• Warning Whistle!

    Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park.

    They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile.

    Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby.

    Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose.

    Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them."

    To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!"
  • Too Late!

    Although I had never met him, I knew that my grandfather had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches.

    As a teen-ager leafing through old photographs with Grandma, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together.

    "Grandma," I asked, "how could you have fallen in love a man five inches shorter than you?"

    She turned to me. "Honey," she said, "we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late."
  • Drink From The River

    A Preacher said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

    "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

    And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

    "And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."

    Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

    The preacher sat down.

    The deacon then stood up and said, "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We Shall drink from That River'." THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH...!!!
  • How High Will They Go ?

    A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

    He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

    They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

    He was out again the next morning.

    A twenty-foot fence was put up.

    Again he go out.

    When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

    The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!"