• What a Hoot!

    Each evening bird-lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation."

    Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next-door neighbor.

    "My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," she said.

    "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband.
  • Pissing and Moaning!

    An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called... and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

    The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found.....

    1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.

    2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

    3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.

    4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
    5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

    Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
  • Raffle Ticket

    I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticked for a brand new car.

    When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

    But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car.

    We all cried especially me... because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity... and my dad beat the crap out of me again
  • Dummy Partner

    Once Mrs. Aggarwal was being cross examined in Court by a lawyer.

    Mrs. Aggarwal had said that she was a partner in her husband's firm, but the lawyer of the opposite party was trying to prove that she was only a dummy partner (for reducing income tax).

    The lawyer kept asking her what exactly she did for the firm.

    At first she hee'd and hawed, but ultimately, when the lawyer kept repeating his question, she said in exasperation: Tum Itne Bewaqoof Vakeel Ho.... Itna Bhi Na Samajh Paye? Mera Kaam Hai Firm Ke Liye Partners Produce Karna.