• Lost In The Woods

    After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Santa and Banta are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next.

    "Hey, I have an idea," says Santa. "If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us."

    Banta agrees, so each of them fires their shots. An hour later, nobody has come to help, so they decide to fire three more shots. Another hour passes - still no one.

    "Okay lets try this one more time" says Santa.

    "Yaar Santa, this had better work," replies Banta. "These are our last arrows."
  • Jesus, Help Me!

    A group of nuns were travelling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and try to change it, but being rather unworldly, they don't really know how. Luckily, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted.

    As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack and he yelled, "Son-of-a-bitch"

    The eldest nun said to him, "That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use such language."

    "Sorry, Sister," he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost smashing his fingers. "Son-of- a-bitch," he yelled again.

    "Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't help us."

    "But I get so upset, and it just comes out."

    "Well," said the nun, "Say something else when you get upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me.'"

    So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. And again it slipped.

    He started to say, "Son.." but he corrected himself and said, "Sweet Jesus, help me."

    At that, the car miraculously rose into the air all by itself.

    The nuns looked at the car in wonder, exclaiming in unison, "Son-of-a-bitch!"
  • If Girls Are Pilot

    Girl : Hello Control Tower, This Is Flight 365, We Have a Problem.

    Control Tower: Kya Problm Hai Boliye?

    Girl: Kuch Nahi.

    Control Tower: Please, Apni Bataiye Problem.

    Girl: Nahi Rehne Dijiye.

    Control Tower: Pleassseeeee Bataiyye.

    Girl: Nothing... I am Fine, Aap Nahi Samajh Sakte.

    Control Tower: Arrey Boliye Mada, Kya Problem Hai.

    Girl: Bass Akela Rehne Do Mujhe.

    Control Tower: Arrey Diwaani Ladki, 200 Passengers Hai Uss Plane Mein.

    Girl: Haan Meri Toh Koi Parwa Hi Nai. Unn 200 Ki Hai Parwa Bas. Mujhe Nahi Ksrni Baat.
  • Dead Man In The Street

    The man was immaculately dressed. Fitted out more for the Ritz than the street.

    But in the street he lay dressed in black tail suit, patent leather shoes, top hat and bow tie, and very dead.

    "How did he get here?" asked Patrolman Muldoon.

    "He threw himself off the roof," said a bystander.

    "Does anyone know the man?" said Muldoon.

    "I do," said Barrie Quinn.

    "What religion is he?" asked the policeman. "Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim?'

    "None at all," said Quinn. "He's an atheist!'

    "What a shame,' said Muldoon. "All dressed up and nowhere to go!"
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