• Anniversary Gift

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

    She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Sunday.
  • George And The Dragon

    A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: 'GEORGE AND THE DRAGON'.

    He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

    "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked.

    The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition, "No!" she said rather sternly.

    "Could I have a drink of water?"

    "No!" she said again.

    "Could I at least sleep in your stable then?"

    "NO!" By this time she was fairly shouting.

    The vagabond still continued, "Might I please...?"

    "What *now*?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

    "D'ye suppose," he asked... "I might have a word with George?"
  • Hard and Difficult Words

    WORDS DIFFICULT TO S​AY​ WHEN DRUNK
    1. Innovative
    2. Preliminary
    3. Proliferation
    4. Cinnamon

    WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
    1. Specificity
    2. Anti-constitutionalistically
    3. Passive-aggressive disorder
    4. Transubstantiate

    WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
    1. No thanks, I'm married.
    2. Nope, no more booze for me!
    3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.
    5. I'm not interested in fighting you.
    6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and would hate to look like a real Fool!
    7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

    WORDS DAMN EASY TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
    1. I love you.
    2. Will you marry me.
    3. Tu mera bhai hai, bhai.
    4. Kal se daru band.
    5. One for the road. Last peg.

    Words to say in the morning.
    1. I was a little high, but in my senses.
    2. I think it was nakli whisky.
    3. Someone spiked my drink.
    4. Snacks kam the, isiliye....
    Bar
  • Indians Are Unique

    We Indians Are Unique:

    1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.

    2. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.

    3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport/railway station) is an important family affair.

    4. We thrive on street food and we don't get sick.

    5. Every Indian mother has 2 careers - Working/Housewife + Match Making.

    6. Indian girls have 3 types of brothers. Real brother, Cousin brother, Rakhee brother.

    7. The bride must cry at her Vidai. She has no business looking happy.

    8. We go on cleaning sprees only when we have guests coming over.

    9. However old we are, our parents need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses. No exemption.

    10. When Indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12 Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!

    11. If we live in another city and don't call our Mom daily, she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.

    12. No other nationality can beat Indians in bargaining. "Chalo Bhaiya. Na Tera Na Mera. Itne Paise Theek Hain."

    13. No matter if we are Convent educated. When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, swear words in our mother tongue.

    14. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door. But the female runs for her dupatta.

    15. Why change the remote batteries when you can just slap the remote and make it work?

    16. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.

    Mindblastingly true!