• A Real Bad Day

    A lonely young guy driving cross-country picked up a stunning female hitchhiker.

    Out in the middle of the desert, she started coming on to him. When she offered him some oral pleasure, he pulled over to the side of the road.

    But once his pants were around his ankles, she pulled out a gun, bound his wrists to his ankles, robbed him of his wallet and clothes, and drove off in his car.

    After hopping beside the road for miles, a trucker happened along and stopped. "What happened?" asked the trucker and the man explained his plight.

    The trucker got out of his rig, unzipped his pants, and said, "This just ain't your day, is it, boy?!"
  • Pakistan Book Store

    So, I was walking through the mall and I saw there was a "Pakistan Book Store." I was wondering what exactly was in a Pakistani book store so I went in.

    As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.

    I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on the U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Pakistanis?"

    The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out, and stay out."

    I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"
  • Married Couples at The Pearly Gates

    St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven.

    He replies, "I've been a pious Jew all my life, attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for Jewish causes."

    "And what is your wife's name?" asks St. Peter.

    "Penny," the man replies.

    "Penny?!" shouts St. Peter. "You Jews are all alike. Money, money, money. You even married a woman whose name has to do with money! Get out of my sight! You are damned to Hell!"

    Then St. Peter asks the Irishman why he deserves to be in Heaven.

    "I've been a devout Catholic all my life, attended church every Sunday, given generously to the church, and always took wafers and wine at communion." "And what's your wife's name?"

    "Brandy."

    "Brandy?!! You Irish are all alike. Drink, drink, drink. You even married a woman whose name is a type of alcohol. Get out of my sight! You are damned to Hell!"

    With that, the Greek man turns to his wife and says, "Come on, Fanny, let's get out of here."
  • Italian Nuns

    Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

    At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

    He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

    The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren.." and *poof* she's gone.

    The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

    The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini..."

    St. Peter looks perplexed, "Who?"

    "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

    St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

    The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.

    "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."