An Indian farmer walking through his field notices a foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand.
The Farmer shouts, "Woh paani mat peena. Usmein gayein, bhains or suwar nahate hain, potty karte hain, sussu karte hain! (which means, Don't drink that water, the cows, the buffaloes and the pigs shit and pee in it!)"
The man shouts back, "I'm a foreigner, I don't understand your bloody gibberish. Speak English, you bloody Indian idiot!"
The farmer shouts back in English, "Use two hands dude, you can drink more!"
4 surgeons sat around discussing their favourite patients type.
1st surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order."
2nd surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order."
3rd surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."
The 4th surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."
The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.
The 4th surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts and brains are interchangeable."
Q: What clothes does the politicians love to wear?
A: Poll-yester clothes.
Q: Which dance do politicians love?
A: The Poll dance!
Q: What's the politician's favourite sport?
A: Poll vault.
Q: Where do Politicians send their kids?
A: To Poll-y technique colleges.
Q: What's the politician's favourite game?
Q: What's the politician's best loved virtue?
Santa was spending some of his hard-earned cash on a luxury cruise and was given a table with a Frenchman.
At their first meal together, the Frenchman said, "Bon appetit!"
Before the next meal commenced the performance was repeated.
"Bon appetit," said the Frenchman.
"Santa Ji," replied Santa.
After this had happened at every meal for three days, Santa was getting fed up, and told a fellow traveller about it.
"He tells me his name is Bon Appetit and I tell him my name is Santa, and then at the next meal, we start all over again."
The fellow traveller laughed and explained to Santa that the Frenchman was not introducing himself and that 'Bon appetit' meant "Good appetite", or "I hope that you enjoy your meal!"
Santa breathed a sigh of relief on receiving this information. Next morning, at breakfast, Santa greeted the Frenchman, "Bon appetite."
The Frenchman nodded politely and said, "Santa Ji."