• Cost of Anesthesia

    Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

    "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

    "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.

    "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."

    "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free... The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
  • Jack & Jill by Shashi Tharoor

    Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance.

    The purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.

    One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.



    -- Shashi Tharoor's version of the nursery rhyme: Jack and Jill went up the Hill ........
  • He Knows You

    A senior couple pulls up to a gas station:

    Attendant: How may I help you?

    Old Man: Please fill it up.

    Old Lady: What did he say?

    Old Man [yelling]: He asked what we wanted and I told him to fill it up.

    Attendant: So, where are you heading?

    Old Man: To Chicago to see our Grandchildren.

    Old Lady: What did he say?

    Old Man [yelling]: He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to see the Grand kids.

    Attendant: It sure is a nice day for a drive.

    Old Man: Yes, it's been quite pleasant.

    Old Lady: What did he say?

    Old Man: He said its good weather.

    Attendant: Where are you coming from?

    Old Man: We started our trip from Pittsburgh.

    Old Lady: What did he say?

    Old Man: He asked where we're from and I said Pittsburgh.

    Attendant: I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She talked a lot and was lousy in bed.

    Old lady: What did he say?

    Old Man: He says he knows you!
  • Anger Management!

    A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

    The doctor asks, "So what seems to be the problem?"

    The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason at all. It's starting to scare me."

    The Doctor tells her, "I think I have just the cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish, and swish, but don't swallow it until he leaves the room or decides to go to bed."

    Two weeks later, the woman returns, looking fresh and reborn. The woman says, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started to lose it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?!"

    The Doctor informs her, "The water itself does nothing. It's having to keep your mouth shut that does the trick."