• Hilarious Test Answers

    The following are all quotes collected from the science exams of elementary school students:

    Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

    Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

    Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

    When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

    Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

    The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

    The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

    Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

    Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

    A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

    Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

    We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

    To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

    I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
  • Gold Watch!

    A judge was instructing the jury that because a witness changed his statement after giving it to the police, he should not necessarily be regarded as untruthful.

    "For example," the judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was certain that I had my gold watch in my pocket, then I remembered that I had left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."

    When the judge arrived home that evening, his wife asked, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Don't you think sending three men to pick it up for you was a bit extreme?"

    "What?" exclaimed the judge. "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
    "I gave it to the first one," replied his wife, "after all, he knew exactly where it was."
  • In continuation of what Rishi Kapoor said...

    Dear Jovial John,
    Welcome Home !

    Get off at Indira Gandhi International airport. Tell the driver to take Mahatma Gandhi road and turn left on Nehru road.

    As you come to Jawahar Chowk, take a right from the signal at Indira Gandhi Pratishthan. The road will take you straight to Rajiv Gandhi Sabhagrih from where you can come to Moti Lal Nehru park...

    Exactly opposite that is the Kamla Nehru Kreeda Kendra, which is facing Sanjay Gandhi Memorial building.

    Just a little ahead you will find Vijaya Laxmi Pandit library. I am opposite that -in the Society named Indira Awaas.

    If you lose your way just ask the Congress Party office at the turning of Sanjay Gandhi Memorial and they will guide you to my building-Indira Awaas...!!
  • Cleaning Chickens

    Third grade teacher Miss Crabtree said to little Johnny, "You're late again, Johnny, for the third time this month."

    Little Johnny said, "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. The reason I'm three hours late is because my Daddy sleeps naked."

    Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some years. She asked little Johnny what he meant, despite her mounting fears. Little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

    Johnny said, "Miss Crabtree, we have a coyote that's been coming to our ranch. The past few nights it killed and ate three hens and it also killed Mom's best milk goat!"

    Little Johnny went on, "Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken coop, he grabbed his shotgun and told Mom that th\he coyote was back and he was going to get him! He told all us kids to stay back!"

    Johnny continued, "There he was, naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants and no shirt! He crawled right up to the chicken coop and stuck that double barrel right through the window."

    Little Johnny said, "As he stared into the dark coop with the coyote on his mind, our old hound dog, Buddy, snuck up behind Daddy. Then as we all looked on plumb helpless; old Buddy stuck his cold nose in Daddy's crack!

    "Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin` chickens since three o'clock this morning!"
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