• Alzheimer's Strikes Again!

    Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by.

    And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

    The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."

    One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age..."

    Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

    Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

    Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

    Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison..."We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
  • Most Careless!

    A Bihari, a Bengali and our Santa were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.

    The Bihari guy said, "I'm the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace."

    "Wow that is careless." Said the Bengali guy, "Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I've fractured my shoulder."

    "That is careless." Said Santa, "Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamppost and broke both of my legs."

    "That is careless." Said the Bihari guy, "But what happened to your car?"

    "Car!!! What car?" Replied Santa, "I was walking."
  • Drunk Driving!!!

    This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

    The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.

    With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.

    Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.

    The Englishman answers with humour: No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side???
  • The 10 Best Caddy Replies

    Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.
    Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?

    Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
    Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.

    Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
    Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

    Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
    Caddy: Eventually.

    Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.
    Caddy: I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.

    Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction.
    Caddy: It's not a watch : it's a compass.

    Golfer: How do you like my game?
    Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.

    Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
    Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.

    Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
    Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.

    Best Caddy Comment
    Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
    Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.
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