• The Future Show

    Nawaz Sharif, just finished a speech at the UN, walks out into the lobby where he meets President Obama.

    They shake hands and walk together in the long corridor when suddenly Sharif says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

    President Obama says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will."

    Sharif whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Blacks, Chinese, Japanese and even Indians, but never any Pakistanis. So my son is very upset. He doesn't understand, nor do I, why there aren't any Pakistanis in the show."

    President Obama laughs, leans toward Sharif, and whispers in his ear, "That's because the show is all about the future!!!"
  • Make Me An Uncle!

    Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby.

    "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother.

    "And why not?" asks Stan.

    "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?"

    Stan says nothing.

    The brother grows impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

    Stan can't take it anymore.

    He gives his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asks his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?"

    "Yes," the brother replies. "It would be an honor."

    "Well, congratulations, you're holding him."
  • Good & Bad News

    An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

    Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

    Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

    Patient: OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???

    Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
  • Apology!

    The lady was embarrassed and apologetic to the priest after church service was over, "Reverend, I hope you didn't take it personally, when my husband bluntly walked out of the room during your sermon."

    "Yes, I did find it rather disrespectful to the Lord," the angry preacher cursed.

    "Father, I assure you It was not a reflection on your religious intelligence and abilities." The wife persisted, "You see John has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."