• Insufficient Funds

    A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

    "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

    "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

    "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

    "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'"
  • Boat Number 66

    At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up."

    Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return.

    "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."

    "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."

    The manager thought for a moment and then raised his megaphone, "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"
  • Lawyer's Cigars

    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, loss due to fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

    In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'

    The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued and WON!
    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid *$15,000* to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

    NOW FOR THE BEST PART
    After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

    With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of *intentionally burning his insured property* and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

    Moral: As you Sow, So shall you Reap
  • Answer Back Church

    Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

    One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better.

    He said, "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk."

    The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

    Encouraged by their response, he went further.

    "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!"
    The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

    Now really into his message, he spoke stronger.

    "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!"

    "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

    The Preacher gets louder, "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

    The congregation replied, "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."