• Cakes and Ale

    Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale.

    The following dialog ensued:
    Proctor: I beg your pardon?

    Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

    Proctor: Sorry, no.

    Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

    At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated):
    "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale."

    Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

    Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
  • How to Revive Her

    Wife was in the ICU.

    The husband was unable to control his tears.

    Doctor: We are trying our best but can't guarantee anything. Her body is not reacting. It seems she is in a coma.

    Husband: Doctor, please save her. She is just 30 years old and the family needs her.

    Suddenly something happened. Miraculously the ECG started beeping like crazy.

    A hand moved, her lips mumbled and she spoke, "Darling, I'm 29, not 30..."
  • Keep Harping On

    A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique.

    "The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!" he advised. "If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people's throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don't ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It's the only way to get results!"

    "Yes, sir!" the employee answered.

    "And now, what was it you came in to see me about?" the boss asked.

    The employee replied, "A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise!"
  • Give Clear Instructions

    A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric over sized gas-guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it.

    I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.

    She said 'Fine!' and hopped into her car and drove off.

    I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

    A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 50 mph, I suddenly realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions...