|A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags.|
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $200 to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.
"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $400 a year in Las Vegas!"
|Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking.|
"One thing to keep in mind is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing."
"What do you mean, Uncle Greg?"
"Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, 'Are you done yet?'
"On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, 'Are you done already?'"
"What do other women say?"
"Well, a schoolteacher will say, 'We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!'
"A nurse will say, 'This won't hurt one bit.'"
"I thought they said, 'Pull down your pants and bend over.'"
"That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will say, 'Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.'
"A stewardess will say, Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.'"
"And what does Aunty Keli say?"
"She says, 'Beige ... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige.'"
|A small boy was awaken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents room, so he decided to investigate. As he entered the parents bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth.|
"Dad!" he shouted, "What are you doing?"
"It's okay," replied his father. "You're mother want's a baby, that's all."
The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.
Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother sucking furiously on his fathers penis.
"Dad!" he shouted, "What are you doing now?"
"Son, there's been a change in plans," his dad replied. "Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a new watch."
|Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.|
"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."
"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce." he replied.