• Political Correctness

    What is meant by the modern term referred to as "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS"... The definition is found in 4 telegrams at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence, Missouri. The following are copies of four telegrams between President Harry Truman and General Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WWII Surrender Agreement in September 1945.

    The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war - not a word has been added or deleted!

    (1) Tokyo, Japan 0800-September 1,1945

    To: President Harry S Truman
    From: General D A MacArthur

    Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?

    (2) Washington, D C 1300-September 1, 1945

    To: D A MacArthur
    From: H S Truman

    Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

    (3) Tokyo, Japan 1630-September 1, 1945

    To: H S Truman
    From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz Wilco

    Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?

    (4) Washington, D C 2120-September 1, 1945
    To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
    From: H S Truman

    Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!

    Now, with special thanks to the Truman Museum and Harry himself, you and I finally have a full understanding of what 'POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' really means.
  • The Hiring Process

    Agency: Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?

    M.D: Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

    1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.

    2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.

    3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.

    4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.

    5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.

    6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.

    7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.

    8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.

    9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.

    10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.

    11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.

    And.......

    12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
  • It's a quiet night at a remote roadhouse hotel when a semi-trailer pulls in and the truckie stomps into the bar and demands a whiskey. He slams it down and immediately asks for another, which he also drains in one go. When he asks for a third the barman asks him what's got him so upset.

    The truckie swears and explains he's hit a pig on the highway and he's stuck in his bull-bar, and still alive!

    "Every time I get near the damn pig screams and tries to go for me, I can't get him out," he says.

    "Ahhh," says the barman, "No problems cobber, I've got your answer right here," and produces a .303 from under the bar. "Put one of those between his eyes and he'll drop right out," he explains.

    The truckie grabs the rifle and goes outside and a shot is heard. Back comes the truckie and demands yet another whiskey, and another after that.

    "What's the problem," asks the barman, "didn't it work?"

    "Oh, it worked just fine," replies the truckie, "the pig's out no worries... Now I can't get his bloody motorcycle out!"
  • Bud Light and Sweet Tea

    A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue.

    Doctor: What happened?

    Woman: Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up.

    Doctor: I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor.

    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

    Woman: Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!

    Doctor: You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT