• A Hole in One

    Three men went out on Sunday to play some golf.

    On the fourth hole, Fred chipped a shot into the rough. "You all play on ahead," he insisted. "I'll catch up with you."

    Off they went, but after half an hour had gone by with no sign of their friend, Charlie said, "I'll go check on him."

    The last guy played on for a while, but couldn't help wondering what on earth had happened to his companions. So, he too, finally turned back to check matters out. An astonishing sight greeted him when he returned to the fourth hole: poor Fred was bent over the backseat of his golf cart, with his buddy energetically screwing him up the arse.

    "Charlie, Charlie, what the hell are you doing!" he yelled, breaking into a run.

    "It was horrible," gasped a red-faced Charlie. "When I got here, Fred had a massive heart attack."

    "You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation" ," cried the third guy, "and a heart massage, you idiot."

    "I know that," retorted Charlie indignantly. "How do you think this whole sex thing got started? He has such a lovely lips and chest. That and I misheard him after he came round when he said something about he wanted a hole in one!"
  • The Golf Hunter

    The mistress of an English manor had just hired a new house maid, an Irish lass, straight out of the country.

    The first day she was dusting in the Smoking room where the Master of the house sat reading. On the mantel, she saw and dusted a small bowl containing a couple of small round white balls. She, being curious and not bashful, asked, "What are these?"

    He looked up, saw where she was pointing, and answered, "Golf balls."

    She said, "OH!", and went on dusting.

    A few days later, she was dusting again in the same room, where the master was again reading. Again, in the same bowl were small white balls, only now there were four.

    She said, "I see you shot another Golf."
  • Hardest Putt Ever!

    An older couple are playing in the annual club championship.

    They are playing in a play off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make.

    She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match.

    On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, "I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my 'you know what'."

    The wife just looked over at her husband, smiled and said, "Yes dear, but it was much harder!"
  • Golf Course or Intercourse?

    Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf.

    One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

    His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority - figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

    Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

    The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off of."

    The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

    The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

    They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

    "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the bum and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning - golf course or intercourse?' She said, 'Don't forget your hat.'"
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