• Financial Crunch

    For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

    His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $1,80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

    The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

    Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $1,80,000 mortgage.
  • Dads Fault

    "Late again?" Miss Crabtree scolded Little Johnny.

    "It ain't my fault," said Little Johnny. "This is my Daddy's fault. Im three hours late cause Daddy sleeps naked!"

    Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for over thirty years but had never heard that one before.

    "Exactly what does that mean, Johnny?"

    "Well, Miss Crabtree, a coyote's been hangin' round the ranch lately. He's killed six hens and Ma's best goat. So last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and told Ma, 'That coyote's back again. I'm a'gonna git 'im!'"

    He told us kids to stay inside and he ran out naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt, no nuttin'!

    He crawled out to the hen house, stuck his shotgun through the window of the chicken coop. As he tried to see into the dark coop, our hound dog came sneakin' up behind him and stuck his cold nose right up Daddy's behind!

    Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!'"
  • No Sex for a Month

    Little Johnny was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started annoying him.

    He tried to stomp on them, but his father reprimanded him, saying, "Stop that, John! Now you'll get no honey for a month!"

    Later, Little Johnny caught some butterflies and started torturing them.

    His father yelled, "Stop that, John! Now you'll get no butter for a month!"

    That evening, as Little Johnny's mother prepared dinner, a cockroach scurried across the kitchen floor. She stomped it dead.

    Little Johnny looked at his father and asked, "You gonna tell her or should I?"
  • The Perfect Penis

    Little Johnny and Mary were playing in the backyard when Mary asked, "Johnny, what's a penis?"

    "I don't know," replied Little Johnny, "but I'll ask my dad. He knows everything."

    Little Johnny found his father in the bathroom and asked his question.

    "Well, son, it's hard to explain. Why don't I just show you?"

    He pulled down his pants and displayed his member, "Johnny, that's a penis. In fact, that's a perfect penis."

    Little Johnny thanked his dad and returned to the backyard.

    "Well," asked Mary, "did your daddy know?"

    "Yes," replied Little Johnny, "But it's hard to explain. Why don't I just show you?"

    He led Mary into the garage, dropped his shorts and said, "Mary, this is a penis... and if it was three inches shorter, it would be a perfect penis!"