• Display of Authority

    A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.

    The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

    The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?

    The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

    Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified.

    So the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...."Your card! Show him Your card!"
  • The Rare Parrot

    A young man's mother was now living in the big city and he didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely.

    For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother. A few days later, he called.

    "Ma, what do you think of the bird?"

    "The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer."

    "You ate the bird? Mom, that bird was very expensive. It spoke seven languages!"

    "Oh, excuse me. but, if that bird was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven?"
  • Santa Quickies

    Bank Manager Santa Ki Application Pe Ek Ajeeb Sa Signature Dekhta Hai... @/e
    Bank manager: Ye Kaisa Ajeeb Sa Signature Hai? Aur Kiska Sign Hai Ye???
    Santa: Ye Sign Meri Daadii Ka Hai!
    Bank Manager: Aisa Ajeeb Sa Sign? Kya Naam Hai Unka?
    Santa: Jalebi Baai...

    Santa went to a restaurant in China
    Chinese Waiter: Sir I have Stewed Liver, Boiled Tongue and Frog Legs.
    Santa: Yaar Tu Apni Problems Chhodd, Menu Card Le Aa...!!!

    Subah Subah Jeeto Ne Santa Se Newspaper Maanga.
    Santa: Kitni Backward Ho Tum, Duniya Kahan Se Kahan Pahunch Gayi Aur Tum Newspaper Maang Rahi Ho?? Ye Mera TAB Le Lo...
    Jeeto Ne Tab Liya Aur Us Se Cockroach Maar Diya...
    Santa Behosh...
    Moral: Biwi Jo Maange... De Do!!
  • Pizza Bread!

    Rahul Gandhi called up Domino's and shouted at the branch manager: You idiot, I just received delivery of pizza from your boy and there's nothing on it!! No cheese, no toppings, nothing - it's just a circle of plain bread! What the hell is wrong with you guys? I am gonna close you guys down permanently and get you personally arrested!!!

    10 mins later Soniaji calls back to Dominos and apologises to the manager: Sorry, he opened the box upside down!!!