• Contagious!

    A woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard."

    Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?"

    "Yes," quite innocently came her reply.

    "Undress so I can check," replied the still amazed doc. So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, "Well madame, I don't know what you have, but it's sure as hell contagious!"
  • Sexual Disorder Clinic

    There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic.

    The chief resident is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees as patient masturbating in his room.

    "What condition does he have?" the student asks.

    "He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder", the resident replies. "If he doesn't ejaculate 40-50 times a day, he'll become disoriented."

    As the two continue their rounds, the student peeks into another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.

    "What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"

    "Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."
  • Keep Off The Grass

    A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.

    It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."

    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
  • Smallest Penis!

    Joining a new company, Dave had to take a physical with the company doctor.

    All the tests came out fine but, after a brief hesitation, the doctor noted that Dave had the smallest penis he'd ever seen. "Tell me," he said, "Do you have any difficulties with it being so small?"

    "No," Dave said. "I've got a great wife, three kids, and a normal sex life. I guess the only problem I ever have is finding it when I need to urinate."

    "And yet you still have a normal sex life?"

    "That's not a problem," Dave said, "because there's TWO of us looking for it then."