• Mother-in-law

    A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law's love her or at least appreciate her...

    The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.

    Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.

    The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.

    She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.

    The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!

    The next day, in front of his house, he sees a brand new Mercedez with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your father-in-law.
  • Expensive Doctor

    Expensive Doctor
    Joe goes to consult a world famous specialist about his medical problem. After the visit Joe asks, "How much do I owe you?"

    "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

    "Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

    "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

    "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

    "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

    "Who has that kind of money? Do you think I'm Bill Gates ?"

    "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out."

    "I can give you twenty," says Joe. "Take it or leave it."

    "I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

    "Listen, Doctor", says Joe, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."
  • Wrong side of bed!!!

    A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast.
    On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
    This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on.
    He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,"Good morning Brother."
    The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
    The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.
    He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning Father."
    The priest replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
    Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone.
    The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..."
    The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop.
    He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
    The bishop looks at him stunned and says "What?"
    The priest realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want."
    The bishop looks at him and says, "All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann`s shoes?"
  • Memories of Santa

    A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed women and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.
    "I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told his guide.
    The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window.
    "This is a sad case," said the doctor.
    The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing, "Santa," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Santa!"
    "She was to marry a man named Santa," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day Santa ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad."
    They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straight-jacket, shrieking insanely, "Santa! Santa!"
    "Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Santa also."
    "No," answered the doctor. "She's the one that got him!"
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