• Birmingham Arabs

    A young Arab boy asks his dad, "Wat are you wearing on your head?"

    The father said, "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."

    "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?" asked the boy.

    "Oh, my son!" exclaimed the father, "It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects my entire body."

    The son then asked, "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?"

    "These are 'babouches' my son," the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet."

    Son asks, "What is that black tent mom and sister are wearing ?"

    Father, "It's called a burkha, it helps the hot desert sand from hitting the face and body during a sandstorm."

    "So tell me then," added the boy.

    "Yes, my son..."

    "Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?"
  • Wall of Solid Gold

    A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil.

    The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas".

    The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, "Well boy, I'll tell ya what...you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it...I'll buy it."
  • How Tall are Penguins?

    Santa walks into a bar. He asks the barman, "How tall is a penguin?"

    The barman says about three feet.

    Santa, "Don't you get any penguins taller than that!"

    The barman says, "Maybe maximum four feet but no taller than that."

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    Santa, "Oh shit, in that case I just drove over a nun."
  • Farmer's Advice

    A Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

    The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

    The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."

    Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

    The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

    A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...

    "Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "