dollars later, she was a new woman -- literally.

    Her personal physician then performed her annual physical, noted the new "body work." When the exam was finished, he called her in.

    "Bambi, your overall health is good, but I want to discuss a problem that often affects women your age, osteoporosis."

    Bambi looked puzzled.

    "Osteo--what?"

    "Bone loss. Many women start to experience it in their 40s."

    Bambi giggled, blushed and said, "Oh, really, Doc. You've seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and this face, I get new bones quite often!"
  • Run Over Blonde

    A woman is lying in the road after being run over.

    The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid.

    "Are you all right?" he asks.

    "You're just a blur," she says, "so my sight is clearly affected."

    Concerned, the driver leans over the woman in order to test her eyesight.

    "How many fingers have I got up?" he asks her.

    "Oh shit!" she replies, "I must be paralyzed from the waist down as well."
  • Flower Vase

    A very large blonde woman and a very large brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop....

    "Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers."

    The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?"

    The brunette replies, "Because now he'll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air."

    "Why?" asked the blonde, "Don't you have a vase?"
  • For Lonely Nights

    A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sexy very blonde wife alone. The night before he left, he brought home a vibrator and gave it to her.

    "What's this for?" she asked.

    "It's for those lonely nights when you miss me," explained her husband, winking. "Just think of it as something to take my place when you get horny."

    A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the vibrator in the garbage.

    "Honey," he says, "why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I'm gone."

    "I did," she said. "But the damned thing rattled all my fillings loose."
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