|While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.|
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
"Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
Thank God!` the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"
|The nurse approached him, smiling. "The labor is going great," she said. "Wouldn't you like to come in?"|
"Oh, no," the man shook his head.
The nurse returned to the mother's side, and the labor progressed smoothly.
As the birth neared, the nurse returned to the man, now pacing frantically in the hall.
"She's doing so well," she assured him. "Wouldn't you like to at least come in and see her?"
The man seemed to hesitate slightly, then shook his head again, "No, no, I couldn't do that."
He jingled car keys in his sweaty palm and resumed his pacing.
The nurse went back into the room and coached Mom's valiant efforts in pushing the baby into the world.
As the baby's head began to exit the birth canal, the nurse raced to the hall, grabbed the man by his elbow, and dragged him to the bedside saying, "You have got to see this!"
At that very moment, the baby boy was born and placed on the tummy of the mother whose radiant smile shone through her tears.
The man began to cry openly. Turning to the nurse, he sobbed, "You were right! This is the greatest moment in my life!"
By now, the nurse, too, was tearful. She put her arm around him, and he rested his head on her shoulder. She soothed, "No one should miss the birth of their son."
"This isn't my son," the man blubbered. "This isn't even my wife. I've never seen her before in my life. I was just bringing the car keys to my buddy across the hall!"
|A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.|
The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied, "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied, "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
|She was beautiful, blonde and buxom - a perfect specimen of womanhood - with a small baby in her arms. He was in his first day in private practice, eager to show he knew all about everything.|
"What's seems to be the problem?", he asked in his best medical manner.
"It's the baby", she said, "He seems under-nourished."
Earnestly the doctor carried out an extensive examination of the baby and then asked, "Is he breast-fed?" "Yes doctor, he is", she replied.
"Will you strip off to the waist now, please?" the doctor said.
The young woman looked at the doctor somewhat anxiously, and began to protest. "But doctor... "
The doctor simply brushed her protestations aside by saying, "it is better to look at everything... so if you wouldn't mind?"
Blushing with embarrassment, she took off her blouse and bra, revealing a perfect pair of large, firm breasts. The young doctor professionally weighed each one in his hands, stroked them forward and back, and then gently flicked each nipple in turn for a few moments, finally lightly squeezing them between his fingers and thumb.
Ah!", he said, as his face broke into a knowing smile. "That's the problem, you do not have one little bit of milk!"
"Oh doctor, that's not the problem", she replied, "I'm just the baby-sitter - but it sure has been a REAL pleasure meeting you!"