• You've Got Some Nerve!

    One day while Little Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that?"

    "Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be like this one of these days," replies Johnny's dad.

    Anyway the next day while in school Little Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."

    "No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.

    Not able to hold it in Little Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.

    Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can with his back to the class, the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"

    Little Johnny says, "That's nothing you should see my fathers."
  • Go Forth and Multiply

    Mrs. Johnson, the elementary school math teacher, was having children do problems on the blackboard that day.

    "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?" she asked. No one raised their hand.

    She called on Tommy, and with some help he finally got it right.

    "Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?"

    Students hid their faces.

    She called on Mark, who got the problem but there was some suspicion his girlfriend, Lisa, whispered it to him.

    "Who would like to do the third problem, division?"

    Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone looked at nothing in particular.

    The teacher called on Suzy, who got it right.

    "Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?"

    Johnny's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room.

    Mrs. Johnson finally gained her composure in the stunned silence, "Why the enthusiasm, Johnny?"

    "The Bible says to go fourth and multiply, and I wanna multiply with YOU!!!"
  • Vacation Stories

    The new school year started and the grade school teacher wanted some students to tell a brief story about summer vacation. Several students eagerly raised their hands including Little Johnny. The teacher asked Alice to tell a story.

    "We took a trip to the Grand Canyon during vacation" Alice said. "We rode donkeys down a steep trail to the bottom of the canyon, it was fun."

    The teacher asked for another volunteer and several students eagerly raised their hands including Little Johnny. She was afraid to call on Little Johnny because he swore a lot last year. The teacher chose Fred to tell a story.

    "My Dad and I went on a fishing trip way out in the country. We stopped at a small pond; I cast my lure into the pond and caught the biggest trout we'd ever seen! We started a campfire and cooked the trout, it was great!" Fred reported.

    "That nice Fred, now how about another volunteer."

    Several students were waving their hands. The teacher felt sorry for Little Johnny and decided to give him another chance.

    "My Dad and I went on a deer hunting trip. We saw a huge 18 point buck in the field, my Dad aimed and shot it right in the asshole," Little Johnny said.

    The teacher was angry, "Johnny you mean rectum." she said.

    "Wrecked'im? You bet it wrecked'im, shot his balls clean off." answered Little Johnny.
  • Piece of Cake

    Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."

    Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

    Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

    Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to be real nice and spend a couple of hours playing first!"
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