|Alia Bhatt: Hey dad, what's the plan for weekend ?|
Mahesh Bhatt: Income Tax Returns.
Alia Bhatt: Hey, first Part Kab Release Hua Tha?
Mahesh Bhatt: Jaa Meri Maa, Tu Shooting Pe Jaa!!!
Alia was Participating 100 metres Race...
Referee said: 1, 2, 3, GO....
Everybody started running except Alia Bhatt.
Referee: Why are you not running...?
Alia Bhatt: My number is 4.
SBI Bank: Humara Bank Aapko bina Interest Ke Loan De raha Hai....
Alia Bhatt: Agar Dene Mein Interest hi Nahi Hai Toh Kyun De Rahe Ho? Nahi Chahiye....
Alia Bhatt: Let's go for movie .
Varun: Shit, I've got a doctor's appointment today.
Alia Bhatt: Just cancel it, tell him you're sick.
Alia reading newspaper.
News: Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump.
Alia comments: Idiot !!! Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!!
Deepika Padukone: I have more Fans than You.
Alia Bhatt: Big deal, I have AC at Home.
|By the time you read through this you will understand TANJOOBERRYMUTTS and then you will be ready to take on China! Believe me... you WILL understand!!! The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a Hotel guest & room-service in China...|
Room Service: Morrin. Roon sirbees.
Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
Room Service: Rye , Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?
Guest: Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs.
Room Service: Ow ulai den?
Room Service: Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?
Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please.
Room Service: Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?
Guest: Crisp will be fine.
Room Service: Hokay. An sahn toes?
Room Service: An toes. ulai sahn toes?
Guest: I.... Don't think so...
RoomService: No? Udo wan sahn toes???
Guest: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means.
RoomService: Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?
Guest: Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine... Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RoomService: We botter?
Guest: No, just put the botter on the side.
Guest: I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side.
Guest: Excuse me?
RoomService: Copy.. tea... meel?
Guest: Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything.
RoomService: One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy... Rye ??
Guest: Whatever you say.
Guest: You're welcome
Remember I did say By the time you read through this... ...YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'
And you do now, don't you!
|Did you hear that Google is now offering free email accounts that are 500 times bigger than Yahoo's or MSN's accounts?|
Yep, but there is a catch: Google plans on reading your mail and then delivering ads based upon the content of the email.
So if your wife sends you a note saying, "If you don't figure out a way to get your dick hard, then I'm going to be forced to bone Santos our pool boy."
Then Google will include three ads in her message:
First for Viagra to offer help for your problematic erectile dysfunction.
Second for Purina dog food to help build healthy bones.
and to satisfy the most important need - a local pool service.
|Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and, so easy to see happening - customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past December, and the bank billed her for January and February for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:|
Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died back in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.
Family Member: Maybe you should turn it over to collections.
Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?
Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!
Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?
Citibank: Excuse me?
Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?
Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.
Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.
Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate?
Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?
Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew. (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Family Member: Sure. (Fax number was given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.
Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.
Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: Would you like her new billing address?
Citibank: That might help....
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.
Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery!
Family Member: And what do you do with dead people on your planet???