• Saas-Bahu Ka Kissa

    Ek Saas Apni Bahu Se Bahut Pareshaan Thi Kyunki Vo Koi Kaam Nahin Karti Thi.

    Ek Din Tang Aakar Saas Apne Bete Se Kahti Hai Ki Kal Subah Mein Ghar Mein Jhaadu Lagungi Aur Tum Mujhe Rokna Aur Kehne Ki Lao Maa Main Kar Deta Hoon. Is Tarah Bahu Ko Kuch Toh Sharam Aayegi!!!

    Subah Jaise Hi Saas Jhaadu Lagane Lagti Hai Toh Uska Beta Aa Jaata Hai Aur Kehta Hai: Lao Maa, Main Kar Deta Hoon.

    Maa: Rehney Do Beta, Main Laga Lungi.

    Beta: Rehne Bhi Do Na Maa, Aapse Ab Kaam Nahin Ho Paata Hai, Lao Mein Laga Dunga.

    Yah Sab Sunkar Bahu Aa Jaati Hai Aur Kehti Hai: Arey Ismein Ladne Ki Kya Zaroorat hai, Ek Din Maa Lagayegi, Ek Din Tum Laga Lena... Baari Baari Se Kar Lo...
  • The Best Position

    Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

    "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.

    "No," another contended, "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

    "You're both wrong," the third insisted, "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

    The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
  • Only Real Fashion

    A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

    After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

    Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

    The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
  • How To Be Unhappy

    Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them.

    Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost: don't put first things first.

    Get yourself a good worry, one about which you cannot do anything.

    Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

    Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness.

    Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest.

    Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

    Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery.

    Take personally everything that happens to you.

    Don't give yourself whole-heartily to anyone or anything.
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