• Why I Quit Golfing

    A page from husband's diary...

    Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into garage & proceeded to back out into.... a torrential rain ! Wind was blowing at 50 mph.

    I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio & discovered that the weather would be bad through out the day.

    Disappointed I went back into the house,quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed.

    There I cuddled up to my wife's back& whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My beautiful and loving wife replied, "I know... and can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that terrible weather !"

    I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf.
  • Emergency Brakes

    An Amish woman is in her horse and buggy heading back home when a Pennsylvania state trooper pulls her over. The trooper walks up to the door of the buggy and the woman says, "Good afternoon, young man. What seems to be the problem?"

    The trooper says, "Ma'am, I pulled you over because you were speedin... I'm just kidding."

    The two chuckled a bit before he continued to say, "Actually, I pulled you over because there's strap around your horse's... genitalia. It looks like it's a bit painful, and I wasn't sure if you knew it was there."

    The woman replies, "Oh dear, well my husband is the one that rigs the horses. I just clean them, and throw the horse over the fence some hay. But as soon as I get home, I'll be sure to tell him."

    The officer ended with, "Please do as soon as you can. Have a nice day."

    The woman gets home and says, "Pa?"

    Her husband yells down, "Yes, ma?"

    To which she replied, "A nice, young state trooper pulled me over today, and said there's something wrong with the brakes."
  • Free Drinks!!!

    Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Amritsar, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement:

    "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix up one minute prior to take-off by our airport catering service. I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologise for this mistake and inconvenience."

    When the passengers muttering had died down she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/her meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight."

    Her next announcement came an hour and a half later, "If anyone wants to change his/her mind we still have 40 dinners available."
  • Wife's Letter

    Mayeke Gayi Hui Patni Ka Pati Ko Letter:
    Kripya Instructions Dhyaan Se Padhein.

    Kaamwali Ko Salary De Di Hai, Jyada Daanveer Mat Ban Jaana.

    Aapko Kitni Baar Bataya Hai Ki Padosan Ka Akhbaarwala, Doodhwala, Laundrywaala Humse Alag Hai, Har Roz Subah Bahane Se Puchne Mat Pahunch Jaana Ki Aapka Akhbaara Aa Gaya...

    Almaari Mein Left Side Pe Aapke Underwar Aur Baniyan Rakhi Hai Aur Right Side Pe Pappu Ke, Last Time Saara Din Office Mein Upar -Neeche Kheench Rahe The...

    Chashma Sahi Jagah Pe Rakhna, Pichli Baar Jab Mein 5 Din Baad Aayi Thi Tab Fridge Mein Mila Tha...

    Apna Mobile Sambhaal Kar Rakhna, Pichli Baar Bathroom Mein Soap Case Mein Mila Tha. Mujhe Toh Ye Samajh Nahin Aaya Ki Bathroom Mein Mobile Ka Kya Kaam Hota Hai.

    Aur Haan, Yaaron-Doston Ko Jyada Jama Mat Karna. Yaad Hai Pichli Baar Sofe Ke Cover Se Kitne Saare Mungfali Aur Santre Ki Chilke Mile The Aur Bed Ke Neeche Beedi-Cigarettes Ke Tukde.

    Aur Most Important Baat: Jyada Khush Hone Ki Zaroorat Nahin Hai, Mein Kabhi Bhi Vaapas Aa Sakti Hun.