• What's Starvation?

    Little Johnny's teacher was teaching the kids about starvation. Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.

    Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.

    The teacher said, "That's very good Sue. What is it?"

    Sue said, "That's a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that... represents starvation."

    Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle.

    The teacher said, "That's good Dan. What is it?"

    Dan said, "That's a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation."

    Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.

    The teacher said, "That's good Johnny. What is it?"

    Johnny said, "That's an a$$hole with cob webs........ If that isn't starvation, I don't know what is.
  • Not a Quitter!

    A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application.

    The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

    "I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job."

    "Yes," says the man.

    "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."

    "Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter."
  • An Important Call

    The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone.

    So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing.

    Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser.

    "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?"

    "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
  • Grandma's Cooking Secret

    A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish.

    Her mother thought for a while and then said, "I've always done it that way - that's how Grandma did it."

    Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her Grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.

    Grandma thought for a while and replied, "I don't know. My mother always did it that way."

    So the little girl and the Grandma went to visit Great Grandma to find ask if she knew the answer.

    Her Great Grandma thought for a while and said, "Because, in my day, we had only a small kitchen, and my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish."