• Nudist Colony

    Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

    So Farmer John called the local police station to complain, `You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,` he said to the local police officer.

    "What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.

    "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

    So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING

    Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've still got to do something about these drivers. The 'School Crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!"

    So again, they put up a new sign: 'SLOW - CHILDREN AT PLAY.'

    That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said, "Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

    In order to get Farmer John off his back said, "Sure. Put up your own sign."

    The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, "How's the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?"

    "Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed."

    The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go out and take a look at the sign.

    He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down.

    So he drove out to Farmer John's house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign -

    'NUDIST COLONY' 'Slow down and watch out for chicks!'
  • Blind Date

    Nina and Rosey meet for lunch and Nina seems a little depressed.

    "What's wrong Nina?" asks Rosey.

    Nina replies, "Well, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date and I told her the criteria I was looking for in a man."

    "Yeah, so, whats the problem?" asks Rosey.

    "Well," Nina said, "My friend must have misunderstood me, cause the guy that showed up was as smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!"
  • Pre-Paid Plan

    A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

    She runs out of the room, of course with his $200 still in her hand.

    He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

    By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

    The fireman says, "No!"
    The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."
  • GST on PENIS

    The Govt is to announce that the GST would definitely apply to the Penis because it provides a Service. The way the tax will apply was difficult to decide. This was due to the fact that -
    90 percent of the time it is hanging around unemployed,

    5 percent of the time it is hard up,
    4 percent of the time it is pissed off.
    1 percent of the time only it is in active service.
    On top of that it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

    Effective from 1st Dec, 2020, Penis will be taxed according to its size -
    10"-12" Super Luxury Tax,
    8"-10" Luxury Tax,
    5"-. 8" Privilege Tax,
    4"-. 5" Basic Tax.
    Males exceeding 12" must also file under Capital Gains Tax.

    Anyone under 4" is eligible for Exemption under Handicapped catagory.

    The Penis Taxpayers Association is still awaiting clarification on a number of questions raised on this new tax including:
    Will there be rebates for early withdrawal ?
    What if one's penis is self employed ?
    Do multiple partners count as Corporation ?
    Are condoms deductible as expenses ?

    For more, call your CAs.