• It's Payback Time

    I met one of my Maths teacher yesterday.

    We greeted and he asked me directions to the State Bank of India.

    I told him make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round bit up to the nearest degree using tan ∆.

    From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its major axis and bisect the straight road at an obtuse angle. That's where the bank is.

    Let him feel what I felt when I was in school....
  • Lawyers and Alligators

    Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

    "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

    "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

    "Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"

    "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

    "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

    "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

    "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
  • Who's The Boss?

    A retiring farmer needed to rid his farm of animals in preparation for selling his land, so he went to every house in his town.

    To the houses where the husband was the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the wife was the boss, he gave a chicken.

    When the farmer arrived at the end of the street, he met a couple who were outside gardening.

    "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

    "I am," replied the man.

    "Well, then, I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said. "Which one would you like?"

    The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one..."

    "No, no, no... the brown one," interrupted the man's wife.

    The farmer shook his head and remarked to the man, "Here's your chicken.
  • Wedding Gift!!!

    Towards the end of a wedding, the bride's father approached the groom and said, "Son, I received your last minute WhatsApp message asking me for your wedding gift. I found your request a bit strange, but I have to fulfill your wish regardless. Here's the packet of Four Underwear you asked for."

    The groom was startled, then looked at his message again... In a rage, he smashed his iPhone on the floor...

    "Bloody Autocorrect! It was supposed to be *Ford Endeavour*'!!"