• Go Forth and Multiply

    Mrs. Johnson, the Christian school math teacher, was having children do problems on the blackboard. She was constantly trying to incorporate Christian themes in the classroom, but was having trouble making it work for math until she got some unexpected help from a student.

    "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?"

    No one raised their hand. She called on Tommy, and with some help he finally got it right.

    "Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?"

    Students hid their faces. She called on Mark, who got the problem but there was some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him.

    "Who would like to do the third problem, division?"

    Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone looked at nothing in particular. The teacher called on Suzy, who got it right.

    "Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?"

    Little Johnny's hand enthusiastically shot up. It surprised everyone in the room because he had previously been avoiding participation. The teacher finally gained her composure in the stunned silence, "Why the enthusiasm ?"

    Little Johnny said, "The Bible says to go forth and multiply and I like that multiplying!"
  • Death Erection

    Little Johnny and his friend Billy were playing in a lane, and found a donkey that had died with a hard on. Being mischievous, Little Johnny cut off the donkey's dick and began brandishing it in the air.

    Just then a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane. Little Johnny didn't want to be caught with it, so he tossed it over the wall of the Nunnery.

    Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes.

    "Oh sweet Jesus," says Sister Agnes.

    "What's wrong?" asks Sister Mary. "You've gone as white as a sheet."

    "It's those dirty protestant bastards," Sister Agnes replies. "They have murdered Father O'Toole!"
  • Mommy's Black Sponge

    Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

    He asks her what it is and she embarrassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

    A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

    She replies, "I lost it, honey."
    v A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!"

    Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"
    Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"
  • Mouse in My Pants!!!

    Every day Little Johnny went to the park and sat on the park bench to watch the squirrels climb the tree. One day while Little Johnny was sitting on the park bench, Susie walked by and unzipped Little Johnny's fly.

    He went home and told his mother about it and she said, "Tell the little girl not to do that again because you have a mouse in your pants."

    The following day Little Johnny was sitting there and Susie did the same thing again.

    As his mother told him, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Don't do that because I have a mouse in my pants."

    At that remark, Susie lifted her skirt and said, "Go get it, Pussy!"